let down new friends - feel awful

[jinna]

i have moved to a new area and have started to make some new friends - although i have found it hard work. Anyway i invited 2 new friends i met through my sons school - they came with their kids at 4 and i made the kids tea and i had cake and tea for the mums - it was 6.30 and they got ready to leave - they went and i then realised that i hadn't even offered the mums to stay for dinner. The other two mums know each other well and i have only been out with them once. My husband came home later and said i should atleast have in vited them for dinner as it was fairly late - i felt awful. I rang one of the mums today and apologised - she seemed ok and said not to worry - but i felt in her voice that infact she did mind -lets say the conversation was strained and felt an effort. Am i being crazy - i've been at home for a while and maybe i've become a bit over sensitive. I've got a job interview today and i should be concentrating on that but i can't get this bad feeling out of my head. One of the mums works and had come straight from work aswell!
Need some advise - did i make a mistake and how can i make it up - my husband thinks we shouls invite both over for dinner one day to make it up

I would not have been offended in our group the kids have tea the adults have cuppa,or coffee and cakes then have their meal with partners later. I would think it odd if someone offered me dinner ( unless they were eating theirs) it may have felt an effort because you were worried by it. hope this helps

I don't think you made a mistake at all, honey, honestly. You invited the kids for tea. Concentrate on the interview and good luck.

I would not expect someone to invite me for dinner if they were feeding DD.

Surely these women have homes thenmselves and had got something out for their husbands dinner and would have been eating with them anyway??

thanks - i thought it was ok initially until my husband mentioned it - with my friends where we used to live this is exactly what we did - tea and cake for the mums. I feel quite upset about and i don't kow why?

I wouldn't worry too much, unless the invite was for dinner they wouldn't have been expecting it. The children were there for tea in my understanding of your post, you gave the parents Tea & Cake this should have surficed. The mistake you made was pointing it out to one of the mums in a phone call. Make a point of inviting them for dinner sooner rather than later if it makes you feel better, but stop worrying its time to think about your interview now, put it down to one of lifes experiences.. all will be forgotton soon I promise.

I agree with you mothernature - my mistake was pointing it out - i knew ishould listen to mumsnet rather than my husband

jinna I would have done the same as you. I would have only offered dinner if it was a very close friend or it had been organised earlier. I really think what you did was normal. maybe you were just reading too much into it?!

I am exactly the same though and worry after I have upset/offended/done the the wrong thing and I think when you move to a new area (like I have aswell) the insecure feelings just seem more prevalent iykwim and I do think it makes you a bit paranoid. A 'what if no-one likes me?' sort of feeling

Good Luck with the interview!

I agree, I wouldn't have expected dinner. Coffee and cake is plenty I would have thought. Especially if you don't know thenm that well. Don't panic. They have no right to take umbridge and they probably haven't, but if they are offish, try the dinner invite and that should clear the air. Cake and coffee would do it for me over dinner any day. Are you anywhere near Kent? I do a mean cake and coffee. Good luck with the interview. xxx

Jinna, I have mums and their kids over for tea all the time (and vice versa) and never, never has the subject ever come up of feeding the adults. Never. No matter how late they or we leave. I think you had no need to apologize, and I'm surprised her voice was strained as though she had expected an invitation. That I find strange.

thanks guy - time to get ready for the interview - wish me luck

I've been to many children's tea invites and never assumed that I would be fed too. Tea and cake is absolutely fine! I always assume the mother will be eating later with her partner.

Good luck!

had the interview and it went well - said they would let me know - but i think its mine if i want it? - i talked the other mum this afternoon and she was far more positive - she said she wasn't expecting me to offer dinner!

I would consider myself lucky to get Tea and Cake!!

jinna - I really wouldn't expect dinner at all in that situation, in fact just the opposite as I would expect the kids tohave to get sorted for bed etc

message withdrawn

Jinna, i'm glad the interview went well and on the question of dinner - agree with others that you had no need to invite them to stay for dinner.

I think your husband is just being a normal hospitable Indian (I think you are both Indian, aren't you?) - the very idea of someone leaving your house not feeling stuffed to the gills is almost unimaginable for us Indians isn't it?! I think the mum you spoke to first was worried/stressed about something else entirely and you just assumed (as I would have done too) that she was a bit 'off' because she wasn't happy with you when it was probably something completely unrelated!

sis - you are absolutely right about my husband - AS AN INDIAN WE SHOULD NEVER EVER LET SOMEONE LEAVE OUR HOUSE WITHOUT BEING STUFFED WITH FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

its OK i've realised how silly i've been and if one of the mums is upset - she isn't worth knowing

thanks guys for giving me a reality check - i should go back to thinking i'm always right and make sure my husband knows it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!