what to say to dd 1 about mummy going away for 5 days??????????

[melsy]

Might have more luck with this thread, it being my 3rd today! (no luck with the others lol).

Since dd2 8mths started crawling and getting into her stuff and wanting my attention more,(no more the inanimate object in the bouncer chair) dd1 3.8yrs normally very independent and confident has become a lot more wanting , anxious & needy of me. Loves her daddy , but always wants me for bed times etc.

Ive heard this is common at this stage and Im feeling may be its coupled with a new found awareness of life and the goings on iykwim, but its causing anxiety even when just going out for the evening and being left with nana or grandma. We spend ages telling her were coming back after eating , or that well see her for breakfast , or that weve got something planned the next day together or that we need to come home so we can sleep in our bed, all done to ease her fears and help her not feel so abandoned.

So my worry is , what do I say about leaving her for 5 days with daddy & her little sis when I go with my sisters abroad? Its all paid for now , dh thought it was a good idea for me several months ago. Now hes worried about the fall out.

I've been ignored today too melsy so hope to create some good karma for myself

find out from grandma or nana what she's like when you've gone on those evenings. Does she cry all evening or just give up once you've gone. If she's usually fine, then I would guess she'll also be fine when you're abroad....

awww thank u dolally

she plays up a bit, more when were around and grandma is seeing to her.

she'll be fine... go and ENJOY your break!!!!

lol thank you dolally , I even text when I go to the cinema , think may be its me having separation anxiety as much as them.

I think sometimes we can pass on our anxiety to the child when what we are trying to do is re-assure them.
Any chance you could be more matter-of-fact about the going away bits? Easier said than done I know..

Apparently I had to stay with grandparents for a week or so while mum went into hospital. I was as good as gold for the entire stay...not a whimper or a frown...until mum came back to collect me whereupon I screamed the house down!

Enjoy your break! You need it (can i come too?)

tell her you will phone ata certain time like just before bed so she knows when she will get to talk to you. and tell her you will bring her a pressie back, hopefully she will focus on that and make it a more positive thing

Ikwym sixlost , we do often transfer our stuff to them , it is hard to stop sometimes as I think some of its unconscious, but also hard as she asks so many questions over and over and nothing seems to quash her anxiety, whatever we say.

Of course u can come , Im going with my sisters 40+ college course students,so 1 more tagging along wont get noticed!!!. Im wondering may be it wont be such a break lol. Although I really need sleep seeing as Ive severly lacked that since being preggers, the only rest I might get is 20 sleeping pills on the plane lol.

Good idea ggg,for calling times. Will check time difference. Oh and pressies are a must.

To make it all worse now on my guilt , dd1 has chicken pox and dd2 could be incubating it just in time for her spots to come out the day I go

oh no! bad news re chicken pox

regarding all the questions she asks - I have always tried to stick to the rule of answering only the question asked and no added bits. After 3 questions in a row I put a big smile on my face and say something like "yay! that's all that sorted isn't it? Shall we play blahblah/go for a walk/something else immediate.
If the child is convinced we understand it all they kinda follow.

Bringing a present back is a great idea. Also, you could try my Dad's ol trick. He always gave us something of his to look after for him eg. his watch. Somehow this transfers the priorities of things to fret about and once a watch is put safely in a box next to a pillow for eg its 'job done'

New York Newwww Yooooork!! cya at the airport

WHy not present it to DD1 as a lovely holiday for HER! You're going to stay at grandma's for 5 WHOLE NIGHTS! You lucky thing! And you're going to get to play with granpa every single day. Aren't you lucky?

Also I read somewhere that instead of saying "I'll come and get you on Friday" which is virtually meaningless to a small person, say "after you've been to the country park" or whatever exciting trip's been arranged for the final day of the stay...

OMG just clicked re the Pox. Your poor mum! When my Little bro was 3, I was 5 and my big bro was 7, my mum and dad went to the States for their first solo holiday in about..oh 7 years and my little bro developed a hideous abscess on his leg that could have meant surgery if he didn't have daily antibiotic injections. My poor aunty - who had 3 kids of her own I might add - had to take him to hospital every day of the trip. My mum said she's never felt so guilty about anything in her life... but they still had a magic holiday!

So go, enjoy. People can cope. Kids can cope. You'll find she's probably less clingy when you get back, not more so!

Also want to add that my 5th birthday coincided with this trip of my parents and I had a lovely time being spoilt by my granny and having cousins for tea. (delicious...)

she wont be at nanas as nanas coming with me, shes staying with daddy, she still wont understand why were all going and shes not , but hey ho.Im sure daddy will spoil her more to make up for it !

Its not for 2weeks yet , so dd1 should be well rid of the pox by then, its more that the baby could get it as I go . Your last sentance gives me hope !!!

Six lost the idea of leaving a possession of mine for her too look after is good.

Get your DH to stop being wimpy about it - you're all working yourselves and each other up about it, by the sounds of it . (though my DP gets anxious, too...and it's always all right when it actually happens! Make allowances for your DH's anxiety and remember that it won't be as bad as he fears). Get her to choose one of her second best cuddlies to take with you. Leave her a small wrapped gift to open each day you are gone...so that she can see that the number of gifts is tangibly decreasing quickly day by day. Arrange to call at a certian time each day and stick to it. Be matter of fact, Pack, go, enjoy.

I say, just go. I think daily presents will reinforce to your DD that it is a big deal & as for the calls, only do it if you would normally ring when you are away. One of my colleagues rings her boy every day from work, and I have never done this.

DH goes to the US on business, we are all matter of fact about it, DS1 (just 4 now) misses him horribly when life's little difficulties become unsurmountable but apart from that he's actually ok while DH is away. DH has ALWAYS been DS1's parent of choice...

Sometimes DS1 makes a point of shunning DH when he comes back to "punish" him for his absence, you might need to be ready for that.

Something to look after is a cunning plan though, I'm impressed with that!

I'm glad you like the idea of leaving something to look after - I'll tell my dad! It will make him really happy (and he will no doubt tease my mum that some nice young ladies out there think his ideas are good) (he is in his 70's btw...just so that you can imagine the scene when mum rolls her eyes and sulks

DS is obviously just a sucker for bribery, then!

DP goes away and DS makes a negligible amount of fuss -although he misses him. i f i go away, however, he does create. Last time he gave me one of his toys to take with me - and i send postcards or e mails from the toy animal, telling him of his adventures.