ds bitten at nursery - what to do?

[Bagpuss30]

I have just picked ds up from nursery this afternoon and noticed when I put him in the car that he had a bite mark on his cheek. I have asked him where it came from and it appears that a boy at his nursery bit him when he took a toy car (they were playing on the floor together). DS did tell a teacher and the other boy did make up with him but the mark is still there, purple and really obvious what it is. I am not upset by the fact that he argued with another child (as they all do this from time to time), more annoyed that the mark is quite severe and the nursery staff did not tell me why he had got it. Should I do anything more about it or just let it go? I don't want to make a big issue out of it but feel that snatching toys is one thing but biting is quite agressive behaviour by comparison. Just a bit confused now as I still feel rather new to all this pre-school malarky and don't want to offend anyone but want to get my point across.

They should have put it in the accident book and told you about it, that's general nursery/preschool Health & Safety policy ime. You won't offend them if you say something like 'I noticed x was bitten, is there an accident report I need to sign? Is it something you think will happen again and can you watch to see if you can make sure it doesn't?' They will probably watch the offending child a bit more closely in future. The policy at the nursery my ds used to go to (big chain London one) was that you didn't get told who the biter was, (guess they didn't want scraps between the parents in the cloakrooms!) just assured that they were keeping an eye on it. That's all they can do really, a lot of children bite at a young age. Hope your ds is ok.

Well behaviour support teams are generally keen to point out that from a child's point of view biting is no worse than pushing to get a toy. They don't understand the issues behind biting iyswim.

Agree with WWW though- most nurseries have an incident book- at our nursery both parties sign the book. DS1 went through a 2 week phase of scratching and pinching recently (having been there for 2 years without being in the incident book as an agressor once!) and was in there 6 times in 2 weeks. I spoke to the manager about it (partly because I almost dies seeing 6 kids wandering around with big scratches on their face- and I was worried about being cornered by other parents!). She said that she wasn't worried as no particular child had been singled out. She also said that usually she gives no details as to who did the damage- but that in our case she had as ds1 is autistic- and she wanted the parents to realise that he hadn't been behaving aggressively.

I think it might be asking your nursery what their policiy is and whether they have an incident book. They may just have forgotton to ask you to sign it.

Ds1 has been bitten at pre-school and has also been the biter. Each time it has happened I have been told about it and signed an incident/accident book. I think is a standard policy so it's worth mentioning next time you go in.

Thanks WWW and Jimjams. That's a good point about the accident book. Usually we have to sign when he falls over (this has sometimes been during an altercation with another child!) and that sort of thing which is why I'm so surprised that I didn't have to sign today. I do know which boy it was as ds told me but certainly wouldn't wish to embarass the other parents by making a particular thing of it. As you say www I would just like to know that they are keeping an eye on the child etc. I know biting is normal for some toddlers but I was just shocked to see it on his face I suppose.

Thanks once again .

Will do coppertop, sorry posts crossed!

Just to say that my dd had an identical experience last week. I found it very upsetting indeed. They did make a point of showing us the bruise (it is still there 5 days later) and of explaining how it happened. They did not name the biter for obvious reasons. We were not asked to sign a book, which I found really strange, as we have done so when she has fallen. This is something which I am going to raise with them.

I definitely think that you should raise it with the nursery, as you are owed an explanation. If you had sent your child to the nursery with a big bruise, I would hope that the nursery would ask you about it (this is certainly true of my dp's school).

Thanks for your posts. I have raised it with the nursery this morning and they seemed totally unaware of the problem/disagreement. They were concerned though and spoke to my ds and reminded him that next time he should tell a teacher. They also said that ds had been very unsettled throughout the session yesterday and cried on and off but wouldn't tell them why (they never mentioned this to me yesterday). They have written it all up in the incident book which I have signed. Other child was not there today (stick worried emoticon here).