Survey .. what's the oldest age you would consider having a child

[twiglett]

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I had ds1 at 32, ds2 at 34 and hope to have ds3 just short of 37. I personally would probably have another up to 40 but dh has said no way as he is 40 this year and does not want to be dealing with teenagers when he retires!

My mum had 6 children from when she was 20 to 30. And got pregnant again at 40 and at 42 so I have two younger teenage brothers. She is absolutely delighted she went on to have more kids, and other than feeling more tired physically, she has always felt her older years benifitted my brothers. I have noticed as well she is much more chilled out with them than she ever was with us.

Eyelash - I have the opposite experience with my Mum. She had my sister and I in her 20's, then had my brothers at 37 and 40. She started going through the Menapause when she was 46 and turned into one of theeeeee most selfish people I know! She used to complain bitterly all the time that she doesn't have a life of her own coz she has 2 more children.... even though they were through choice (well one was for sure).

...actually come to think of it.... I think my Mum was probably always like that! She's a bit of a martyr.

Tbh I think its hard to say when you are in your 20's what you think the oldest age you would want to be childbearing. Who knows what the future holds?

I am 26 and feel like I dont want anymore now. Dh is 34 and thinks he is 'too old' to have anymore, I ask you? I dont think its that he thinks he is too old atm but I think he thinks if we are going to have anymore we should do it sooner rather than later iykwim. As we both are atm neither of us wants another baby in the works. I had just turned 22 when I gave birth to my daughter and 23 (almost 24) when I had my son. Personally for me I think it was too young. My daughter has special needs and although I dont resent her I do feel like I have missed out a bit on being young, going out etc. and not having no worries. i feel like I have had to grow up to fast and underestimated the impact having children has on our lives. I wouldnt wish them not here though and I am so glad my sister saw them both before she died. She worshipped the ground they walked on. Also my daughter starts school in september and I feel that I will be able to start doing more for 'me' instead of for everyone else. I just cant see me having anymore and I dont think its anything to do with age.

I have waffled on and on and I dont think I have made any valid points here. I think what I am trying to say is age isnt important its what feels right for you

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I had DD when I was 18 and DS when I was 22 so I dont want to be having any past about 26 - when I had DD so young I made a decision that I didnt want to have kids young then wait for years and have another - I think I will have one more in a few years time then thats it!

BUT I just KNOW I will get broody and end up having one every 4-5 years or so and end up with about 8 kids!

definitely finished now at 38 (kids aged 8, 6 and 2). Its actually quite a nice feeling, knowing that that yearning for another child is finished. Now I would like to concentrate on doing some stuff for me . I think its quite a personal thing but I am already often exhausted and couldn't imagine starting all over again at say 42.

I agree that what you have to look at is how old you will be as your children are growing up. I wanted to retire at 50 - DD will be 10 (although neither DS or DD show any signs of being bright enough for university, so that sounds nice and cheap )(we're encouraging DS to be a premiership footballer or win Pop Idol as valid and cheap career choices). However DH's grandmother lived at home with her second husband until she was 102, and died at 103. His parents are in their very late 70's and look and act as though they were in their early to mid-60's. My grandmother died last year at a very fit and alert 93. Not sure what my point is....!

I had dd when I was 35, nearly 36. Am thinking of another but tbh I don't know if I'm up to it physically. Wouldn't try past 40 I suspect (am nearly 38 now)

anchovy - rofl at footy or Pop Idol careers!!!

I'm nearly 41 and had dd at 40 plus five days. Ds1 (five today!)was born when I was 35. Late successful pregnancies run in my family (mum had us at 34 and 37 which was considered seriously wrinkly in the 60s) and like Twiglett's dad, both my parents are doing fine at 79 and 74. So yes, I am concerned about knowing my grandchildren in a way, and my children knowing my parents well, but happy with the way things turned out on the whole. I liked having older and (usually) wiser parents, and my "ancient" mother never tried to borrow my teen tiered skirts or Goth regalia, thankfully.
I wouldn't try for another because I have had a stillbirth at 39 and also (and this is a personal issue, not a general opinion), I would not want amnio or CVS, so I'd be running a higher than average risk of chromosomal defects in the baby.
Interesting survey Twiglett.

I had DS1 at 26, DS2 at 29 and DD at 32 and I'm 33 now. I probably won't have anymore due to financial/accomodation reasons but I'll keep my options open for number 4. The plan is that if our circumstances do change then I'd like to have a late baby at 40/41 whatever so the other 3 will be more independant. I don't have any worries about doing this, my mum and Nan were both in their 50's before they went through menopause, and both sides of the family live to a reasonable age, with no mental deteriation (sp?)

Obviously this is a long way in the future. We may never be in the position to have another and I might get to 40 and decided I like my freedom too much

Greatexpectations - how wonderful, I take my hat off to you!

In my naive pre-baby days I used to say "I don't want to be changing nappies when I'm 40" so I had ds at 32 and dd at 34. Now I realise that it doesn't matter when you have them, as long as you feel it the right time. We're hoping for one more but after my ectopic earlier this year, we will wait a bit before trying so I will be at least 37 before that one arrives. If I am unlucky and have another ectopic, then that will probably be it as I don't feel able to go through IVF.

I'm sure I'd be willing to up to age 43-44, and probably later, if I really wanted another (which I don't!).

I think 40... will be 34 soon (!) and hope to have second when I'm 35/36, that gives me a bit more time if I want another...!

feel quite depressed reading this this morn!

We obviouslt thought about dp's age (48) but are just on our second now and i probably want more.
I think that whats important is the here and now and dp is a great dad!

Stupid bloody pregnancy hormones upsetting me

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Angeliz, don't be upset. My dh was 50 when dd was born; she's 6 now and neither she nor ds has ever even noticed that their dad is a bit older than average. As long as he's a good dad that's all that matters, surely?
xx

Thanks Tamum

Don't be down, Angeliz - a lot of the concerns aired here are related to viable ovaries/family history of menopause etc...not sperm quality
I work with a dad whose second child was born when he was 50 and he is a super, hands-on, doesn't-think-twice-about-it father. And his children aren't remotely bothered.

Oh, Tamum, posts crossed!

angeliz dont take it to heart love I dont think age is important at all

Thread too long to read all of it but I had a baby last year at 43 and I would have another if I wasn't worried about autism (my 9yr old DS has ASD). Only the 2 kids, not lots in between making me this age. This is how its worked out, the big gap and my old age is due to my own poor health so not anything else we could do. Only alternative was expereince parenthood ONLY with a child with a severe disability. Having babykins is wonderful for all of us!

Great minds think alike Marina

Davros, that's really nice. I'm so glad you managed to have two children in spite of everything.

I'm surprised how positive the older mothers on here are. my dbro is 9 and his dad is 69. He is very uncomfortable with his dad's age and gets cross that he can't do things that younger dads can (although he is one of the fittest, strongest 69 year olds going). My teenage sisters also have "issues" with having an older parent even though he was in his 50s when they were born.

Not trying to offend anyone but still suspect that being "comfortable" if you have kids later (unlike my mum) must make a massive difference to the way you approach things.

35 maximum. (I'm 30 in October)