Obvious solution or disaster in making? Debts forcing dd2, bf and dgs to ask a "favour"...

[lemonice]

Can we move in with you, Mum?

Bf owes back council tax and utility bills and has one year old child from previous relationship. Was working and now isn't although doing the odd day through an agency. Also silly loan from Provident (door to door).

Dd and bf have ds (b April) and dd is on maternity leave. She has paid off some of bfs debts but now can't pay bills, owes council tax etc.

At the moment they live in exdh house who lives in HK and he doesn't charge them full market rent but it's a nice house with high council tax, bills etc. Bf friends and my ds hang out there all day and night general non work ethic, mess making playing playstation etc. Dd is fed up no time to herself or with bf to maintain relationship.

My house is a mess and definitely not baby friendly (think renovation project and worse) with 3 beds (not very big) and piles of stuff inherited from my mum and no storage, no kitchen etc and dp doing the renovation work.

If I say yes I'm going to have to make some ground rules and can see lots of problems. I'm wondering how I'll cope with all these teenagers.

I would do anything to keep them in their own home. It's not good for them to live with you - they (by which I really mean the bf) will have no incentive to change. So he doesn't have the 'motivation' to go into work? Er, doesn't the fact that he can't afford to pay his bills motivate him? If not, then he will just love living with you and not having any bills, won't he? What on earth will motivate him to work then? I suspect you wil be babysitting all hours, enduring his friends and having him loaf around your house all day. I don't mean to sound harsh, but right now they have a nice home and you have independence from each other - that's not something to throw away lightly. I think before they just give up, revert to childhood and come home to mum, they could talk about what benefits they are entitled to (including maternity allowances), how to reduce their debts (ie change the loan to a low interest one) and get on top of things themselves.

Hi thanks for giving me more food for thought. I was afraid when I first posted that I sounded like a quite nasty person. Dd has some gcses, as far as i know bf has no exams but maybe he did do gcse. Fingers crossed I have got my ds a weekend job so that's one down (told on the phone he could probably have it if he went for an interview Monday) I suppose I'll have to carry on the collecting of application forms and filling them in for bf.

Can't imagine bf studying, though he's expressed some interest in building work.

I haven't seen them since Wednesday so still considering my tack. I don't want to drive bf off. Dgs has an appointment to see a cardiac consultant this afternoon for echo and I'm praying that he has no problems there.

Dp has said he's happy for them to come but if "I go off on one" then he will be showing bf the door. I've already been in major rant attack mode this morning (tossed and turned all night in preparation), got up at 7.00 to pounce on the builders putting up a house next door. Managed an hour and a half of arguing. But now i've hijacked my own thread

I've also got this nightmarish vision of Linda Barker arriving on my doorstep to do a complete life and home makeover.shrieking horror smiley