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Original poster

if your child goes to a classmates house for tea

42 replies

cheeryface · 22/02/2007 13:55

do you return the favour?

OP posts:
Original poster
cheeryface · 22/02/2007 14:32

yeah, i think i will invite the second one around again (the other was a nightmare)

it just threw me a bit this morning when said boy was telling me and ds2 all about his playdate last night with 2 other classmates, i thought, what about ds2 ?

OP posts:
Oati · 22/02/2007 14:40

CF of course your boy has friends - if classmates are quite happy to come to yours for a playdate then they must like your ds2.

My ds1 makes no bones about refusing to go to tea/parties if he's fallen out or isn't friendly with the "invitor" ( no social graces for my boy )

Gobbledigook · 22/02/2007 14:42

Yes, usually.
I wouldn't if I found them a nightmare to handle though.

TenaLady · 22/02/2007 14:42

Generally yes

Original poster
cheeryface · 22/02/2007 14:47

ye, oati, i guess so.

while we are on the subject of kids and other kids, there are another set of twins in ds2 class who are very cocky and mature for their years, they are always upsetting ds2.
for e.g he was about to show someone his new footy boots in in the cloakroom and one of these twins said ' bet they're rubbish'

they think it's hilarious to run off with his ball, stuff like that.

i have spoken to the teacher a few times and it seems there isn't much she can do, she says he gives as good as he gets

but, they really upset him, so, would you approach the parents?

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 22/02/2007 14:48

yes, but the one from yesterday isn't coming back!

I'd feel awful if I didn't return the favour, and I'm now going to have to find some way to politely decline any further invites for dd to go to her house too!

Original poster
cheeryface · 22/02/2007 14:56

what happened ? !

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Kelly1978 · 22/02/2007 16:02

oh she was a little brat. Was horrible to dd's younger brothers, and nothing was good enough for her. I was prewarned, so had to get chicken nuggets in for tea as she doesn't eat healthy food. Then she turned down a choice of pineapple and papaya flapjacks, chocolate brownies and raspberry and white chocolate traybake then winged to her mum that she hadn't had pudding.
She wanted the car radio station changed, she wanted dt1 put in his cot, she was jsut like that girl off charlie and the chocolate factory.

Thinking about your dilema, is it worth inviting the twins over? Maybe you could improve the relationship by spending time with them all yourself? I'm not sure what their mother woudl really be able to do.

Original poster
cheeryface · 22/02/2007 16:14

sounds a nightmare.
there is no way i am having those twins around here they are awful. one put two fingers up at me the other week.
they were actually friends with ds2 in reception class and came to his party but they were stood on the tables and allsorts, never again!

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Kelly1978 · 22/02/2007 16:17

god that sounds like what I've got in store for the future, my dts are a nightmare!

Does the mum seem approachable?

Original poster
cheeryface · 22/02/2007 16:20

it's normally the dad that picks them up and i don't really want to talk to him.
he was dead friendly for the first couple of years, kept chatting with me as we waited on the benches outside the classroom and then all of a sudden he started avoiding me snd now doesn't even let on!

i can't imagine what i might have said to cause that, it was before any problems between ds2 and his twins were apparent. he just walks passed looking mightily grumpy all the time theses days!

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SSShakeTheChi · 22/02/2007 16:54

I think if you've only invited dc over twice in all that's not much to go by. If you like the dc you had over, invite them again, or try inviting other dc, if you're happy to do that. I imagine at some time it all just takes off with invites back and forth.

I don't do playdates if I can avoid it but dd goes if she is invited. I don't generally invite anyone back although I have sometimes done it in the past. Dd's best friend is a wild (but likeable boy) but I can't face having him round. He's too much for me but not a bad kid in any way. His dp love having dd round though because of course they're used to their ds's wild ideas and dd has a sort of calming effect on him so it makes him easier to handle IYSWIM whereas having him here means bedlam and I'm not used to it.

Dd was invited to a little girl's house on Friday and she looked really upset when I came to pick her up. She found the girl too bossy and said she'll never go there again and won't have her here. In a case like that it is tricky. I can't repeat that to the dm without offending her but I would find it weird to invite the girl round against dd's wishes - and dd is VERY easy going (unlike me). So unless the dm expressly asks me whether her dd could come and visit, I wouldn't invite her.

On Tuesday we were invited to a boy's place who dd doesn't like much but I didn't like to refuse. It was ok but I noticed (I was there the whole time) why he gets on dd's nerves and she did say she didn't want him to come here. Frankly, I'm not keen either so I'm hoping to get out of inviting them back.

I've had little girls over in the past who were very difficult to please and even really catty despite being maybe 4 at the time. Dd isn't like that at all and I found it a real turn-off TBH. I don't think I am a great lover of children TBH. Some I like, some I don't but there aren't many I like having in my home.

I can imagine what probably happened in your case is that the mum just asked "who would you like to invite over?" and the ds answered "the twins" because he'd been playing with them that particular day. I don't think you or your ds are being snubbed from what you've written.

KTeePee · 22/02/2007 17:09

Also worth bearing in mind that families with older children ime tend to do less in terms of playdates, partly because the more school-age children you have the more likely you are to have after-school activities but also because you tend to have children back in order to help out friends who are at work, have to do an airport pick-up, etc rather than as a social occasion for your children.

TinyGang · 22/02/2007 17:13

Well I try to but your post has just reminded me that ds had one ages ago that we didn't return - it just went straight out of my head tbh.

I try to keep up with them, but yes it does slip. I find them difficult to fit into a school week if I'm honest.

scatterbrain · 22/02/2007 17:19

Oh I hate playdates with a vengeance !! Just managed a whole half-term without doing one !! But yes - on the whole I try and retunr the favour - I quite often have to ask for a favour as I work f/t - so I always feel indebted ! But also knackered and really not up for playdates !!!

Have had my share of catty little girls and my dd doesn't really like her school friends that much - she prefers her out of school friends who she sees at weekends anyeway - I think on the whole she has enough of the school friends at school ! That sounds odd !

MrsPhilipGlenister · 22/02/2007 17:21

We always return the favour but we often don't tend to initiate ie we wait for the DSs to be invited, and then invite the inviter back.

Oati · 22/02/2007 17:23

this thread has prompted me to return a playdate that I've owed for about a month

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