Do you do 'pity'?

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

I think when people say "I pity you" in that horrible sneering way though, the last thing they are feeling towards you is pity! They are feeling contempt and a desire to make you feel so low that others should be sorry for you just for being you. That isn't real pity, it's just twisted and spiteful.

Ah, cross posted fillyjonk

I agree with Greensleeves: to me, pity pretty much means what just came up when I googled it "sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy, to feel pity or compassion for; be sorry for; commiserate with. "

To me, that's pity. I'm not always able to truly empathise with others - we can't always really put ourselves in another's shoes - but we can feel pity. Or sympathy if you want to call it that.

As greensleeves says - if you're expressing it in a condescending way, or if you're feeling superior as you contemplate another's misfortune - then it's not pity, is it?

I'm not at all religious though, it's all hokum IMO. I don't think pity and compassion are separable concepts. The word "pity" is misused, which to me doesn't alter its actual meaning.

Exactly, which is why I said I loathe the word.

Message withdrawn

Actually, I don't think everyone does know which emotions are good and which are bad. Or rather that there may be better emotions (is better the right word?), more useful maybe. I know people who feel pity, but it wouldn't occur to them that perhaps empathy might be better, in terms of providing help or support.

No it wouldn't occur to them, because there is no difference in meaning between pity/empathy/compassion, so you can't really expect other people to preempt your personal beef with one particular word!

Said witheringly, it's unkind.

Said in its true meaning, it's not.

I pity people. I use both meanings, depending how worthy of my compassion they are [horrible person]

hunkernastymunker

Actually Greensleeves, I mean some people respond in the "well, that's a sad situation they've got themselves into" way, rather than the "if I were in that situation,what would my choices be" kind of way. I'm using my definitions of pity and empathy for their response. Not their use of the word.

Pity may be condecending, but b1tching about someone is hardly any better!
I think the person you were talking to was trying to say that you shouldn't let something upset you, instead rise above it.
Anyway, if you think someone is nasty why not look down on them?
Horrible people deserve to be looked down on IMO.

Oh, your definitions

Elephant.

Pity is essentialy just feeling sorry for someone. Just because you can use the word (with a somewhat sarcastic tone) in an insulting manner doesn't mean there is anything intrinsically wrong with the term.
You could say "I feel so sorry for you" either sincerely or with malice but that won't stop me feeling sorry for people.

Pity is just sympathy when you can't relate in any way to the situation faced by the other person. I reckon that's the only difference.

I never said it was rational.
As Greensleeves says, it is my personal beef.
But I think it's perfectly acceptable to feel that one attitude is more better than the other, whatever the quibble about the words. I think it is possible to see past the terminology. However much the word sets my teeth on edge, it is the attitude counts - of course.

That's just elephant by me

more better??!!

Um, why are you taunting me?

For devilment?

Or am I talking bollocks ?

Greensleeves! Put the bone DOWN!

Beckybrastraps - I can see where you are coming from.

Apart from the 'more better' - that is obviously bollocks...

myturn - are you pitying me?

ROFL!! I was just going to post that I ALMOST you pitied you for saying 'more better'