Getting my baby christenned

[ames]

There is quite a lot of background in this so excuse the length. Although I dont attend church regularly having moved around so much, too busy etc I am desperate to get my 4.5 month dd christenned. I live in a new housing estate and consequently there is no local church. I rang the vicar at the C of E church in the parish where I was brought up (my mum & dad and MIL & FIL still live there), the church I was christenned and attend until about age 15. This church is about 5 mins away from us and I ould guess its the closest. However he point blank refused to christen her as we dont live in the parish. I am more than a little upset, this is the church and Sunday school she will(would've) attend when old enough. Apparantly she must be christenned at another church which is actually further from us. This church is in a particularly unpleasant area neither is it a church as such more an unused building that has been converted. Without trying to be snobby I wouldnt want to attend this church. Does anyone know if I have an alternative? I feel we have been shunned by the church simply for not being able to afford to live in an area. DH and I are really quite upset and dont know what to do for the best. There is also a Methodist church in the same parish which i have also attended on occasion (there have a lovely sunday school and are very child friendly) I'm slightly irnorant as to the difference as I understand it they are slightly more relaxed. Can someone fill me in, would it be worth asking if they would chisten her, my religous beliefs are quite strong although I'm not regular church goer ( i know what i believe and live by it) I have heard that you can have religious ceremonies at home ( i dont want just a naming ceremony) Any advice please. (I was married at a registry office because I had to much hassle trying to get married in churchbecause we were moving about so much at the time)

Hi, Ames, I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties, but don't take the vicar's refusal to christen your dd personally, it would have been unethical of him to do so. Churches like the one in your parish, in unnattractive areas and buildings, are often struggling, and special services such as weddings and christenings are vital to them to make them a part of the community, add to their spirituality and help out with funds. If everyone were free to go to any church, most would choose 'pretty' churches and so the ugly ones suffer and often close. I know that you have good reason for wanting your dd's christening in the church that you attended as a child, but my guess is that the vicar that you spoke to gets lots of such requests, and that he has an agreement with your parish vicar not to agree to do any christenings from your parish. If I were you, I'd go to one of the services at the church in your parish, you might be surprised. A church is made up of its people, not its buildings! (I live in a parish where the building seems to be more important than anything else- very fustrating!)

Alternatively, you can find out more about Methodism at www.methodist.org.uk. If you wanted your dd baptised in the Methodist church you and your dh would have to undertake a period of instruction. To find out more it'd probably be best to have a chat with your local minister.

There are independent 'vicars' who carry out baptisms anywhere. Although you will get the service tailored to your requirements, many are not officially recognised by the church, and so your dd will not be christened into any denomination. It depends how important this is to you. Some of these vicars advertise in the back of baby/parenting magazines.

Incidentally, you could also ask about having your marriage blessed. In our church a family had a combined marriage blessing/childrens' christenings, which was lovely.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

If you are really want your daughter baptised at that church then you will need to get on the church's electoral roll. There are only two ways of doing this, one is by virtue of your residence, the other is by attending regularly for six months at which point you will be eligible to go on the electoral roll at the next AGM of the PCC.

I am Methodist (having 'transferred' from C of E some years ago) & think you will find most Mehtodist ministers & churches much more relaxed about baptism - however, they will, of course, hope that you will become involved in the Church life

Thanks for your answers ionesmum you raise some good points about struggling churches (made me look at it from a different perspective) although I'm still undecided its not so much the church but it really is a horrible area and quite unaccessable I think I shall visit and then make up my mind. Also going to look furher in to Methodism thanks for your comments Lindy I think I'll ring the minister and see what he says i'd like to be involved within the church again I do find some a little unapproachable at times. Any other comments still gratefully received!!

Don't know much about this one but are your parents or in-laws allowed to "book" the christening on your behalf, afterall they live in the local area. A good friend of mine had the same problem with the choice of church for her marriage. Vicar refused cos she no longer lived in the local area despite regular attendance and parents still residing etc. She wrote to the ??? Bishop of the area and pleaded her case giving evidence of her loyalties and reasons of preference etc. She got her way and the date she wanted, so didn't have to delay at all.
Perhaps if you can possibly attend on a regular basis (6months sounds extreme to me) for a while he/she would reconsider. Good luck.
Personally speaking, considering the decline in church attendance, vicars should be grateful for anyone wanting to attend their church. My old vicar was an absolute sweetie and would never turn anyone away. He both christened and married me, and sadly would have christened my boys if he hadn't passed away,(aged 94).