Am I right to be angry at my dieting friend?

[paulaplumpbottom]

over the summer a very close friend of mine had mentioned that every year on her birthday her grandmother had made her afternoon tea with all the trimmings and commented on how much missed doing it. Yesterday was her birthday so I was up at dawn making cakes, sandwiches, loaves and tarts from scratch. I got out all my best china and laid out my coffee table. It looked perfection and I was pleased with my hard work and thought she would be really suprised. When she got here she looked at it and said that she was on a diet and didn't touch a bite. She didn't even take a cup of tea. I am really angry and my feelings are hurt. Am I over reacting?

What nice things to say. Thank you.
We have scheduled a pedi together tommorow. Should I say something or just keep it to myself.

What nice things to say. Thank you.
We have scheduled a pedi together tommorow. Should I say something or just keep it to myself.

if you can say something, i would. she needs to know she hurt your feelings as a) if you bottle it up it won't go away and b) she needs to not do it again! she may not realise how she came across and it would be good for her to know.

What a lovely friend you are..

lol!..she doesn't deserve you...i love cakes...can i be your friend instead? ....i can do appreciation big time

Seriously though i am very cross on your behalf...i am on WW diet atm...but i would so have done your lovely tea justice...christ...you just jump back on the diet the next day.

Are you going to tell her she has hurt your feelings?...i usually shy from such things...but i might on this sort of occasion where i had really pushed the boat out.

I'd just say it was such a shame she couldn't enjoy the tea and not make any digs about how hard you worked - after all, it wasn't like she asked you to do all that and then turned it down.

I know I'm a bit of a lone voice on this thread, and I admit I would have made an effort when your friend didn't, but I think it's a bit harsh to slam her for not falling down gushing with praise over something she may not have wanted anyway.

Aw you're lovely!! I'd have been blubbing if anyone had done that for me

I would say you & your family enjoyed her cakes & what a shame she hadn't tried them.

Just a thought... maybe she is a fussy eater? Like different bread to what you had made the sandwiches from, & perhaps she doesn't like cakes???? strange woman if so

I think she could have had a cuppa at least. If she had been trying to lose loads of weight and really needed to I could understand her not wanting to eat a plateful of cakes.

However I think that some thanks and an apology for not doing all your efforts justice!

My birthday tomorrow and I'll be lucky to get a cakes at all although my mum was dropping hints.....

Mrsbadger I wasn't looking for praise. You are right she didn't ask me to do it. I wanted to suprise her. Maybe I should have let her know.

I don't know Troupout. I love her very much and I wouldn't want there to be bad feeling between us. I am not usually one to say anything. I do feel a bit put out by it. Thats why I posted to get some advice on how to handle it and to make sure it wasn't me who was in the wrong.

even if she didn;t gush with praise, would it have killed her to have a cup of tea and say thank you????

paula.......i hope this doesn;t put you off doing lovely kind things for people x

Not read all of thread, but no, I don't think you're over-reacting at all. That's spectacularly rude and ill-mannered of your friend.

someone doesn't need to show appreciation and gratitude just because they didn't ask for it to be done

No, but you see what I mean - if I thought I was dropping round casually to see a friend after lunch and they'd made and laid out a full-on old-school afternoon tea as a complete surprise I'd be politely appreciative, a bit nonplussed, possibly very embarrassed and could conceivably see myself wanting to leg it as soon as possible.

But then I hate surprises like this - maybe she does too?

Yes, she was rude.
BUT, having said that, the boys and I were once invited to an elderly lady's for what turned out to be a huge tea. I was only expecting a cup of tea and couldn't eat a thing, having been eating cream cakes all afternoon at someone's leaving-do. I can't believe it, but I was far too embarrassed to explain myself. I picked at it which was probably ruder than not touching it at all. The boys ate very little either. Obviously I should have said something but for some reason the whole situation was just so unfortunate I just couldn't say a thing. Still feel dreadful.

Sobernow she is over at my house loads so it was out of the norm. I didn't mention anything about her Granma because I felt awkward when she retreated to my dining room and it became apparent she wasn't going to be eating. I probably would have said had she accepted it.

Mrsbadger maybe you are right about suprises although I haven't seen her act that way before.

Most people on diets can't stop talking about it, I'd be skeptical of it as an excuse if that was the first you'd heard about it.