two or three?

[hatter]

I know no-one can give me an answer but I'd love to hear everyone's views. I have two lovely dds aged 4 and 2. Half of me feels like I'm putting my life back together after a four year gap. I'm thinking of a couple of things career wise that I could do - possibly going back to study in 18 months or so when both are at school/nursery. I adored my maternity leave first time round, (to my own suprise), found it tough second time round - the whole breatsfeeding whilst entertaining a two year old thing kind of got me down. I know the logical thing is to stick at 2. But I'm just not sure. I can't look at a baby without going weak-kneed. I feel I kind of missed out on dd2's baby-hood cos I was so busy running round after dd1 and I wonder with a slightly bigger gap could I really enjoy a third? I feel really sad at the thought of no more babies til I'm a granny. How hard is number three? Does the middle child get totally put out? Do you ever get a break when you;ve got trhee? Any thoughts welcome...

Can offer no advice Hatter cos I'm having the same thoughts at the moment! I have a DS who is three tomorrow and a 7 month old DD. I found DS really hard work (but lovely now) but DD has been a real joy. I have loved having the two of them when I was expecting it to be really hard. I can't bear the though of not having another baby to hold. But do I want three teenagers?! I think my problem is that I love being pregnant and I love the newborn thing (apart from the lack of sleep) but if that is the case will even three be enough?

Hatter, do you want another baby or do you want another child? I mean, is it the snuggly tiny baby stuff you miss? Nothing wrong with that in itself but would you look forward to when they are 10, 8 and 5, or even 18, 16 and 13?
From the kid's point of view, I'm one of three and really glad I've got two sisters. My youngest sister is 14 years younger so I really noticed the difference when she came along. And it's great ? even better than having one sister. But I'm the eldest. Although my middle sister adores our youngest sister, I think it was very tough for her being displaced (although of course your dds are much younger so may be easier; harder on you though, I suspect).
I'd love to have three but am having a hard enough time trying to persuade dh to think about one more baby, let alone two!

Hi Hatter. I've got three, and I would definitely recommend it. Mine go ds1 (5.6), dd (3.5) and ds2 (16 mos). They're all lovely together. In some ways, the boys get more attention because ds1 is more vocal in terms of language but ds2 is more vocal in terms of noise. I am sensitive to the fact that dd is in the middle and try to make special time for her. on the plus side, she is very close to both because she can either play up a bit to ds1's level or down to ds2. Ds2 particularly adores her. It's busy, having three, there's no denying it, but it's fun, and the three-way relationships work more satisfyingly than the two-way on their own every did.

And I'd say don't have the gap too big: you might have more time for the youngest but I think it might be harder for the older ones to establish a good relationship with the baby if they're too busy outside the home during the day. Go fot it!

Sorry, go FOR it! (I've been drinking...)

It seems you're in a place where I was just over a year ago. Very happy with ds1 and dd and just got out of buying nappies. Just at the getting our lives back stage, but couldn't quite bear to 'close the factory down' (so to speak). I just couldn't shake that 'do I want another one?' feeing, and so ds2 was born in Jan and he's just wonderful (despite having more problems with him re feeding/colic/sleeping than the other two put together). I'm more tired than I've ever been in my life. Dd's nose was put a little out of joint, but no more than ds1's was when she was born. She's fine now. BUT, We're just soooooo glad we had him. It's almost like having no1 again (3.5yr gap). He's just a joy to have and such a wee treasure. His brother and sister both adore him and can't get enough of him. And it's getting better every day (he's sleeping better, so we're getting better sleep). I expect that feeling won't leave you (and though you must do what is best for your family), you may well decide to have another one. I just want to say that despite the obviously hard work no3 means for us, we don't regret making that decision for one second. Every day brings new challenges and new joys and rewards. That gorgeous smile makes up for all the tiredness etc that comes with having a new baby in the house. Yup - we made the right choice. Three is lovely.

ps ds1 is 6 and dd is nearly 4. ds2 is now 21wks.

From the childs point of view, I only had one sister and always wanted another, or a brother, and always thought three was perfect.

However, I've got three, ds1 age 3y 7m, dd age 1y 8m and ds2 age nearly 6m and it's very tiring.

At first it was no harder than having too small ones, but now it's exhausting (though going through a particularly bad spell with both ds1 and dd at the moment).

Be prepared for "are they all yours?" and 'that look' whenever you go out.

Though saying all that, I don't regret it one bit and it's exciting watching the relationships forming between the three of them, so I'd say go for it.

Oh dear. I think I wanted to hear someone tell be not to be so silly and to be happy with my lot...I've got so many doubts about a third and I just think it's not something you can do with doubts but I don;t know if they're real doubts (and I had my doubts anyway (before she was born) about DD1, if I'm honest. I think I do want a baby, rather than a child for one. I just adore babies. I do worry about DD2: I think if I'd had a girl and a boy I'd be less worried because each baby would have a special status: first born; first girl/boy; youngest iyswim. I have a lot of hankerings for more freedom - especially job-wise, I'm in a line of work that potentially involves a lot of travel, and I've cut it right down and I would like to build it up again, when the girls are a bit older. Both me and dh are one of three : but he's the eldest and the only boy and I was the youngest and the only girl. DH's middle sister says three is crap...which is really worrying. But, if I'm honest I think she felt left out because DH and his youngest sis were like two peas in a pod who just thought the same way about everything. There's this general feeling that a stage in my life - a particularly enjoyable one, even if it was bloody hard work, is drawing to a close, and that feels very sad and a bit scarey. And it makes me feel old, which is daft coz I'm not an old mum. My other consideration is my own health - I have ms and whilst I'm fine now it could get worse. Thre's no guarantees at all where I'll be in 5 years time. Anyone else gone for three? Stuck at two? Do you think you made the right decision?

From experience that 'weak kneed' reaction doesn't go away until No.3( or whatever number you want, I expect) is born.

I was DESPARATE for another baby after DS2, and I really mean desparate almost to the point of obsession. It was all I thought about 24 hours a day.
DS3 is nearly 9 months now and I'm blissfully happy with my 3 boys BUT I do find it hard work (plus have got PND this time).

DS1 was 4y5m and DS2 was 2y3m when DS3 was born so for me this is the answer for it being hard work. By the time DS3 is out of nappies I would have had over 7(constant) years of them so maybe a larger age age is the answer for an easier life and not just nappies. Of course I wouldn't change any of it for all the money you could throw at me........I just think of the furture when all 3 boys will only be interested in Daddy(Climbing trees, football, DIY etc etc) and I get peace and quiet while he entertains them. 5yr old DS1 would much rather be in the shed building whatever with DH already.

But on the ther hand, I know my heart will always want another baby, and another after that but my head says 'No way' and I OK with that now, whereas before I had DS3 the thought of never having another baby would reduce me to tears.

Waffled on rather alot there but couldn't stop once I started....sorry.

My mum had 3 and she always said Dont! When they are old enough for sleepovers you may get rid of 1 for the night but that still leaves 2 to argue etc, whereas if you only have 2 your left with just 1 which is bliss in comparion. I have 2 dds and have no desire to have anymore, nothing to do with what my mum said, just my poor brain couldnt cope with any more things to remember or organise. Its up to you though of couse, some people have 10 dont they!

Just to add a slightly different POV.

I've got two dd's, and both dh and I have been thinking, on and off, about having a 3rd. From dh's pov, it's about having another child, not a baby (and even the thought of a 3rd girl hasn't put him off!). From my pov, I came to the conclusion that it was more about being pregnant (which I loved) and having a baby. But like you hatter, things are taking off for me careerwise and I feel my focus is moving slightly.

I think it is difficult to accept that there comes a point when you have to "close the factory down" (lovely phrase, Aero!), especially when it seems not to have been open that long! But for me, sticking at two is definitely the right decision, my head tells me so, even though my heart sometimes goes "awwwww...." (insert best whiny child voice here!)

Hatter, I reckon I'll stick at two myself. But then I only got into this baby lark at an advanced age - if I were five years younger I'd give it a break and then have another. Quite honestly, I don't think we could afford another.

Yes, definitely no more, yes really, I mean honestly, I mean I never EVER look at my gorgeous baby and think more, oh no not me

three htree is the best ( chant after me)

I have 2, got pregnant with third by mistake (feeling very much like you hatter) and to be honest for the first time ever in a pregnancy have very mixed feelings. DS1 (5 but non verbal autistic) is very hard work at the moment- hardest he's ever been and DS2 is a normal wonderful (but completely insane) 2 year old. Assuming the third is fine then I think it will be lovely for ds2 to have a "normal" sibling, and I think it will be good for ds1 to have 2 siblings as he grows up. However for the first time ever I am quite worried about the effect on the family if this one turns out to have problems. I know so many people with 2 out of 3 autistic kids and I cannot see how I could cope with another (or another complex disability come to that). Although I suppose I would as I wouldn't have any choice.

Probably I'm miss negative because of our family circumstances but I think its worth remembering that you get what you are given and sometimes it might be more than you have bargained for- so you need to be accepting of that (which is probably my problem this time round- I'm not very accepting of that).

Not saying don't have a third, as I know that having this third will get rid of my broodiness just saying if it's a nice snuggly fairy tale that your after then remember that might not happen. (But to be honest I think anyone deciding to have kids should remember that!).

Anyway this time we're hoping for a precocious girl who talks perfectly by 12 months, doesn't need speech therapy (now that would be a novelty in this house) and sits neatly colouring in. I suspect we'll get another lunatic

Well i have 3 and would really love a 4th but, it would cause loads of probs, pregnancy wise, birth wise and basically in everyway possible (car wise too ).

At the mo i am managing to stop myself from even comsidering it, but i know the feeling isn't going to go away, and i usually manage to convince myself that i'm having no more, until i see a baby .

Honestly though i change my mind about it at least 5 times a day. It's giving me a bloody headache .