Have you ever made a decision right for your family that seriously compromised your beliefs?

[seeker]

We live in an 11+ area. My daughter took the test and passed and is going to an excellent girls grammar school in September. She is delighted and I am very proud of her - she worked hard and she will love the school - lots of sport and music and an amazing academic record. The problem is that I am, and always have been, passionately opposed to selective education. If I had stuck to my principles, she would have not taken the test at all and gone to the nearest school, which is an OK high school. I think she would have done well there too, but the grammar school offers so much more and it would have been wrong to deny her the opportunity...or would it? 76% of other 11 year olds are being denied it - what makes dd so special? And how will the system ever change if people like me don't stand against it? Help me find ways of not feeling bad about this, please!!!!! (I know there aren't actually any ways of not feeling bad, but I can hope!)

seeker I can see your point. My ds's got to an excellent faith school and it really annoys me in that I haven't got the moral strength to ay no they won't I am oposed to single faith education that refuses to teach about other peoples and beliefs, and excludes anyone who doesn't agree with them (leaving a very small school for those who can't get in on faith / catchment / promising lots of help for a place).

Actually I did get as far as filling in a transfer form 9we do have other issues witht he school- not hot on SN) but Dh vetoed it because I shouldn't sacrifice my kids for my beliefs- he's right of course, its about them not me; also other school might well bebetter for ds1, ds3 won't notice, but ds2 is settled and happy, and compromises mroe than enough for his brothers.

I'd hate ds1 to tkae the 11+- last assessment for verbal age (he's 7) was 16 - 21 , written age 4.5, loves Shakespeare and can make up great poetry but not write it down yet.

kids are a mix.

seeker - you being passionately opposed to it is one thing. But your daughter presumably is not as she is glad to be going. So you reconcile it that way.

seeker, I don't know what i would have done. Possibly offered to tutor one of the less advantaged kids for free so at least you feel like you're making a bit of difference (maybe next year...). and, as someone said, become a governor and try and sway the selection process. i would probably have gone for the grammar after much heart-ache, or moved away before i needed to choose!

i have experience of both systems. i went to a grammar for 2 years (i didn't do 11+, i think the head of our primary just recommended people and then we were interviewed which is prob a much better process). i then went to a very 'modern', no-streaming-for-ANY- subjects-till-GCSE-year comprehensive. i hated the grammar and was very unhappy with the pressure but i was about a year ahead when i went to the comp. i also hated the comp when i first went. later, i learned to be very proud of their ethos. i also think it taught me loads about how to get along with people who are very different from me as i was with them for every single lesson. however, there were some very clever and gifted people at my school as well, so there was a spectrum - they hadn't been 'creamed off' as it were.

if i'd stayed at the grammar i may have got 4 a's at a-level and gone to oxbridge, but as it was i did pretty well and went to a good university (my radical nature wouldn't allow me to even apply for oxbridge by that point!) and got a fantastic job after, which i probably couldn't have done without my 'broad' education.

when i went to the comp i remember being very much involved in choosing the school (we looked round several), so i think it is important if your dd CHOSE this route. also, try and encourage her friendships with less privileged people (if poss!). i hate the thought of my kid growing up to be a snob and slightly ashamed of me!

in terms of you dc's. i would also worry if another child didn't get in...would they go to different schools?

MM has a good point - look after your own kids first, BUT if you really feel passionately, try to continue to make a difference - become a governor, help out at a disdavantaged school or something like that.