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Original poster

Let me explain the PFB (Precious First Born) thing...

69 replies

SoupDragon · 12/03/2007 18:24

First of all, you simply won't get it if you only have a firstborn
Second, it's not about the child actually being more precious than any subsequent children. I love all 3 of mine equally but I can not deny that DS1 was treated far more preciously than DS2 or DD.

Some examples:

DS1: I would have passionately fought off any child or whatever age who came anywhere near him as a baby.
DS2: I smiled indulgently as DS1 and friends investigated/played with him
DD: I let her get poked and prodded by an entire class of 30 reception age children without batting an eyelid.

DS1: Always clean, nappy-changed and properly dressed and fed before going anywhere
DS2: Sometimes changed/fed/dressed when we arrived somewhere rather than before we left to go there
DD: Don't always rememeber to check what state she's in before going awywhere.

It's about little things that you look back on and laugh at yourself when/if you have a subsequent child. When I only had DS1 I would have sworn I was laid back and calm about stuff (and I was compared to friends etc). Then I had DS2. Then I had DD and realised just how neglectful you can be and they'll still survive

It's also something you must never, ever point out to a parent of a PFB if you spot typical behaviour. You just have to smile to yourself and remember how it used to be... Sometimes I hanker after the simplicity of my PFB days. Sigh.

OP posts:
snipersmum · 12/03/2007 21:53

when DS2 was born, I changed so many nappies on one day I forgot DS1 was still in nappies and was puzzled as to what the white thing was hanign out of his shorts down to his ankles - I was mortified to discover it was the same nappy he had had on all day - for about 9 hours by then..... did it the next day too and practically reported myself to child line in disgust. DS2 now regularly has to put up with the same sort of treatment, but when it gets too much for him, he goes and gets the change mat for me.... guess this is the pattern of things to come

LilRedWG · 12/03/2007 21:53

Squonk - you think you're bitter? Try being number six!

mrsgenehunt · 12/03/2007 21:54

lol

i was 3rd,
pics of my sis every week.
none at all of me.

recognise that scenario now

mrsgenehunt · 12/03/2007 21:56

i was allegedly dunked in the sink and fed myself my bottle.. big sis breast fed for months and months and lovingly bathed

Troutpout · 12/03/2007 21:57

I am no6 of 7
My mother took me to school on my first day
and first day only

with ds1...i used to put cream onto his little face everytime we went out in the wind

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/03/2007 21:57

oh fab!!!!

welliemum · 12/03/2007 21:58

izzybiz that is brilliant!!

But am I weird? I have 2 and I'm much the same for them both, ie basically slack and neglectful.

The only thing I'm different about is that I'm much more relaxed about introducing new foods to dd2 - but dd1 has horrible eczema and food allergies and dd2 doesn't.

Is there anyone else who hasn't done the PFB thing?

Posey · 12/03/2007 22:02

This is really funny and so true
Oh and how dh and I roll our eyes at sis and her dh as they indulge their firstborn who is the same age as our youngest

LieselVentouse · 12/03/2007 22:06

But then I suppose if you compare a first time mother with a more relaxed second time mother there is a difference

fryalot · 12/03/2007 22:11

When my parents went on holiday and rang up to check on us, they would ask about my brother, the cat, the guinea pigs, next door neighbour's dog.... all before asking how I was.

Although I had answered the phone, so obviously alive

Waswondering · 12/03/2007 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bucketsofdynomite · 13/03/2007 09:24

I tried very hard not to PFB as I had a sister and friends with kids so I wanted to be cool . But I still sprayed and wiped the changing mat every time for the first week. Other than that DD made no unreasonable demands so I was able to spend more time chattering on parenting forums than fussing about her.

WaynettaSlob · 13/03/2007 09:32

I was laughing about this with DH at the weekend (although I think I seem to exhibit more of the 3rd child, and I'm only on my ssecond!)
DS1 - nothing ever passed his lips unless I had verified and cross-checked it with at least 5 sources that it was okay for him to eat it.
DS2 - sitting in Pizza Express at the weekend, started feeding him garlic bread and dough balls...he is 9mo!!!

LilRedWG · 13/03/2007 09:34

I'd like to think I've done the PFB thing, but I have to conclude that I must be a terrible woman, because I don't think I have.

I don't sterilise bottles any more (DD is ten months), I don't bother getting her out of a baby grow most days, etc. etc.

I'm usually pretty anal about stuff, DH sometimes calls me Monica (as in Monica from Friends) but I've suprised everyone - especially me - with how laid back I am with DD. We don't rush to the doctor's because she sneezes and I don't stress that she's refusing solids and has been for the past two weeks - she's teething.

Am I a terrible woman or have I just found my calling in life?

Celery · 13/03/2007 09:35

PFB was in proper clothes during the day and sleepsuits at night virtually from birth. Third baby, just over one, is still living in baby grows for 95% of the time. I suppose when he starts walking I'll have to dress him properly, sigh - just one more chore to add to my list!

He still snoozes on our laps in the evenings until we all go to bed, where as PFB had a routine sorted from very early on.

It's not so much that I'm a casual parent, or a confident parent ( although I am ), more that I'm just a totally exhausted, haggard parent

ghosty · 13/03/2007 09:42

I am the fourth (and last) of my parents' children.
Before my mum was pregnant with me they had beautiful professional photos of their 3 cherubs done. Big black and white jobs. They didn't think to do it again when they had 4 children.
So in their bedroom they have this huge wonderful framed picture of my siblings aged just 4, just 3 and just 1.

dejags · 13/03/2007 09:54

My poor PFB was trussed up like a turkey everytime we left the house. On one unfortunate occasion, the poor little bugger had his hand stuck in some pretentious hoody type top sleeve (with his thumb pointing backwards). He screamed blue murder, we couldn't figure out what was wrong and only found out when we pulled the car over and got him out of his car seat .

Second baby got babygrows until he was a year old.

arfishy · 13/03/2007 10:22

I am an only child. But my parents only have photos of the dogs.

Lazycow · 13/03/2007 10:37

I know you will say I only have one so I don't get this and I know the more children you have the more chilled you get but I REALLY did not do most of these things with ds. In fact on the lists provided (by Soupdragon and izzybiz) my ds is in fact a PSB (precious second born) despite being an only.

I genuinely always was fine if other people/children held/poked ds even as a tiny baby. In the early bfeeding days I left a phone number when I left him but quite soon after (when he was 3-4 months old) I assumed the baby sitter could cope and if I could get away with it I went out without leaving a contact no - and I was breasftfeeding and ds hated the bottle - even more .

As an older mother it is probably best if ds is an only child as on the evidence any subsequent children might be more severely neglected than is right!

2Happy · 13/03/2007 10:45

PSML at this thread!
There won't be so many photos of ds1, but that's only because I was so bad with PFB-itis that I asked people not to take photos in case it damaged his eyes

Plibble · 13/03/2007 10:49

Oh dear. By those standards, I am so lax with my first-born that who knows what levels of neglect any subsequent children will suffer. Am off to check out the Bad Mothers' Club...

Rantum · 13/03/2007 11:00

i only have my pfb (2yrs)(so i am really unqualified to comment) but i when i think of having any more i can already imagine myself HAVING to be more chilled about things than I was with ds. I think a more fitting acronym would be pftm (precious first time mum) which i know i have been with ds (who rebels against my preciousness by being a little on the wild side)!

MerryMarigold · 13/03/2007 11:00

'wellie', I'd say i've never done the PFB thing (except the photos!) but hard to say as I haven't got to no.2 yet. think i am MUCH more likely to suffer from Last Ever Baby syndrome (thanks for that 'buckets') - oh no - last ever runny yellow poo (before starting solids).

find this thread very reassuring as sometimes feel neglectful of ds, but on reading this think he is only being treated as everyone else's second or third.

imaginaryfriend · 13/03/2007 11:15

Ok, but isn't there anybody who quite likes / liked the PFB bit? I've only got 1 dd (mostly because I was told I couldn't have any and she arrived, like a miracle, much later in life than I'd have liked) and I must confess to liking the amount of time and attention I can give to her. I've never been quite as precious as the lists on this thread but I do like doing her hair and choosing outfits etc.

Most of my mum friends have 2 or 3 kids and often I envy them madly, especially for dd who would love a sibling, but other times I feel quite glad that now she's 4.5 we can do all kinds of things together without it being a real hassle.

It's all academic to me as I don't have a choice about having any more. If another miracle comes along I'll be really pleased but I guess I'm destined to lavish attention on my PFB!

Flamesparrow · 13/03/2007 11:23

I seem to have missed the PFB stage and gone on to babies 2 & 3 (although I was around my godson for the year before DD was born, so maybe I treated him as PFB??).

I don't know if that makes me neglectful or just very at ease