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Original poster

MIL's engagement ring

21 replies

nailpolish · 07/02/2007 12:46

MIL died a couple of years ago when i was 40 wks pg with dd2

dd1 was just 2 at the time, MIL also had a grandson and she told FIL just before she died she wanted him to keep her beautiful engagement ring for dd1, her only grand-daughter (at the time)

i went on the next week to have another dd

anyway

FIL bangs on about this engagement ring that he is keeping for dd1

it makes me angry/upset because i think its unfair on dd2

ive told FIL to keep the ring safe for when dd1 is older

what am i going to do when the girls are older?

what do you think?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 07/02/2007 12:48

How many stones are in it, if there is more than one, get them reset into two smaller settings. If there is just one, sell it and give them the money.

Chandra · 07/02/2007 12:49

I think your FIL would have misplaced the ring and totally forgot it ever existed by the time your DD is old enough to get it.

So no worries

Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 12:49

D'you know, i cant remember what it looks like

im sure it has more than one stone though, thanks for that suggestion

OP posts:
Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 12:50

but Chandra what will i do with it? get it reset into 2 rings?

i dotn think dh would mind...

OP posts:
Chandra · 07/02/2007 12:50

I was about to suggest the same Carmenere, although I would buy them 2 rings rather than giving them the money

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 07/02/2007 12:52

I would let her have it. your mil wanted her eldest granddaughter to have her engagement ring, it's a tradition that I've heard of in many families tbh. Your dd1 had a bit of time with her gran, your dd2 didn't. Your mil never got to know her, she gave the ring to the granddaughter that she knew and cherrished, it's not a rejection of your dd2 as she was never there during your mil's time iyswim. I think to not allow dd1 to have it would be disrespectful of one of your mil's final wishes.

chopchopbusybusy · 07/02/2007 12:53

But surely this is really about the sentimental value of the ring rather than the monetary value. No - I wouldn't sell it. I think it should go to the eldest daughter.

Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 12:54

hmmmmm yes i kind of agree wannaBe

uch its daft worrying about it just now i suppose - itll be another 12 yrs or so til i have to really think about it properly

i just wish FIL would not mention it iyswim

OP posts:
Chandra · 07/02/2007 12:54

actually, a good jeweller /designer may even use the same gold and stones to create 2 smaller rings

I was thinking of having my engagement ring re done this way, it has a diamond inserted in the gold but with all the knocks and bad life it gets the stone is becoming a bit loose, a problem I doubt could be corrected unless the gold setting is done again by "melting" the gold.

Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 12:54

omg i would never sell it

it has more than one stone im sure

OP posts:
LizP · 07/02/2007 12:54

Why does it have to be a problem - follow her wishes and give it to dd1. This was the only granddaughter she knew - did she leave something equivalent to the grandson ? They won't go through life always getting the same.

belgo · 07/02/2007 12:55

keep it for your eldest dd, and let your other dd inherit something else, one of your rings perhaps.

WanderingTrolley · 07/02/2007 12:56

Agree with Belfo.

WigWamBam · 07/02/2007 12:56

I was given both of my grandmother's engagement rings as I was the first grandaughter on both sides. Eventually there were other grandaughters - ten in total - and none of them has ever questioned the fact I have both rings.

Can your other daughter have something else that belonged to your MIL - another piece of jewellery or an ornament or something? Or can you buy her a little piece of jewellery yourself and tell her that it was from her grandmother, or that it's something special that her grandmother would have liked her to have if she'd been alive to choose it?

WanderingTrolley · 07/02/2007 12:57

Whose name is actually belgo.

Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 13:08

yes thats a nice idea WWB

i have 2 pairs of MILs earrings

and they do have another grandmother i suppose

i just wish FIL would stop harping on about it

OP posts:
hermykne · 07/02/2007 13:12

oh honestly i wouldnt worry about something like that, she only knew her 1st gd. and by the time you let her know there is something special for her, then you might also be able to have something special for your 2nd dd - your own ring?
i was 1 of 2 girls and dont have any hangups on what my sis got or her me.
youre only making a comparasion thing between them. when they are old enough to understand, granny only meet one of them i dont htink you'll have a problem.

Original poster
nailpolish · 07/02/2007 13:18

thanks, am slightly reassured now

OP posts:
slug · 07/02/2007 13:18

My mother inherited an antique coral necklace from her grandmother. She had it reset into earrings for all her daughters (all 7 of us) Mum went to a jewellers and had 7 pairs of earrings made, all different. We each got a different pair, some of us have since remodelled them, but they're still known as great grandma's earrings.

dassie · 07/02/2007 13:25

The ring was left to dd1 so it is hers. it would be unfair to split it. Also, by separating the stones you are destroying the ring which may not have been MIL's intention (she perhaps wanted it to stay as her engagement ring, not 2 separate pieces.

I am 5 years younger than my sister so she has alot of heirlooms from gp's I don't remember/met. It never bothered me as a) there wasn't alot and b) when the gp's I did know died my parents made sure we had a keepsake.

dassie · 07/02/2007 13:26

notice I contradicted myself - when I say she had alot I meant alot more, but in reality that was only one or two pieces.

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