Terrified nobody will come to dd's party

[Fizog]

... absolutely and honestly I'm dreading it. dd will be 2 v. soon and I'm terrified nobody or even worse just a couple of children will come.

I work full time and so don't really have any 'mummy' friends that I see regularly and tend to be the sort of person who always sits on the edge of already established friendship groups.

I have mostly invited people that I met at a mums & tots group while I was on maternity leave but feel like I don't really know them anymore and worry that they might not be bothered to turn up. They all live very close to each other and I never see them anymore (still send cards and have been to all of their childrens 2nd birthday parties)

I know 2 children that will definitely come but won't it be awful if there's just 3 children in the whole room. Actually I felt like this last year and they did come but last year was only 6 months after I went back to work. Now it's 18 months!

In my head I know I'm being silly and it will be fine. I am being silly, aren't I? They'll come won't they?

Just need to get this off my chest, can't stop thinking about it. It's just my own insecurity and I don't want it to rub off on dd nor do I want any of my friends or family realising that I am so insecure.

Oh I hate this, I hated it last year and I'm fairly sure I'll hate it next year. What if dd ends up with no friends because I am so shy and terrible at forming lasting relationships??

Oh help.

Oh Fizog, I'm sorry you're suffering like this. I'm not great at the friendship-building malarky either, and I'm fairly sure I reduced my ds1's quality of friendship with several boys simply because I couldn't bring myself to establish relationships with mothers I didn't like/click with. In the long run, though, don't worry - once they start school, they all seem to mix pretty well.

And I'm sure people will come to your party. Did you get RSVPs? I think on the whole, that if people say they're going to come, they do, although I did have a couple of no-shows last year and posted on mn about it, as I was v v v cross. It will be fine, honest.

God, it's sheer hell, this party thing, isn't it?

i talked to my ds1's teacher about this - there seems to be so much pressure these days to have birthday parties when they are so young. she said because it is THEIR day she would recommend 1 friend for when they are 1 year old, 2 friends for when they 2 and so on. otherwise you and your dd end up stressed and overwhelmed when it should be her day. have you asked what she would like to do? the reason i ask is i posted in feb about this and was getting very worked up about my ds1's 4th birthday, recently moved area, we are quite self-contained people not very very social, felt i didn't know mums well enough to ask etc. when one of the mums said 'ask him' so i did and he wanted to go on a boat ride. so we hired a a boat for a couple of hours, took 5 of his friends and their parents and had a lovely day. he still talks about it.IF a few turn up please don't worry. change tack if you want to. go for a nature walk/treasure hunt/cinema/aquarium/zoo/sing/dance. most of all enjoy. remember its QUALITY NOT QUANTITY

Fizog, I will be paying attention to this thread, I'm terrified about the same. DS have very good friends at nursery and we know each of them by their names but we don't know any of their parents. Our friend circle is mainly childless and as I am very shy (I can speak for ages about something I like but... I am terrified about small talk, so I don't find it easy to make casual friendships!). So yes, I will hate myself if because of my lack of social skills nobody shows to DS's birthday party. I was even thinking in organising a "birthday trip" to disneyland or any other place he may enjoy just to save him from feeling rejected

Shrub, that's a great idea! I'm off to write it down!

Thanks guys.

I thought about inviting some of the children from nursery who's parents I say hello to but was scared of all the nursery politics that might come into it so didn't invite any of them. Also not really on name terms with the parents, just 'hello' terms but then somebody has to make the first move don't they!?!?!

Maybe I just think too much and over analyse things.

Chandra, I could have written your post myself. I find small talk the problem. I have a small but strong friendship group but it is childless.

chandra - do you mean boat ride? if so it cost £30 for 2 and a half hours. i telephoned my local tourist info. as it was winter time and no ferry boats. i just find the whole big social thing too much but am also aware i don't want to pass this down to my sons. we are taking tiny steps

Fizog, you are doing far better than me, I don't even know how the parent's of Ds's friends look like...

Mumsnet has been very helpful in helping me develop small tlak "skills" but I'm still far from proficiency!!!

Shruub, about making an activity that may be also of interest to the parents and provide a good converstaion starte fro the involved, and adding one child to the list per each year also makes it easy on my shyness

shrub, don't you worry about the politics of the 'number of friend for the age' idea?

What if someone has their nose put out because you invited 'x' but not 'y' then your child doesn't get invited to y's big party because 'y' didn't get invited to your party...

...am I thinking like a child? that's what would happen round here. Why can't women be more like men when it comes to things like this? then there wouldn't be a problem, nobody would get offended at not having an invite somewhere...

i also know a few mums like you and me that feel when their children are at this age you want to keep the day for yourselves as a family. this may be selfish but once they are at school its a different ball game. then you will be worrying about how to cope with so many children and sleep overs!

fizog - i can understand that you might be feeling anxious about x and y scenerio because you went to their parties, so it feels like an obligation more than anything to return the favour? if it were me i would ask your dd who she would like to invite and take it from there. if she goes to nursery with these children who have had their birthday parties take in a cake for a seperate celebration, or an afternoon picnic. explain that you just wanted to do it her way while she is young? other childrens parents can be so scarey!

shrub, I sincerely hope that is the case!! would rather have to cope with too many than too few.

I must try not to worry so much.

shrub, posts crossed.

Yes I do feel like it's an obligation but also feel like I want to do it for my own sake as well as dd.

I would ask dd but she'll just reel off the names of the nursey staff and staff at other places we go as well all the children and 'bear', 'gymbo', 'brester bear', 'nemo' and 'the fimbles'

Fizog, I had a massive party for dd when she was 1, a much smaller one this year and plan to have her cousin and two close friends next year. Think parties are so over-hyped and my dd hates crowds anyway.

Think you just have to remember that she will make her own friends - I'd never have been friends with ANYONE my mum wanted me to when I was young! The shame