Feeling really awful!

[pinkchampagne]

I am (as some of you may know) in the process of separating from my husband & buying a house alone.
This has been going on for over 9 months now, but as H refused to move out, we have been living under the same roof & will be until the move.

I don't like to shout my business from the rooftops, and also like to shut off as much as possible at work, so have only really confided in a handful of colleagues so far...those I work closely with & the teacher & TA in DS's class. (I work in the school)

One day last week, while having my teabreak, I was a little taken aback when one of the parent helpers came into the staff room, sat next to me & said "Are you splitting up with your husband?"
I asked how she knew & she explained she had found out from one the wife of one of H's friend, who is also a mother at the school.
I quietly told her that quite a few staff members are not aware of all this yet, hinting at her to maybe change the subject, seen as we were surrounded by my colleagues, but she asked me a few more questions.

I went back to class & mentioned to one of the teachers I work with, that I was a little suprised that this lady had just asked about my personal life in the staff room, but I wasn't angry, just a little taken aback!

The teacher was shocked & said she thought I should speak to the SENCO (my line manager) about it, because she shouldn't be discussing private matters like that in the staff room, but I said that I didn't want to cause any trouble, so decided not to take it any further.

Yesterday, the SENCO collered me & told me that the teacher had spoken to her about this incident on Friday after school, and the SENCO was not happy & wanted to write a letter to this woman to warn her about confidentiality.
She said that she would be very dipolmatic & make sure it stated that she had not heard about it from me. I felt uncomfortable about this letter, but know how important confidentiality is in a school, and knew they were worried that she may one day discuss pupils details.

Anyway, she has now received this letter & is really upset at the thought of upsetting me.
I feel so so awful about all this, I never wanted to cause any trouble, but the SENCO felt it needed to be dealt with.

it was out of your hands and you were the one to feel awkward, so try and put it out of your mind now, she was in the wrong and couldnt even take a direct hint, so let her feel bad, she should keep her mouth shut in future.p.s, hope things get better for you and move go's smoothly

I have managed to speak to her (she phoned a friend who knows her out of school, who gave me her number) & told her I was sorry & not to worry about me, but that it was pulled up on because of the whole confidentiality issue.
She was all very apologetic to me & I know it really got to her.

there isn't really alot you can do now, it is out of your hands. try not to worry

At the end of the day you have donenothing wrong.
She has. It has been dealt with in the appropriate way.
You should put it behind you nad hopefully she has learnt her lesson.
You don't just waltz up to people and start talking about hteir personal life in front of people.
She has been totally unprofessional and you haven't I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about it.
Good luck with everything else.

I know - I just hate to think that upset has been caused because of me.

I can see why you feel awful but she has clearly learnt a lesson from this and her mistake won't be repeated. This issue being raised may make others more aware of the need for confidentiality.

She sounds insensitive or rude and is probably embarrassed at having been caught and 'told off'. At best she was concerned about you and went the wrong way about expressing this by speaking to you publicly. Maybe you could explain to her that if she had approached you in an appropriate manner (time & place) then she would have done nothing wrong. Just a case of in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was certainly a case of wrong place at wrong time! Don't think for one minute that she meant to be insensitive, but I guess she needs to know there is a time & a place.

A few wines later & I am feeling a little less uptight about all this!