Odd! But should I be worried?

[Tanzie]

I was off work today (sick, as was DD2) and was woken up late morning by the doorbell ringing several times (eg not waiting for anyone to answer, just pressed it three or four times on the trot, for quite a long ring). I peered out of the window and it was Horrible Ex Nanny's husband. I went down to answer the door and he was...pacing. He looked up when I answered and looked completely shocked to see me. He asked why I wasn't at work, then said he was returning some papers I had asked his wife to sign and retunr - she couldn't come as she was ill. He then said. "She now has to look around for another job and I will have to look after the baby." I just said, yes, then said I would sort the papers out when I was back at work on Monday.

After he had gone, it occurred to me that he certainly wouldn't have expected to see me there - I should have been at work - so was he coming to have a go at our new nanny, maybe? He certainly seemed a bit fired up about something. She is on holiday for a few weeks - think I should maybe warn her when she comes back? But say what? Don't answer the door to him/use intercom? (which only works when it feels like it). Having thought about this a bit more now I am feeling better, it all seems a bit odd. His tram fare here would have cost him 4 times the postage, and the papers weren't urgent, so they could easily have been posted. Any ideas?

God I can't believe she's still causing you grief Tanzie, even after she's gone. I'd tell new nanny to beware (but no idea how you do this without scaring her tbh) I think, but who knows what he'd planned to say to her? Could you get someone to pretend to be new nanny to see what he says? Maybe that's a bit extreme though. Sounds like he was up to something if it would have cost him so much etc.

does sound a bit odd. a couple of things i can think of.

1. maybe he was upset with your nanny for some reason, and was expecting her to answer. as she's new and presumingly replaced his wife, then maybe he wanted to have a go at her?

2. he says he has to look after the baby now, maybe this is really stressing him out, so everything is getting on top of him, and probably just wanted to get out and give you the papers as an excuse to get out.

3. if he is really stressed, then maybe he wanted to take it out on the nanny as if he moaned that his wife has to look for another job, which goes back to point 1. lol, have i confused you?

The call was completely out of the blue. She is still causing me grief and costing me a fortune. (I have to pay her full salary until the end of August and then she either goes back to the Far East - we pay again and I have said we will pay for her and baby, but not her DH who is here illegally - the MFA have confirmed that he is not on their list, so he is definitely illegal.)

I could tell new nanny to look out of upstairs window and if she sees a small dark skinned man with spiky hair, not to let him in.

DD1 said again today that she never wanted to see old nanny again...

Tanzie, be very careful with this and keep the nany well informed about the real situation, it may scare her a bit but at least she wil now what to expect. I wouldn't be worried about him having a go at the new nannie but at him scaring my child... sorry, I don't want to scare you but given their history... sorry..

Thanks for your advice. Think I will tell new nanny not to answer the door if she sees him (he is fairly distinctive) and to ring me or DH at work to let us know.

I think you do need to warn the new nanny; potentially dangerous for her and for your dds if you don't. What if he turns up again and new nanny lets him in, because she doesn't know the background? You don't have to make it sound terrifying.
Many years ago my mother had to tell our au pair not to answer the door to one of our family friends (had had some kind of breakdown and hit his wife although obviously I didn't know that at the time). Au pair did what she was asked (kept the chain on the door) and it didn't make her walk out, IYSWIM.

Chain also good idea. I just wish I had been a bit more with it when he turned up. I can see the whole family "disappearing" into the underworld when her ID card runs out. Frankly, I think they would be so much better off just going back to Far East, where they (apparently) have their own small business (but who would be running it now?) and their other three children. They have got themselves into a right mess now, and I don't see how they can have enough money to send any back.