Snobby about dummies - were you?

[mears]

I have seen this expression in a few threads so thought it warranted one of it's own.

My first ds was never going to get a 'dummy' and I sat for hours at a time with my pinkie in his mouth thinking that was superior, then he got his thumb.

My second ds was a thumbsucker but contracted meningitis at 6 months and couldn't suck his thumb because he was so ill. He was in pain though and his mouth was getting dry sucking my pinkie so I sent dh to buy him a couple of dummies - a yellow one and a green one. He looked really cute and more importantly got comfort from sucking.

My third ds was premature and I had bought dummies because I knew he would be in special care in an incubator. He didn't need them because he was on a ventilator for a week! When he did start feeding he was settled in between initially but when we got home I used it if I was too busy to breastfeed straight away. I stopped him at 8 months by not replacing it when it burst. He never did find his thumb.

My last baby dd also got a dummy because she was stuck in an incubator under phototherapy needing exchange blood transfusions due to incompatable blood groups. She stoppd about 9 weeks when she got her thumb.

Contraversially I much preferred the thumb sucking because they could find it themselves during the night. None of them have buck teeth by the way.

The point to this ramble is that some babies definately are comforted by sucking. As long as they are not restricted at the breast within the first few weeks and are fixing properly, there is no reason why they can't have a 'comforter' which is a much better term.

I was a total dummy snob, because my mother was and no baby of mine was ever going to get into that awful habit... until ds was born and we gave him one. Luckily soon after he found his thumb and I never had to admit to my mother that Id given him one.

I was also a total bottle snob... until my own ds (12mo) refused to drink out of anything else!

Definitely a dummy snob. Hate the look, and never saw the point. ds1 never had one, and nor has ds2. I, however, do consider myself lucky that neither child went through a really bad "sucky" stage, and I was happy to bf to satisfy their need to suckle. Both children settle well to naps and sleeps (touch wood) so didn't need it then either. ds1 was happy to suck his posset cloth for security, and as its confined to bedtime, he hasn't resorted to carrying it around like Linus (Peanuts cartoon). ds2 at 8weeks settles really well listening to Lullaby Ellie! Long may that last!

Oh yes I'm a dummysnob too, but a dummysnob who wishes she'd used a dummy! Because we didn't like dummies, we never gave our daughter a dummy, but her urge to suck was so strong she just sucked other things instead, the corners of her clothes, or ours, or anything else she could get hold of, & as result she even now has a cloth that she sucks in bed at night, essential to settle to sleep at night. It's horrible, & I wish she used a dummy instead! But how do I get her off it, or will it just happen naturally, when she's ready?

Forgot to say - she's nearly 4 yrs old!

Here's something for anyone who's a dummy snob -

www.billybobpacifierteeth.com

Go there and laugh/faint/curl up and die....I mean, what sort of parent buys this sorta stuff??!!

Message withdrawn

Someone sent my DH photos of these actually being used and some of them are actually very realistic - scary! Have you seen the prices though? I don't know about the child being devasted if they lost one but I know that I would be!

I always used to buy mothercare orthodontic dummies for DS1, they came in a handy plastic carrying case (great for keeping them sterile). DS2 and DD would never use one.

Heheheh...if you liked the dummies, how 'bout this then:

www.better-day.com/pages/mop.htm

They cannot be serious....

I;m so gutted mine are both past the dummies and crawling stage. Will seriously consider a third just to buy these great products!

Love it! I wish I had one still crawling. Mine are past that and just get toys everywhere - anyone got magic spell to tidy up?

PamT - no magic spell, I'm afraid. We've just moved into a new house and ds (4.75) suddenly became very keen on having the living room completely tidy. I was just starting to enjoy a warm feeling of motherly pride in my darling boy when I realised that it was because it had just occurred to him that the new living room was big enough to play football in

Tigermoth - don't start with a dummy now if you've managed to avoid it this long! I'm very anti-dunmmies for any child more than a few months old, I think they look awful, maybe because my local shopping centre is full of 3 and 4 year olds with dummies shoved in to keep them quiet! But I do concede that they can be useful in calming a young baby when unsettled or ill. I think if you introduced it now and your toddler accepted it, it would be murder to wean him/her off it later. How old is your child? How about a story tape at night to get them off to sleep?
Before I get accused of claiming to be a perfect mother again, I've today resorted to a complete withdrawal technique to get my otherwise so-grown-up 3 year old to drink milk from anything other than a bottle. Bribery and psychology have failed, now I've just decided enough is enough and if he refuses milk altogether I'll have toa ccept it and start making lots of cheese sauces to put on all his food instead!

Fionn, thanks for the advice. I did think about saying his bottles were all 'broken' and seeing if he would then accept milk in a cup. As you say, by the age of three, cheese sauce or other dairy foods can replace the white stuff if push comes to shove.

I will look up this fascinating dummy link when I have more time. I want to know what all the virtual giggles are about

You should, Tigermoth, they are both quite hilarious. The sort of thing that would stop mothers-in-law especially in their tracks. Thanks Tiktok!

I have a cousin (grown up now) who used a feeding bottle until he was about six, much to the disgust of the rest of the family. His mum used to put soup in it, breakfast cereal, anything that wasn't actually solid....for things with lumps in like corn flakes or veggie soup she'd use a teat with the end cut off!! I can remember how utterly ridiculous he looked . I would like to say he grew up perfectly normal, but he didn't....he's always been a bit odd (though married with a kid...to the first girlfriend he ever had, not that I am linking that to his extended feeding bottle use, of course!)

Aha, all those who say that thumbs are best because they can find them in the night - my ds finds his own dummy in the night and puts it in himself. I hear a squawk on the monitor, a scrabbling sound, some frantic sucking and then deep, deep peace...

Tiktok, excellent! I especially liked the sales pitch 'be the first in your trailer park to have one'!

Not all babies automatically like dummies. Tried one with our son who just spat it out in the early weeks. Put it away and tried again at 6 months when he just removed it and then carefully examined it and laid it to one side. He never sucked his thumb either. All his comfort sucking was done at the breast.

Now daughter (aged 8 weeks) doesn't look like a thumb sucker but she is a lot easier and I am not going to bother with a dummy. I am not a snob but I do hate seeing parents continually stuffing one in as soon as it falls out.

sucking soup from a teat - yeuch! Tictok your message has definitely spurred me on to phase out the bottles soon - and definitely before my toddler starts school!

I was a dummy snob but in utter desperation after four weeks with a very colicky baby I tried one, I even tied a muslin round his face to try and keep it in!! He would not take it, he used to scream at the breast so ended up expressing and putting in a bottle, bliss- he slept through from 5 weeks!

It wsn't a problem to express, in the early days I could fill a bottle with the amount of milk I leaked from the other breast when feeding, and used to have to take some off before he fed as he was overwhelmed by my milk supply. I did this for four months and then put him straight onto a cup and started to introduce solids, He was by this time 20 lbs and wanting 6 x 8oz bottles during the day and I couldn't keep up!

The doc eventaully gave him Merbentyl (now banned because of associatioin with cot death) and that sorted the colic, he'd even had in in hospital at a day old. The nurses used to pump his legs up and down to get his bowels moving, now at 15 yrs old he still only goes once a week!!

I was that woman: 9 months pregnant, looking down on the common children in the shopping centres who had dummies in their mouths. How my opinions changed within a few weeks. Of all the principled stands we've taken (no bottles, no sugary drinks, no Macdonalds, no eating in front of the TV, no sweets) this is about the only one I've changed my mind on. Not that I feel the need to justify myself, you understand!

Anyway, constructive advice to those of you who think your children are going to be still sucking dummies when they're 18. We were pretty strict about when dd was allowed it after about 18 months (cot, buggy, car seat). This sometimes meant she sat in her buggy for 10 minutes after we got home from nursery, but that was ok. We also had to remember not to understand what she was saying if she was talking through it. Then one night when she was about 2, she didn't ask for it and just stopped taking it (with a relapse when she was under the weather for about 2 months). I'm actually quite adamant about not refusing to give her it when she asks for it. For example it was quite handy last week when we were on a flight when she normally would have been ready for bed.

I must admit I find the idea of "giving away" dummies quite cruel. My MIL, who was quite sniffy about dd's dummies, later told me how she can still remember, 50 years later, being forced to throw hers on the fire!

Tigermoth, don't do it! You've managed all this time without a dummy and you might live to regret using one. I'm a reformed dummy snob. Dd was very placid baby, slept thru night from 10 wks, etc. Never needed dummy. How smug was I? Ds different matter. Very restless, breastfed every hour for weeks, didn't sleep thru till about a year old. Had a dummy from quite early on and (shame) still has it at 3 and a bit. Flippin things drive me mad: can never find one at bed time and he loses them on car journeys. I wish he'd never had one but I know I couldn't have survived his babyhood without. I sucked my thumb till I was 9 and had to wear a brace to straighten my teeth (hideous and painful) and my thumb shrank! (Back to full size now tho'.) Both kids have comfort "blankets" a la Linus. Now they're really disgusting.

Your thumb shrank??? that's amazing!

LIke Empress's, mine is a revoltingly sticky sucker of everything within reach( nearly 6 now!) - but hey, I was a dedicated breastfeeder, and gave her loads of dummies too, didn't send it to the moon until she was three, and hug and kiss my kids so much other kids say "eugh, yuk". Her little brother was breastfed less, refused a dummy and stopped automatically exploring things with his mouth before he could walk. I have no answers, I just think some kids are orally obsessive little germ factories and it's a good thing they look so cute. She gets a kick out of it, hope she doesn't find out about fags for few years yet.

Actually my thumb shrank too, as I was a longterm thumbsucker! Always looked very shrivelled and wrinkly (like after being in the bath too long! ) and it is still slightly flatter on side-view than the other. Strangely I sucked my left thumb but am also lefthanded...how about you Xausted?