Getting married but don't want to invite anyone

[mamaaaaaaaa]

Family relationships in my family are strained but civil. From my side, they may think everything is ok. We're thinking of getting married without inviting them and inviting just friends instead. I dreamt last night that I confronted one of my siblings about the issues between us (usual family stuff but hurtful to me) since the only way I would happily invite them would be if the issues were resolved. But I'm not sure I want to open this can of worms, in some ways it would be easier not to invite them and to ignore the issues. Or I could invite them and ignore the fact that I'm still angry with my siblings and made mildly unhappy by my relationship with my mother. What would you do?

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If relationships are strained with your siblings would they expect to be invited? Do you live close to each other? Could you invite your mother without inviting them - say it's not an expensive do?

mam this is a dificault one as not inviteing them to your wedding could strain things even more than they already are but on the other hand its your day and you should only invite who you want
me and dp and talking of marridge and the problems like that because i get on with my mother and father ut detest my auntis and uncles they realy get to me every time i see them so i also spoke to my father and he told meto invite them but warn them one word out of place and there out maybe you could try that
and being worried about opening the can of worms maybe this is the best time because it will be a make or break kind of thing and then you dont have to make the choice because if it brings you together you invite them and if it breaks it then you wont want them there anyway and you will have a good reason aswell if asked
hth

First, before anything, don't forget this is your day and the most important thing is to have such a nice day to be able to keep lovely memories about it, it may be that this wedding becomes the oportunity to mend the relationship between you and your family, or it may strain it as well which is very common.

My wedding was a nightmare because MIL was horribly difficult to please and our relationship was never good since then. If I had to do everything again, I will plan the wedding, enjoy every single detail of the preparation which your closest friends (finding a dress, choosing the flowers etc.) and don't spill the beans to your family until everything is ready. But invite them, otherwise every time you see your photos, specially after some years when the problems are over, rather than remebering a happy day you may regret not letting them share your happiness. I have always have problems with my younger sister (gross problems not the usual family things) but I decided to give her the bouquet rather to give it to one of my best friends because I thought that she was the most permanent thing in my life regardles of our problems, I will never forget her face when I did!, my mother could not stop crying .

By the way, I know a couple that organised a big party in a lovely place, once all the important people as there they raise their grasses and say, we just wanted to tell you that the reason of this celebration is that we got married this morning!

Dear God! I can not write any more!

By the way, I know a couple that organised a big party in a lovely place, once all the important people Was there they raise their gLAsses and said: "we just wanted to tell you that the reason of this celebration is that we got married this morning!"

I didn't invite my Dad or any of his side of the family to my wedding (or the kids christenings) for various reasons. We also had the wedding midweek, mid afternoon, so that only people who really cared would come. However, my problems with my Dad are long term - if he was upset I don't knoe and frankly don't really care. If you still have a relationship with your family, even if it's strained, not inviting them may make it far far worse.

Why not elope? Run away to some beautiful island paradise with DP and a few close friends as witnesses. That would be a legitamate way of not inviting family without causing offense.

Hope you manage to work something out.

Do you wish for things to worsen or improve with your family?

Not inviting them will probably put more worms in the can IMO and would place more strain on the family situation.

You say you have a mildy unhappy relationship with your mother - if it is only mild then surely it would not take much to heal this problem?? and cutting her out may create life long hurt.

Perhaps confronting your siblings and mother would create an arguement? Can the past be left and moved on from, or at least discussed as something unfortunate but can things change for the future... ??

What about your partner and his family, you did not mention about that?

thanks everyone. I can see that not inviting them might make matters worse. I suppose I want things to stay civil but I can't face trying to resolve the problems, hence the quandary. Tinker, my siblings and mother will expect to be invited. Chandra, perhaps I'd live to regret it if I don't invite them. Papillon, not sure what I want in the future. I can't stand my partners parents so it doens't matter if they don't come either.

Like the idea of the paradise island definitively a good idea!!!, we once thought of doing something like that for DS baptism (inDH country baptisism are as roblematic as weddings and we didn't wanted to get through that again), so we baptised him and decided not to say anything, most of the family thinks we have not baptised him yet, MIL is still offended about but putting in hte balance her current state and how anoyed we would had been if we have done the things as expected, I still think it was a very good decision!!!

Mamaaaaa you have to think very clearly about what will make you and dp happy. Then do it. Easy to say, I know, but this is your day and your relationship, that's got to come first.
Chandra's friend's wedding sounds an excellent compromise, would that work for you? Or do the wedding on the beach without telling them and throw a party on your return?

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. The main reason me an Dp have never married is because i would just find it too stressful having my divorced parents in the same room together.
Whilst i don't think anything would happen, i still know that i would spend the whole day fretting about it and not enjoy it one bit.

I think not inviting anyone is fine but if you still invite your friends it may cause trouble i suppose.

At the end of the day it is up to you, as it would be your day. Do what ever would make you happy.

Good Luck

Hi. I was in a similar situation as yourself. I don't really get on my my family really. My parents are fine, but siblings etc....no!!! ALos , I don't like my MIL....does anyone!!! Anyway, we had a church booked, a hall, etc. Then things were getting out of control, we were inviting people who did not like me and all people my MIL wanted to invite, anf this was all like 2 years before we were getting married, so one day my now hubby and I went to a travel agents and booked a wedding abroad for us....we brought along my parents and my MIL because they were the only people we wanted there(I would have personally left the MIL at home!!!)

We upset a lot of people but we got the wedding we wanted. We got married on a cruise ship in the carribean.....it was fabulous. I always think you should do what you want. We take other people's feelings into account far too much and a wedding is meant to be about the bride and groom.

Families, eh!!!!

We got married on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Not because we particularly didn't want to invite anybody but because it all seemed like too much hassle and I had never wanted a wedding anyway. It was great and we were already on our honeymoon once we were married.

Mamaa the important thing to remember is that it is YOUR day (you and DH-to-be), nobody elses so whatever you want to do they either like it or stick it!

DH and I got married in Braemar in the Highlands, where he had proposed to me. The only ones present were my parents and a couple of friends. The night before was when we had our celebratory dinner and to be honest, given the choice, I would do it that way again. My best friend got married in Mexico having seen how happy I made my day, the honeymoon to us was the fun part and not just because of the obvious!

My family, on both sides, are not worth it - none of them particularly like me so why spend all that money on giving them a party? That sounds incredibly mean but true! DH's family had the choice of coming but couldn't be bothered as they didn't realise we would be having a special dinner the night before - no party no show, we didn't miss them. My cousin got married a year later with the whole meringue and all, my aunt took great pleasure in announcing, in front of me that no way would her daughter have a "pauper's wedding." For once I didn't bother retaliating. I knew I had not spent my wedding day rushing about catering for everyone else's needs.

Another very good friend married two years ago and I watched her almost cry as her family made her day hell, going so far as saying what she had chosen for the meal wasn't good enough and they wanted steaks! Her DH told them where to go but honestly, she had done her best and the meal was lovely, still her family won in that they hurt her.

So you see Mamaa, please no one but yourself, that way at least the two of you have a great day you will remember and not one you will look back on with horror.

Our plan was to only invited people we liked and saw frequently - and that applied to family as well, so no aunts, uncles, cousins, step-brothers etc and I originally planned that to include my Brother and my Step-sister - but as the day approached I got soppy and invited them - thankfully they had the sense and good grace not to come anyway (it helped that the wedding was somewhere where they would have had to stay overnight and probably didn't want to spend the money!) Maybe your relos would have the same reaction?

We got married in the Caribbean fot pretty much the same reason as Stripey - too much hassle organising it here

Had a fab time and have never regretted not doing the traditional thing