Survey .. what's the oldest age you would consider having a child

[twiglett]

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I don't know and I was 47 a few weeks ago. Dp is 36. I have three dd20,dd19 (+dgs 9weeks) and ds 16 but dp has none. We met 5 years ago when he was 31. Very interested and surprised to see so many older mums.??Not very likely or wise I guess.

I mean for me obviously not anyone else

I think 42 is probably the upper limit - but it depends on the person I suppose. I had my first at 28 and am now pregnant with my 4th at 34. We started quite early (well earlier than anyone else we knew) as we wanted youngish grandparents. I am struggling much more with this pregnancy than the others, but that could be as much to do with the fact that it is my 4th as with the fact I am 6 years older. Dh is my age - and is getting the snip after this one (although he doesn't know this yet!!)

pollyanna - You going to do it when he's sleeping?

My Mum was a similar position to you, lemonice. She's on her second marriage , although DH2 is older than her he had had no children in his prevoius relationship, and Mum seriously considered having another. She asked us our opinions - we were all for it, but then I had DS1 and she decided to spoil mine instead! I would have quite enjoyed having another Dbro or Dsis!

Should have said, she was about 46 when she was considering it.

If necessary!

I think after 40 you should just consider your own health and sanity, otherwise why should there be an age limit on having children. I'm 30 with two small children.

A friend of mine said to me, pre-kids, "If you're going to have them, have them before you're 35 as you don't have the energy after that!"

I ignored her advice and later discovered that she was right...

I had my son at 38, and didn't and don't struggle. Yes, the sleep deprivation was HORRIFIC, but that was because he barely slept at night for eight months - ie woke up five times a night, often stayed awake for two to four hours in the night (1am to 4am) and sometimes slept for twenty minutes, then woke for thirty etc etc. I couldn't believe some babies went straight to sleep after night feeds! My ds NEVER once did. I think that would have been hard for me at 18! But now I don't think I'm less energetic or committed than a younger parent and have never been mistaken for his gran or anything. I am lucky in that my mum had me young (23) so his grandma is an extraordinary fit, strong, lively 64 year old (still performing and a ballet and pilates teacher) and they are very close. But I know that having kids young was a bad decision for her and rather ruined her life in many ways. I think that subconsciously affected my choices, though I didn't meet my husband until I was 35 and that also made a difference. I don't think we act or look old and we do all the normal stuff with him.

I'm reassured by this thread. More people I've met in the flesh have seemed to feel that they want all theirs out by 35... which doesn't correspond with my feelings or experience at all. Am 31 with first baby and intend to stay in the picture as long as I can muster the energy and desire for it...

Twiglett, sorry to be cheesy but no way are you 37 having seen photie on may thread??? or is that not you holding baby???

OOH, where's the pic?? (Love seeing what mumsnetters look like!)

didn't intend to have them at all....so an oldie...ds born when 39. Doubt I would have another, but not because of the age issue...

It all depends upon your circumstances. In my 20's I would have always stated 'None after 35' but life doesn't work out like that. Didn't meet my boyfriend until I was 37, felt should wait a bit to check he was going to stick around and have now just had a miscarraige at 39. He's only 32. I'll keep going whilst I can I think. My granny had her last at 46.

I'm interested to hear all the comments from people who say they think they wouldn't have the energy to be an older mum. As I said at the beginning of the thread, I had my first (and only) at 42.5. Sleep deprivation wasn't a severe problem for me (and I was a single mum). But, that may be because I had 20 years of extensive international travel for my career so was accustomed to functioning in a perpetual state of jet-lag.

Do you all honestly feel you now have less energy than you used to?

No, not in the least, I have more if anything. Much more "together" than I was in my twenties too. I do think that it can take longer to get back in shape after pregnancy when you're older (infinity in my case ) but that's about it really.

I am 28 and i'm done! 2 ds is enough for me they are 8 and 5.

I have said I'll go for number 3 when DS1 is at school and DS2 at nursery (2 years time) but then I realised that I would be nearly 40 then and thought that may be a bit late. But, if Cherie Blair can do it.....

As far as having enough energy goes, I feel much better organised, able to say "no" when I need to, not stressed by some things as I might have been when a lot younger and not much less energetic. I have also found that having a baby at 43 is a doddle after having one with autism at 35 (I get on the trampoline with him every week, get in the pool with him every week etc). When I'm tired and people say "well, if you will have a baby at your age" the answer is that the baby is not the problem, its managing and providing for my son!

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Had all 4 of mine by 28. DH wants another & I'm not sure... we have 4 teenagers who basically do their own thing. I don't have to supervise them all the time & they feed themselves & sleep well!!! As others have said, the thing that really puts me off is having to be responsible for another child until I'm 60, since I'm now 41. I think I would like some child-free years!

Easy, I've got no energy at all. It seems to have been since turning 40 that I really feel old.. can't sit on the floor like I used to, or stand for long periods... & I'm not pregnant! (although I do manage to do a weekly ballet class)

I'll be 36 when sprog arrives and I feel a bit too old!

Although this is my first, definitely not planning on having any more

35 or 6 I think. Also got to consider fact that dh is 14 (!) years older than me, so if I was 36 he would be 50, and by time baby was 18, he would be 66!!! Definitely an older dad! But actually, will prob be younger - maybe 31 or 2 if plans stay the same.

I had dd1 at 37 and dd2 at 40, and think I'd consider another an option till I'm about 45. By which time I'm hoping the broodiness will have worn off!

had ds at 33, am 36 now with imminent arrival, would say 39 is the oldest. the major barrier in my mind though is pg - i really don't think i can do this again (and i haven't had any serious medical problems).