wondering about sister in-law

[threeangels]

A couple of months ago my sister in-law called me and we started talking about life insurance. She told me her and dh were going to sign the life insurance and also a will. She ask me if I had one because I would especially want one for my kids incase my dh and I passed away. She pretty much said in her own way not directly though that she put her mom as the guardian if her and her dh passed away. I got to wondering something that night. She never mentioned who the next guardian would be if her and my dh's mom passed away. It would not be the stepfather because their mom just remarried and he is up there in age. I seriously doubt the other set of grandparents would get them because their religions are so different. Ones christian and the other is Athiest. My sister in-law has already made it clear this upsets her personally. Since my husband is her only sibling and the only one stable in life wouldnt you think the natural thing would be to ask us to be the next guardian. The cousins are all close. Im just wondering what you all think. I feel like she may not want us for some reason. I cant emagine why. I myself have one brother and will be having him as my next guardian after my parents. Does anyone have any thoughts. I guess this bothers me personally.

Threeangels, maybe your SIL hasn't even thought as far ahead as her mum dying? I only say this because when we made our wills when ds was born, we chose my dh's mum as guardian, and it never occurred to us to think of a 'second rank' guardian' for if anything happened to her. It was only when my aunt (who used to be something big in social services) mentioned that there might be a problem with the children being allowed to go to my MIL because of her age that it even crossed our minds. Now my brother and his wife are our chosen guardians for our kids, with dh's brother responsible for finances along with my brother, just to make sure that the children stay in touch with both sides of the family should anything happen to us.

Maybe it's nothing personal, just that your SIL hasn't thought it through completely.

I've just gone through process of doing wills and guardianships - it's a minefield especially with a mixed religion family and stepchildren! For what it is worth we have my brother as guardian with some close friends being asked to include our children in the other religious festivals. I realise this does not answer your question but I suspect your SIL ahs not thought it through all the 'what ifs'. Maybe you could offer to be second in line if anything should happen. It may be that she thinks it is too much to ask of you when you have your own family to consider. Also, I assume from your wording that she is not a potential guardian for your children in which case maybe she feels that it is not fair to ask you or even is upset that you have not asked her! Sorry, I seem to be rambling on a bit. I hope my thoughts are clear. Good luck!

Well I would rather not have my SIL be the guardian of my kids as I really don't see eye to eye with her on some key things (but she doesn't realise that)... I do not have the guts to tell her. I think she was very surpised that they were not even pick as godparents to our kids... She and her husband are not very in tune with us but they think they are.
So to answer your question Threeangels - maybe she is like me and doesn't have the guts to tell you no to your face ????

threeangels, we have my parents listed as the guardians and no next guardians listed. I trust my parents to make the appropriate decisions and when they get too old or die then I will think of someone else at that time. Although I love my brother dearly, I wouldn't want him to raise my children, but would never tell him so as it would only hurt his feelings.

Threeangels, I think you're giving yourself an unnecessarily hard time about this. When we were thinking about guardians for our babe, we asked a few friends with kids what they'd done, and none of them mentioned lining up more than one set of guardians. I can see that it would be sensible to do so, but for me it's just too terrible to imagine my poor little dd orphaned, then bereaved of the people who would be her guardians - maybe your SIL just doesn't want to go there mentally.

Thank you all for your messages. They all made sense. I guess I honestly did not think clearly about why she did not mention us. Im really a type of person who gets upset before I even think.