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Original poster

Do you cry at funerals?

40 replies

BettySpaghetti · 04/02/2007 19:18

My Gran died last week and its her funeral this week.

I have only been to 3 other funerals as an adult -2 of those were for my other Grandparents and one was my friends Dad .

I always cry, even at my friend's dads funeral and TBH I didn't really know him. (I think I was probably crying for my friend who had taken it all really badly).

Anyway it occured to me that some people don't cry at funerals, even those you might "expect" to (close relatives/friends). Are they just good at holding in their emotions? Do they switch off and think of something happy to avoid crying? Do they have "beliefs" that help them through?

BTW I don't have a problem with the fact I'll cry or with anyone else crying/not crying. It was just something that was going through my mind at 4am when I couldn't sleep.

OP posts:
deaconblue · 04/02/2007 20:51

always, even ones on telly

winestein · 04/02/2007 21:38

Expat, I really like that.
I had a very few tears at my dad's funeral. Partly (I think) as I was up to read one of the pieces for the service and I would be niether use nor ornament as a snivelling wreck, but a big thing that I always said to my mum as we were watching him die was that he needed to die (due to cancer - aged 73) and my mum knew it in her heart so we were both able to tell him to let go.
Shit. So now I cry...

cat64 · 04/02/2007 22:22

This reply has been deleted

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Tommy · 04/02/2007 22:33

I think you're right cat - I went to my friend's dad's funeral a year to the day after my god daughter died and I did howl (fortunately at the end when everyone else had gone) and people were so kind to me asking "Did you know him well?" - felt really embarrassed as I'd only met him twice but was there to support my friend.

I've often cried thinking about her at different times although I tried not to at her funeral as DH was in such a state I thought I'd better try and hold it together for him.

paulaplumpbottom · 04/02/2007 22:40

I do cry at funerals. If not out my own grief I think i cry for those who are grieving. I was at a funeral last week for one of my DH's army buddies that I had never met. Hearing everyones kind words and seeing his wifes pain made me cry. I know that sounds really silly but I can't help it.

OrmIrian · 05/02/2007 13:06

I cry. At anyone's. I can't help it. It's the finality of it. The simple idea that no-one is going to see that person ever again. It's such a terrible feeling. I don't see how you can rationalise it - just because someone is old it doesn't mean they won't be missed and it's still the end of something. Bawled my eyes out at my gran's funeral and at DH's grandfather. I loved them and I was going to miss them.

MrsBadger · 05/02/2007 13:12

I'm a teeth-gritter and gulper.

It's the Welsh hymns that get me every time - not even the especially sad ones, the final vese of Cwm Rhondda does it every time.

Rhubarb · 05/02/2007 13:16

I was just sat here thinking, 'who would ask a question like that?' but now I've read the OP I understand a little better.

Not that I particularly want to divulge my answer. Don't know why, I would just feel uncomfortable answering that - funny isn't it? I guess it's a very private thing.

nutcracker · 05/02/2007 13:19

I cried rather uncontrolably at my nans funeral but I think the fact that I had never even been to a funeral before didn't help, I was so scared, not sure what of.

Didn't cry at all and my grandads funeral, but then I hardely knew the bloke.

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 05/02/2007 13:43

I've never cried at a funeral, but I've been to very few, and all of them were where the death had actually come as somewhat of a release - my gran who had essentially given up the will to live, and who was well into her 80s, my dh's grandad who had died after having a ruptured annurism and who it was discovered at the post mortom had terminal cancer but didn't know about it so would have died a very long and agonising death had the annurism not taken him first, and my assistant at work who died of cjd, and whose last two years of life were horrible, she went from being a lovely, bubbly, full of life person and faded away to nothing, unable to look after herself, unable to recognize those close to her, for her death was a definite release. and her funeral was lovely, very positive, and very uplifting.

I think I could probably hold it together in most situations though, as long as I didn't have to speak, or as long as someone didn't hug me. Then I'd probably lose it.

shonaspurtle · 05/02/2007 14:08

Not always. Sometimes I feel beyond tears if that doesn't sound daft. It's not that I'm less upset or sad than someone who is crying buckets, I just react differently.

I'm going to s very sad funeral on Wednesday (sorry, I know all funerals are sad). It's for my friends' 4 month old son and I'm really dreading it.

That sounds so selfish. They'll be beyond noticing anyone else but I keep rehearsing in my mind what I'm going to say to them. I know I have to acknowledge their loss and grief by being there for them. The depth of their suffering is beyond my comprehension.

Original poster
BettySpaghetti · 05/02/2007 14:27

shona -that is so .

Rhubarb - I did wonder if it was an odd thing to ask but, as you read in my OP, it all stemmed from my Grans funeral and the fact I've experienced very few funerals.

By by the end of this week I would have been to 3 in the last 18months and only 1 prior to that (15 yrs ago).

OP posts:
Tortington · 05/02/2007 14:28

sorry about your gran.
in answer to your OP it rather depends who is dead.

aDad · 05/02/2007 14:28

without fail.

aDad · 05/02/2007 14:29

And I'm sorry about your gran too

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