Huge life-altering opportunity. Can I run it by you please? Need some opinions.

[Posey]

At present we live in a nice part of London in a flat (me, dh and 2 kids). DC go to local school which we are very happy with (will have a few concerns come secondary school, dd is presently in y5)). Dh has a well paid job, but it is quite stressful at times and hours are pretty unsocial. It is also London-based. I work part time in a nursery (fits in with school). We, and the children have friends, good social network and have made our life and home here, although we have no family close by.
We use London to the full, take all it has to offer and love it. I really haven't lost my love of the city after 20 years here (all my adult life)

Now we have just discovered a dream opportunity. For sale in a favourite part of the country,near the sea and near to dh's parents, is a shop. With good accomadation (probably bigger than we have now plus a garden), and a self-contained flat (which they currently let out for holidays). We can afford it due to moving out of London and dh knows what he would like to do with the shop.
Now obviously we would need to do a bit of serious maths to work out if it is viable. Dh is very fed up with his job, but dd is adamant she's not leaving London! Ds is still little and hasn't got really into a school/social network just yet so would probably love the garden and the beach. And me, I just don't know.

Any thoughts?

Oh God......no ideas.

I am risk averse, always have been much to my chagrin.

Sounds wonderful and I can sympathise on the unhappy DH front. But think of the free babysitting!
Is it in/near a town or at least more than a handful of shops? Is there any public transport nearby? That is what I would miss most about London personally.
You can always do homeswaps with London friends for cheap holidays or let the holiday flat to your friends or there's a campsite at Crystal Palace where you can just hop on a bus into central London.

I would say take it, do it. You can always go back to London but if you don't try you'll never know. But then the idea of living in London sends shivers down my spine I don't do big cities

Can your Dh get a years sabbatical? That way you can give it a go with a bit of security for if it goes wrong and if you love it he can just not go back.

I would move, sounds like you would have a more relaxed lifestyle if you moved.

Your dd would get used to it and would (probably?) be allowed more freedom if you were not in such a busy city?

Is it too far for day trips to london so you can go and see your old friends?

More thoughts... If the shop doesn't work you can always let it and get new jobs. As long as you're not planning another baby in the next 2 or 3 yrs I would go for it. Plus the tax breaks on childcare when you're self-employed are pretty fantastic.

You say you're not sure (and it's a big leap). I'm a Londoner born and bred and leaving the city would be a big wrench for me too. But you do also describe it as "dream", "favourite part of the country", you can afford it as a family, your dh who hates his job has a firm idea of what to do about the shop. It is near your PILs...whom presumably you all get on well with
What's not to like?
Well, dd doesn't want to go and I can understand why. But you have to go NOW to get her into the presumably much better choice of secondary schools in your new location, I'd have thought.
Nursery work is a fully transferrable skill - everywhere needs experienced nursery staff so you are pretty likely to get a suitable contract...
You don't have to say where but is this location a day-trip from London, or from a really buzzy provincial city (Newcastle, Liverpool, Manchester, even Birmingham - even because Brum is a hike from the sea, not because it's a poor relation!)
Do you feel you are on top of the real situation for young people in the town - is there a drugs culture, is there better than average provision for teens in terms of activity?

OK, my thoughts:

Careful. The country can be:
bloody boring
a monoculture
small minded
not much cheaper for a lot of things re cost of living
you can't easily go back to London if you hate it(not that people always want to)
Can be full of tourists
did I mention boring?
Can be hard to make friends (not the case for everyone but depends)
Can be harder to make a living depending on disposable income of locals/tourism depending on how you will make your money

BUT:
often good state schools, primary and secondary
clean air
lovely countryside
often lower crime
can have higher standard of living due to cashing in London lifestyle etc
you can always visit the city/London

I left London when ds was 2; moved to deepest Devon & stayed 3 yrs feeling ambivalent about a lot of it a lot of the time; moved to Bristol where the house price:income ratio pissed me off and now, finally, feel we have the best of all worlds in that we work somewhere that pays London salaries (not City but still ok) but we live in the countryside (home counties!). We can get to London within an hour ish if we want to and that's important for me as ex dh (ds's dad) and all his family are there.

Can you go for a trial, say a few weeks in the summer? What is important to you? Can you achieve the same goals without leaving London? i.e. could dh get something less stressful, could you move further out?

Those are my initial thoughts fwiw

You however may not be able to afford to buy in London again..........

children will settle anywhere if their parenst are happy. it may take a while but they are flexible creatures (no matter what she says now). you may find it hardeer as you have a good network now and will become very reliant on your in laws (but it's easier before the kids reach sec sschool age) . plus dh will be presumably working all the hours god sends to set up a new business. will put a strain on your relationship. but with MN you should be able to find new mates! why don't you start an 'any MNers in xxx' thread to find out who's out there?

but remember that life does always seem greener elsewhere - think about what you actually want from the move?

You never know though Carmenere.
I am still reeling with shock after my parents, having sold up in London and spending 20 odd years on the not-very-desirable Western Lakes fringes, managed to relocate back to London (admittedly downsizing, and not to a bijou area, but a pretty flat in a perfectly OK burb)
WWW has walked the walk posey, heed her words (but I'd give the idea serious thought just the same)

I was going to post something along the lines of www's post. she talks sense you know.

but I'd also like to add that for me possibly the most important aspect of any place is the friendliness / open-ness. some countryside places are open and vfriendly, others aren't. presumably you already know that though?

what would you sell?

Thanks Marina!

Btw, although I would tell dd you're listening to her concerns I wouldn't worry about her, she'll be fine if you do go, I'm sure. I think you need to do the maths very carefully too. I might have been happy staying in Devon IF

We had had plenty of cash
It wasn't 99% white, esp as ds is half Indian
I had met more people I really liked
People hadn't been so nosy/small minded (not all but enough to be annoying)
I could have got to London/a big city more often
I could have got well paid stimulating work. That SO wasn't going to happen there
My ex dh hadn't been so far away as he has ds every other weekend and it's an amicable divorce

So just to let you know that there were a lot of circs in my situation that made it difficult, it might be entirely different to you.

How big is the town where the shop is, Posey? (Apols if this was already asked, haven't read whole thread)

The move will be fantastic for 3 of you but I can see where dd is coming from - however moving while still in Y5, and if it's a town which is small enough to be nice to live in but still big enough to have lots to do and be fairly invisible while doing it, could actually be very nice for her too.

Most of the country manages to have quite a good time without living in or near London

I very much agree and support everything that WWW has said. My main concern from what you wrote in the OP is " We, and the children have friends, good social network and have made our life and home here, although we have no family close by.
We use London to the full, take all it has to offer and love it." I'm afraid you may find the life in a smaller place extremely boring. (I know I did not come from such an interesting city as London but after almost 10 yrs here, I still can't come to terms with living in a smallish city no matter how beautiful it is.

just to add as the children get older they too might find it boring - is there plenty for you all to do? will you be a taxi service?

I have got to admit that despite its ravishing beauty and some very happy holidays there I would never consider a move to Devon for our family either, for all the reasons www says. Basically you are just too far from a really stand-out city (sorry Exeter), and too beset with holidaymakers all summer too

I have always wanted to live by the sea but can't afford at the moment to even live in a decent area.

So I vote go for it.

If it improves your standard of life then it is worth the risk. If you have the finances to live the life that would make you happy then don't stand back and wish you had done it when it is far too late.

Gosh, thanks so much for all those replies, and sorry I have been away since I posted my poser (sorting out dh's 40th bday) which brings me to another big thing. I wonder if part of this desire (on dh's part) to leave and do something else is a bit of a mid-life "I'm turnig 40" crisis.
I have read all your comments and you make some great points. The ones that shouted at me were www's as many of you also commented. You make a lot of sense!

It is an area of the country we love, but not the town we really like which is a few miles away. This one is smaller, quite elderly, quite conservative and probably Conservative too. It has just a handful of shops. I fear I may be bored.
And yes it is our dream, but I thought it wouldn't be an opportunity til we were older, after the children had finished school. Not exactly retirement but a definite slowing down the pace in our 50s.

For me, I think I'd be happy anywhere as long as my family is happy. The children are really happy here, and dh is most of the time.

Right just going to rescan the thread as I can't remember all I wanted to comment on.

i moved in y6 - no problems - isn't starting up a shop a 24 hr project for the first few years - are there any mnetters with exp of this? i have to say that house with a garden is a very big positive reason for me even wo thinking of dc - i don't want to go back to a flat however nice.

You don't have to answer this but if we are talking West East Sussex here I'd have major reservations too. "Peace"haven?

No, not Sussex, Hampshire.