Jade in BB house - got me thinking...

[Monnie]

I mentioned this topic on another website earlier in the year (Not Jade, but bullying) and I was intrigued to hear what Mumsnetters thought.

For those who don't watch Big Brother, a character called Jade is bullying another person (psychologically), making her feel uncomfortable, ignoring her and slagging her off behind her back.

Was wondering how Mumsnetters would approach the topic of bullying with their kids.

I, ashmamedly admit, that I want to teach DS to stick up for himself, verbally and physically.

The reason why I am ashamed of this is because I will be telling him to hit other people's children BUT only if they hit him first, etc (Would this encourage him to be a bully??)

I know this may sound terrible, but it would seem that turning the other cheek does not work, or even reporting it to teachers.

I would welcome anoyone's effective alternative actions and opinions for and against what I propose.

Tx

This is an interesting point especially as you have used Jade as an example. Jade is unbelievably insecure (note how she blubs whenever anyone says anything vaguely unfriendly, like "don't use all the sugar, Jade" or "If you have a veruca you should wear plastic socks in the shower" and I think this is the reason she bullies Sophie.

Basically I think that if your kid is secure and happy, he is unlikely to become a bully, but may well need to stick up for himself as you say. Saying that though, perhaps it's better to advise them to walk away (as the other kid may be stronger!), unless particular circumstances suggest otherwise and point out that sometimes walking away takes more corage than fighting back. This is my plan anyway, but as dd is only 6 weeks old I have yet to test it!

Monnie,
I agree entirely with your approach to bullying, that's what we expect from our children too.

On the subject of Jade, she's definitely being bullying and manipulative. I think she's doing it instictively and that pretending to be thick is all part of it too, trying to make people feel sorry for her.

jade has avery interesting habit of thinking she is the centre of the entire universe. Notice how, even when anything bad happens to anyone else and they are upset she gets MORE upset and starts squealing like a stuck pig! A fabulous subconcious ploy to get the focus back onto her - so irritating!

I was bullied at school and want to protect dd from the same thing. Dh (who is very capable of taking care of himself) and I have decided that we will send dd to judo classes so that she can defend herself; hopefully it will be taught in a disciplined way and so she will be able to control her aggression. I also hope that she will be more confident generally, and so be less likely a victim. Psychological bullying is far more difficult to deal with than physical bullying and this I think needs an adults' intervention.