ahhhhhhhhh- help-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[unicorn]

Is there a therapy section on MN?
I don't know where I should be.
OK- I have had too many... (blame the match)
But....my family and me are a a group of headcases.
Tonight I am very wobbly- (not just drink related) - I am very raw- too much to try and convey but I could do with some input.

what's wrong unicorn?

don't really know where to start.
me.
my family.
life.
.. too much I know...
specifics wil take forever- I need a psychotherapy
strand to myself i think.
basically reckon it is all down to low self esteem. (sorry if I am being er..complicated- fraid I am.. but we all are aren't we?)

Sorry you feel this way. Would it help to break the problem in little pieces and work one at a time? probably concentrate in yourself for a month or so, then deal with your family and after that your life may look brighter.

very good idea Chandra... I am having counselling at the moment...but these issues all overlap.
Basically my problems have arisen since having kids.
It all relates to how you were parented - if you have a fairly rubbish role model-well what do you do?

unicorn, if you had a rubbish role model you can do what you think is best and try to make up for the mistakes make by your parents.

i agree with jmg1, i know where things went wrong for me whilst growing up etc, and so i know im going to be trying my hardest not to be like that towards dd

believe me I am trying -jmg- but it is so easy to slip into those familiar patterns..
I Really want to be a diferent sort of mother to the one I had...but it is very hard to shake somethnig that is inbuilt.

Well... my mother was not raised by her mother, and when I was in my teens complaining about her "methods" she told me to forgive her but she didn't have a mother so she didn't know exactly what was the right thing to do. She didn't do it bad and even though there are things I wouldn't do like her I have learned that is possible to "neutralise" her influence by identifying what you didn't like of her as a mother and try to avoid it with your own children.

With time I have also learned that you can find your role models, if you have a friend, sister, neighbour etc, they may provide examples it's just a mather of keeping your eyes wide open and your mind busy analising how such styles of parenting may be of benefit to your relationship with your children. By the way, there's no such a thing as a perfect mother so, please, please, please don't be hard to yourself.

I think doing a good job of bringing up children is not going to be easy and nothing is guarenteed. There was not security or stability in my upbringing and I can not remember much about it.
I am sure you love your children and you are aware of problems re your own upbringing so that is probably better than you realise and it is now important that you try to build your self esteem.

thanks jmg1 and chandra.. both- very good advice.
My problems are down to me... and all really about feeling better about myself.
I have so many issue- I don't know which strand I should be on!!

unicorn, please dont feel bad about yourself, also I think the most important things for children are lots of love and stability.
Don't worry about where your thread is it doesn't really matter.

This may sound a bit simplistic but it may help to find also a model for yourself, dream about what kind of person you would like to be and why, that would give you a goal to pursue, then work towards it.

I should be taking this advice myself... I'm going through something similar myself

cheers jmg1.. but that's the problem really...
if you aren't sorted in yourself... then how can you expect to be able to sort out the kids?

At least I am honest enough to acknowledge that I have problems- but what does that really mean?

unicorn you are the most important person in the world for your kids. Who is really sorted? Everyone has their problems and everyone puts on an act and the fact that you are on here saying you have problems is much much better then denying you have problems. Be there for your kids and give them love they will be more stable for that and it will make you feel better. But these things are sublte and take time.

I am not very good at pretending/or lying...
so my dd (1) 5 years old- knows what a miserable cow I am.... I tell her how bored I get and how I don't like cleaning etc... I am definately not the sort of SAHM I thought or expected I would be.

How are you feeling today, unicorn?

You lasted 5 years as a SAHM????? Respect! I lasted 3 months.

Unicorn?

Feeling very hungover!
I get rather emotional (as you have gathered) when I have had a few...which is why it is best for me not to drink I think.
I am ok.. just trying to be an ok mother which I often feel I'm not.

unicorn I am a SAHM and I can understand where you are coming from. my family are a nightmare and I always swore I wouldnt become like my mum. But the longer I stay at home the more I am turning into my mother!!
Dont beat yourself up - we all have those "I am a bad mother" moments, as mothers we expect to be perfect. You are doing the best you can, dont put yourself down x

Unicorn, you ARE a good role model ? your daughter is learning that there are more important things in life than cleaning. So she won't have stereotyped expectations of her role as a woman; might end up with a man who enjoys cleaning! She may rebel and grow up to be the perfect housewife, of course... (and there's nothing wrong with that, she says hastily, but is probably good for little girls to learn that cleaning is boring and there are other more exciting things girls and women can do as well).