Christening dilema

[fee77]

Problem - i am CofE DH is R.C.. We married in Vegas to avoid this problem, but now DD is here we don't know what to do. Neither of us are very religious, and are only really getting her christened to satisfy the grandparents (all 4 of them were calling for it when she was in hospital with meningitis.)
This will sound awful, but which is the easiest to get done? Will one of us have to change religions? I was told for R.C. you have to attend "classes"? And how far in advance to you have to plan it?

Message withdrawn

i had dd christened last year. im r.c. the father is c.o.e. we had dd christened r.c. we attended 2 classes which basically went over what was going to happen and why you should have baby christened. you dont have to change religions. if you decide to go for r.c. they want you to attend church especially if you're planning your dd to go to a r.c. school. we had the classes in april, dd was christened in august

HTH

Family would prefer a religious ceremony - they seem to be worried that if anything happens she will be condemned to hell!! A bit dramatic i think!! Strangely neither set of parents are bothered which religion we choose.

Your rellies clearly believe in a very strange and wicked God who would condemn a baby to hell just because her parents hadn't christened her! Unbelieveable. There isn't anything about it in the Bible, you can tell them.
The CofE is usually pretty unbothered about rigorous attendance, isn't it?

or you could take the option of not having dd christened and say you would rather wait til shes older and can decide which religion she wants to be since both of you have different ones

Will admit i'm RC in advance but my bf was in same situation to you. her DP is RC and she's CofE. They aren't married. They went for an RC christening when their DD was 3y because where they live the RC school is fantastic and they wanted to be 100% sure of a place. The CofE schools are all viillage primaries and take all-comers anyway.

They went to mass on and off for a few months before the christening and had a meeting with the priest. Baptism was lovely aand i got to be godmother!

Most priests are very nice and don't set out to make it hard for people to get their kids baptised. Also don't worry taht you weren't married in church, it won't make any difference.

Have you thought about going along to mass and to a CofE service to see how you both feel about the atmosphere etc? Family mass/family communion service times are usually listed on the notice board outside.

We have just booked dd christening. I am r.c (not practicising) and dh has no religion - hasnt been christened himself.

Our R.C churh has accepted our booking with no probs - we need to attend a 1 hr session - preparing for baptism. TBH , the saying 'beggars cant be choosers' springs to mind. I mean we are not practising at the moment, but will do when children are older so that we can teach them, and I think that that is enough for the church thesedays as it doesnt seem to be 'popular ' anymore.

Both my ds and dd have been christened (CofE) and we had to go to a class at the vicars house for each of the christenings. All about the meaning of God, Christening etc and I must admit at times he did get quite heavy. But it was well worth it. Both christenings were lovely. Mil didn't aprove of the christenings however. She thinks they should be able to make their own decisions as to their religion. Who asked for her opinion anyway???

To be honest fee77 I think it depends on the vicar and how welcoming the church is.
I recently got my daughter christened in c of e which I was happy with because I was brought up with the same however my dp is agnostic (totally against religion) which is the main reason that it took so long to get it done (It took me 20 months to pursuade him!) However the vicar was totally understanding with the situation and didn't mind that
1: dp didn't attend the service and
2. that the godparents wern't christened.
So when we eventually got round to it we had a lovely christening.

My friend who also wanted to get her child christened is a r.c (not practising) and when she went to the r.c church they were really unhelpful and said that she had to be a regular attendant at the church if she wanted to get her son christened.
My advice would be to go to both local churches and see which vicar will give you the service which you will be happy with.
Hope this helps,

Jules xox

Juliehafrancis, sounds like you have a wonderful dp.

Aloha, as an atheist, I agree with you, but if my grandparents (now all dead unfortunately) had asked me to christen my children because they feared that they would go to hell otherwise, I would have done it to please them. Since I don't believe in heaven or hell, it would have made no difference to me whether or not they were christened and if christening meant that my grandparents could die feeling at ease about the fate of my children then that alone would be worth the trouble. (luckily none of them were really that religious). I don't think realistically you can easily change the religious beliefs of the elderly and I think it's harmless to go along with it.
My nanny growing up was a devout catholic from Peru. She was forever praying to one saint or another on my behalf. I wouldn't have dared tell her not to. I just thanked her politely and brought her lots of religious nicnacs from around the world. Her son turned out to be gay and Hiv+ and she was absolutely devastated when she found out as she was sure that not only was he going to die soon, but he was going to hell when he did. He was the most loving devoted son ever (still alive actually) and always humored her religious fervor even though it was clearly condemning of him and his lifestyle.
Sorry, babbling a bit, but I think you'll probably have an easier time of it with the cofe, but go with Juliehafrancis' suggestion and try out both local vicars.

this thread may help you fee77

Thanks for all youe advice - i will try the local churches over the next few months.
Basically the christening is not for me or DH, or even DD, but i like to keep everyone happy. Seeing as i don't have strong beliefs for or against i will go along with it! I will keep you posted as to what happens!

I am CoE, DH is RC. DD had been baptised RC. I did not have to chance faiths at all, it was not an issue for us at all. We did not have to give reasons for our choice and our priest was lovely, and did a great service. We had 4 godparents, and only one had to be RC. We also did not have to attend church before or after either.

We actually got married abroad but did have a RC blessing on return. We did go to church for about a year before and for a little while afterwards. Now only go again at Christmas time - moved away from that hurch, and not generally religious people. Didn't go every week - once a month or so before blessing. Wasn't a requirement though. Did it as it did seem the right thing to do. Same priest baptised DD.

fee77 - CofE also now do an alternative to a christening which is a service of thanksgiving and welcome to the community for your child which is perfect for people who want to wait until baby is older for them to choose if they want to be baptised. Our babies' christenings were wonderful fun with family and good friends there, I saw it as a big celebration and a chance to say thank you and take part in a ritual passed down the generations, but we also did a tree planting for ds (will do one for dd too) with just dh, ds and me there to see it planted and a little plaque attached. That was lovely too.

Sorry, that was slightly off topic. I also meant to say that I was baptised RC but confirmed later CofE and when ds was christened there didn't seem to be any issue that one godparent was RC, one was Jewish (she omitted the "I turn to Christ" bit ) and so on. They just wanted one godparent at least to have been baptised.

wibur, I was just about to mention the service of thanksgiving, sounds as if it would be suitable for fee77's situation.

I am C of E, and, I have to admit, not as devout as I might be, but I do have a problem with the idea of "christening to keep the grandparents happy". Baptism is a public declaration by the parents and godparents to bring up the child as a Christian. I'm surprised that Juliehafrancis was able to use "godparents" who weren't baptised, as it is a requirement of the Church that they should be baptised and confirmed. The parents and godparents have to assert that they turn to christ, repent of their sins and renounce evil. they then state that they believe in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. If your godparents cannot honestly say these things then they should not be godparents.

Not trying to be unhelpful, and I'm sure that the attitudes of vicars to the "rules" varies (I was married in a Church to a divorced man ), but there is nothing wrong with ahving a service to welcome the child, and letting her make her own mind up about baptism when she is older. maybe the grandparents need to be brought up to date a little?

here is a leaflet that the C of E produces about baptism.

and her is some info. on how to go about a joint RC/ Anglican baptism!

Hi Tissy..

Just a quick note...the people who I chose to be godparents all believed in christ. It's just that they wern't christened. The vicar understood and accepted this.

Jules x

Sorry been away for the weekend. Tissy i understand you, but feel that at least i am being honest. I know plenty of couples who go to church before their wedding or christening and then never go back. And being a god parent doesn't seem that big a deal any more. I don't understand how i can bring my neice up as a christian, but then shirk responsibilities for my nephew who is not my god son - also they live miles away, so i have very little input in their lives. I on the other hand am going to chose close personal friends, who i know will regularly see DD, not family members just to keep the peace! (Family arguement there!)

fee7 - we chose close friends rather than family members. I fugured that one of the things we wanted to achieve with godparents was to enlargen DD's circle of caring adults. Family memebers already have their roles in her life - grandparents, uncle, aunties, etc. The friends we choose (at the time these were two couple) who seemed to match what we wanted from our godparents.