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Original poster

Moving away from family, I want to but feel so guilty for even thinking about it.

27 replies

NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:15

I live in a HA house and when xp left I registered on a housing exchange site just too see what was on offer and originally I looked for something not too far from where I am now, but eventually my eyes got drawn to the coastal threads.

Anyhow, there are 2 people on the site I am on, that want to exchange from Cornwall (Launceston and Saltash) to Birmingham. One particulary wants my part of brum and the othe wants somewhere around brum to accept a place at B'ham uni.

I have emailed the first back asking for further details, and need to ring the second one if I am interested.

Now I am most definatly interested but my mum would be devestated. At the mo we live 3 minute walk away from each other and she sees my kids, her only grandkids ALOT. She is my main family support and the kids would miss her.

I am also very close to my dad, but he doesn't work, and he drives so I wouldn't be so concerned about him. My mum though works and does not drive so would be very limited about visiting.
I jokingly mentioned it to her and she jokingly said she would have to move too, but she is also in HA accomodation so I don't know how easy that would be.

TBH if my mum were not around, I wouldn't even be giving it a second thought, I would be ringing the appropriate people like a shot, as I think it would be great for me nd the kids to move away and start a fresh.

Sorry am waffling now, but i am so torn between not hurting my mum and making a new life for me and the kids, a better life.

OP posts:
Wotzsaname · 16/04/2007 17:19

Hard choice to make. I moved over 250 miles from my mum. It was even harder as my sister already lives in Spain. Mum doesn't drive, so she is a long way from all her grandchildren.

But we make visits last longer and we look forward to seeing each other.

Tough one, but at least you are in same country!

beckybrastraps · 16/04/2007 17:21

What would you do in Cornwall? Aren't you thinking of doing some courses/training? How easy will that be?

LIZS · 16/04/2007 17:24

Don't underestimate the value of having her so close. Obviously she would miss you and the kids and , although you may not realise it fully now, you her. Presumably you'd know noone in Cornwall and that may well make the details of life such as flexible childcare which would enable you to work or study that much harder and jeopardise the success of your move unless you plan it very carefully. If she can't drive , nor you, there is always the train or coach but that is some distance.

Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:33

Tbh if we moved away I would either try and get a job that fitted in with the kids so a school job, or train to do a job that fitted in with school.

The distance would bother me in terms of me feeling guilty. I am not saying that I would not miss my mum because I would ALOT, however I think moving to a place like that would be a great oppurtunity for my kids.

OP posts:
FioFio · 16/04/2007 17:35

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beckybrastraps · 16/04/2007 17:35

But I thought you wanted a career. I'm not trying to put a downer on thins for you at all, but I think you need to make some pretty big decisions about what you want to do before you decide where you want to do it.

Although having said that I would love to live by the sea. It is my dream...

Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:36

Have thought about you loads whilst thinking about this Fio.
Am I right in thinking that non of your family live nearby ?

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 16/04/2007 17:37

Ah now I am not impulsive

FioFio · 16/04/2007 17:38

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LIZS · 16/04/2007 17:41

Opportunities to work and retrain are likely to be more restricted in the West Country than in the city or you may have to be preared to travel further afield. You already find it hard to juggle things now, which is not likely to get easier if you move away from those who can support you. Yes the quality of life may ostensibly be better for the kids but you could feel very isolated, frustrated and ultimately homesick. Grass is always greener and it wouldn't be an extended holiday. Could you explore somewhere closer to home as well ?

Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:43

I would like a career yes but if I had to choose between that and my kids living somewhere nicer and having beaches within a short bus ride away then i'd pick that every time.

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FioFio · 16/04/2007 17:46

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Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:46

I agree Liz, but I also did a job search and noticed that they are not as bothered about qualifications around there. I found far more jobs that I could apply for in their area than mine.

I am not an implusive person, wish I was. I have to think and ananlise things to death.

The area I live in is nice, and as a council estate is one of the most sort after in the West Mids, and yeah I have a pretty settled life here, but thats it, am not particularly happy, don't have many friends and no job etc. Other than my mum and dad there is nothing keeping me here.

OP posts:
paulaplumpbottom · 16/04/2007 17:48

My mom was devestated when I moved so far away from her. I do miss her but I just couldn't let that keep me from a happy life. You have to do whats best for you and your children. I'm sure she'll find a way to visit.

Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:49

Very true Fio, nearly all of the exchange ads are for people wanting to move to the coast and so yeah I would think that if i did want to move back it wouldn't be too hard.

I know why i feel so guilty about my mum, it's because I have already left her once sort of. When my parents got divorced i chose to live with my dad and my mum was devestated and I'd feel guilty that yet again I am taking people she loves away from her.

She has also said many times though that she'd love to live by the coast.

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Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 17:50

I also think it would make me stand on my own two feet a bit more which given my lack of confidence etc isn't a bad thing.

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OrmIrian · 16/04/2007 17:57

I think your mum would miss you and you will miss her but you are only going a few hundred miles - she can visit. When I saw your thread title I thought you were going to Australia...

I do agree with the others that life isn't all surfing and sunshine down in Cornwall. It's one of the most deprived areas of the country in terms of jobs and income. But Launceston isn't really that remote - not too far from Plymouth..but then again it's not really coast either....although compared to the Midlands.... Could you apply for a job before you take the plunge?

Tis a beautiful place to be. Wouldn't your mum be happy just for you to be happy?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 16/04/2007 18:04

I would go, especially as it?s still within the UK, it?s not as if you?re leaving the country.

You will make friends through school etc, and if the career can?t happen at the moment due to childcare constraints then it can happen later when the kids have grown up a bit and are not as dependent on you.

And if it doesn?t work out then you move back.

Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 18:06

I think she would be happy for me if she culd see that it made me happy, and I also think that if she could get a move there she would.

I think I am going to investigate both possible indepth before I even mention it to her though.

At the end of the day, both people may not want my house for what ever reason, but even if they don't I would still keep looking.

OP posts:
Wotzsaname · 16/04/2007 18:11

I have always leaved near the coastline, it think it must be something inherent that makes me happier than living further inland.

LIZS · 16/04/2007 18:14

Good idea to investigate first. If she can see that you have looked into it and got a plan of action as to how to make it work for you all (not just the kids) then it might ease her inevitable worries. If she were to decide to follow then that is up to her.

tortoise · 16/04/2007 18:16

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Original poster
NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 18:21

Sorry tortoise, didn't see your previous requests for the sites

There is this one and this one

One you have to pay for, but can't remember which one now.

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NuttyMuffins · 16/04/2007 18:22

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tortoise · 16/04/2007 18:31

Thanks nutty.
I have never been to birmingham!! Its a bit far to take DS's away from their Dad. I Don't care about DD's dad! He is only going to be getting about once a month supervised contact anyway!!

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