Feeling very piss*d off - Part 2

[Lethal]

What the hell is wrong with our relatives?? Slack ba*tards, the lot of them.

Following the less-than-acceptable behaviour of my BIL and SIL at my son's birthday party last weekend (turned up late, didn't eat the food I prepared, wanted to leave early etc etc), my own brother has also let me down. He and his wife have 3 kids who are now 17, 15 & 13. Ever since the kids were born, dh and I have bought birthday presents for them or given them money, and every Christmas I also give them money. If I don't see his kids on their birthdays, I still send them money in a card - EVERY year. My ds is only 4, and the last couple of years my brother and SIL have managed to give him a small present, but this year they couldn't attend his party because SIL was working. So my brother phones me on the night of ds' birthday and says "OH.. I'm just phoning to wish ds a happy birthday." DS was in bed by this stage (it was 8.30pm), & my brother says "Oh sorry... I forgot it was his birthday today". I found out later that my mum had actually phoned him to remind him . It is now several days later however, and he hasn't bothered to send a card or anything in the post for ds, so I guess that means no money or present either. I don't care so much about the money, but I care about the fact that every year without fail, his 3 kids get birthday/Christmas presents from us, and he can't even do the same for my one child. Only two weeks ago, I drove a long way and spent quite a lot of money to go to my brother's 40th birthday, but we just don't ever seem to get the same recognition from him or his family. My brother tends to be a bit 'vague' sometimes, but I have to say I am really disappointed in his wife too. I've known her a long time now and think she could make more effort than she does. If it wasn't for me, I doubt that any of our nieces' or nephews' birthdays would be acknowledged, because I know that dh wouldn't always remember to do it. (Simple solution - write them down on a calendar!!) I'm busy just like everyone else but I still manage to do it.

Thanks for listening. I am really just so disappointed in people right now - particularly family members.

I sympathise. As you say, do what the rest of us do and WRITE IT DOWN. Even if he had 'forgotten' on the day it's no excuse not to send something a bit late. How long does it take to get a card and put some money in it? On my last birthday, no card from my youngest brother. Mum says' Well I know he sent one cos he asked me for your address'. ???? I've lived in the same house for 15 years! Thoughtless I call it.

You have my full sympathy. I've come to the conclusion that some of us are programmed to remember the birthdays of everyone we have ever met and others just aren't (plus some don't even think it's important) . My three siblings broke all records this year when NONE of them sent me a card. DD2 has yet to get presents from two of them (Birthday in March). Needless to say, I am boringly efficient about getting cards/presents to them and their children. I could get very upset and stressed about this (and I have done in the past) but I now refuse to let my Birthday or the Birthdays of my kids be tarnished in any way by those who don't bother.

I thought about not sending cards to them in a "see how you like it" kind of way but TBH that would make me miserable, so I'll just continue to send out cards for ever...

i agree... i seem to have a memory for birhdays and can remember them without even looking. ds sees it as a game and tests me (lol he's nearly 15!).

if it hadnt been for me all these years, none of the family or friends on either side would have had acknowledgement. dh and i just separated and i bought him a birthday book and wrote down all the relevant b'days in there for him.

my sil and mil both forgot my birthday a few years back, during the dark days, and so... i dont remind dh about his sister or bil anymore. that was it for me.

i know its very silly but a card on your birthday, when you are in your forties still means alot, so if folk cant be bothered to try and remember, i remember that they didnt!!

best wishes

rosie

DP's brother has 3 kids and we always make sure they have birthday and Christmas cards and presents and always have done. Our dd didn't receive a 1st birthday card from them and I doubt she'll get any in the future (though they did manage a Christmas card for her).

Dp's sister never even returned the phone call when dp left her a message saying dd had been born. That REALLY pissed me off. We didn;t see her until after dd's 1st birthday and I was very tempted to tell her not to bother. She has no kids but is very involved with her other sister's kids. Drives me mental but I just let it go and tell myself we are better off without them.

I know where you're coming from, Lethal, as I've btdt. My younger bro has maybe twice sent anything for any of my four children plus I've reached the end of the road with my oldest bro. He refused to come and see our dad when he was dying (bro wanted to "remember dad as he was" - great for bro, not so great for those of us tryign to cope) but eventually grudgingly saw dad for about two hours. Now I've just found out via a third party that his dd, my only god-daughter, is expecting a baby soon but no one has seen fit to even tell mum, let alone anyone else.

Nowadays I try my hardest not to get angry, as it's a waste of my emotional energy and I know nothing will change. I'm kind of resigned to it and try not to think about it at all.

Yes, lots of us have been there, Lethal. Sometimes in my family, I know that people have forgotten to send cards or whatever because they're going through some sort of crisis or other (real or imagined!) However, when some of my rels have persistently "forgotten" I usually end up unable to bother to go to a nice shop; choose and pay for a nice card; buy and stick a stamp on it; go to the post box. Somehow these things seem too much effort for someone who doesn't bother to do them for you. Bet they'd notice if you tried this!