I want a PROPER birth..

[BassMama]

So..

I am being really sad this evening.. i know.

Anyway, basically, I really want a real birth. My first (only) birth was with my DS, and it was SO traumatic (terrible, terrible labour, lasted 3 days, almost painkiller free, apart from some morphine, wrongly placed epidural that led to spinal injury..) that i still (he is 2.4) haven't bonded with him properly, and me and his daddy seperated (partly due to PTSD and partly due to PND). So I really want to try again, I love all the stories I read on here about lovely births and lying your new baby on you right after birth (i couldnt even look at ds, i was so traumatised, never managed to BF..) feeling love for your new baby etc etc.. i want to experience all that!

I wnat love to come to me, and i want to feel the 'instant love' thing, that i never had.

But as me and DS dad are seperated, should I just go and find someone, anyone, to get me pregnant? Or is it really not that good?

Sounds really strange i know.. I just want to feel what so many of you felt. I hope that if i feel that love for DS sibling, then maybe ill feel it for him too.

BassMama it sounds like you really need to give your DS all the love you can. If you do go get pregnant to any old male, and have a good birth, that will not be the solution to what appears to be bigger emotional issues in your life. And your DS may be extremely jealous and hurt if you devote love to a new baby and not equally give it too him.

I had a fantastic home birth with dd and a C-Section with ds. But that was such a small part of their greater life and I love them both. Take Care