Conscience bothering me......................please help

[Mopsy]

This might be a bit long-winded but you've given me such considerate advice on the boyfriend-marriage thread that I'd like to ask for your help with this too.

Last year I became friendly with a school mum (also a single parent) who had just moved to the area. She told me she had moved in order to do an IT degree so as to better her future and hopefully get a highly paid job.

I found her pleasant enough but have kept the friendship on a superficial - I quickly assessed her as being quite selfish and not a very responsible parent to her two dses (5 & 10), as she leaves them alone in the flat while she does the shopping (nearby, but even so!) and at weekends and school holidays does not take them out, they stay in the flat playing while she does college work. Sometimes I feel guilty because if I liked her/them more (children are v difficult and badly behaved) I could help out, but I don't feel I can.

On top of this, what has really bothered me is that she has told me that the reason she left her old town was to evade responsibility for paying off various debts she had built up: 2 credit cards, a bank loan, an unpaid gas bill and 2 store cards. Also she took the tv & video she had been renting. She changed her surname (and the boys) specifically so they would not find her.

I've felt really bad knowing this and wish she hadn't told me. What made it worse is that she was laughing when she told me, she really thinks she's done something clever. She has received several letters from her creditors at her new address (her old landlord passed them on) and returns them marked 'not known at this address'. She is convinced that they won't find her, and that if they did, she wouldn't go to prison because she is a single parent.

I just feel awful being party to someone getting away with behaviour I feel is very wrong - but is it any of my business? I have a strong sense of right and wrong, and feel I have a duty to do something - but what? And if she ends up getting arrested or whatever I think I might feel really awful.

What would you do - if anything? Please help.

thanks, Mopsy

Mopsy- I don't think it is any of your business, to be honest. Don't feel bad about this- your conscience should be concerned with your own actions not those of others, unless these impact on you in a meaningful way that you feel you cannot ignore. I would definitely leave this to her own conscience to deal with! If you are truly horrified at what she has done and don't like her then don't see her again.

I totally agree with Scrummymummy.

Mopsy

I had the same problem only with 2 close family members. My advice is to walk away from it and don't get involved.

She may run but in the end unless she leaves the country and hides in a jungle they will catch upto her eventually, they did with my family members and even to this day both of them are scared that the bailiffs will arrive one day with an old bill and that they won't be able to pay.

I agree with all the advice given so far, although I share your fustration. If you did contact anyone she'd probably just up-sticks again. Better just to end the association - tell her why if it makes you feel better- but don't feel bad yourself, there is nothing for you to blame yourself for. And I really don't believe that she will escape from this. She will always be looking over her shoulder and that's no life at all.

Leave well alone - stay out of it all and distance yourself. I know it is hard but these situations are best left.

Mopsy, have to agree with the popular conscensus here. Leave well alone !

Mopsy, I agree with everyone who has commented. I know how you feel about her laughing when she told you and that it is awful how people can get away with this sort of thing, but my advice would be to steer well clear. Cool the friendship and give her a wide berth, she doesn't sound like a very nice character and what she has told you may be just the tip of the iceberg.
A few months ago we had two young girls renting a flat that we own. One did a moonlight flit without paying the rent and the other was quite troublesome to shift. Eventually my husband went round to do the inventory etc when she was moving out and she had brought along her parents. Although the flat was filthy and a few things were missing/broken he ended up giving her some of her deposit purely because the parents started to get nasty. Subsequently we have re-directed loads of mail from mail order companies, rental companies just as you describe this woman did. I'm so glad my husband walked away, ok so we were about £200.00 down but what price safety especially when you have a family to consider.
Don't mean to frighten you or anything, just think very carefully about the outcome should you decide to "shop her".

Mopsy, if you are not directly involved in any way, I'd say, like the others, keep well out of it. I know it can be annoying and upsetting when you hear about feckless people getting away with this sort of thing, especially if one struggles to honour one's own financial commitments. As others have said, she will be caught in the end.
We had the bailiffs round once - for the previous owner of our current home, who skipped tax and any number of other debts when he failed to leave a forwarding address. Extremely distressing.

Absolutely don't do it. As everyone else has said, it is none of your business, just because she told you a confidence does not mean to say it is your responsibility to report her. And if you do report her, she could get sent to prison for a short time, have you thought what that could do to her kids. Anyway, if she blabs about this to you, a mere acquaintance, she is probably telling loads of other people too so sooner or later she will end up getting caught, especially if she does it again.

I am a firm believer in reaping what you sow. This lady's deeds will come back to her, so don't think she will get off scot free.

Thanks for your input folks - have decided to keep my family at a safe distance and not get involved any further. I understand from a solicitor friend that under the Theft Act she would be definitely face a prison sentence, up to a maximum of 5 years. However much I dislike what she's done, I cannot be the one who makes that happen.