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Original poster

I'm trying so hard, but just can't accept this

12 replies

cantacceptit · 10/06/2004 21:17

Not having another baby i mean.

I have 3 but want another. I have told myself over and over again that it's a bad idea and i should just be grateful for what i have but it never lasts more than a couple of hours and then i just feel so sad and empty at the thought of never having another baby.

It goes over and over in my head all the time but i'm getting no where fast.
I mean what if i don't have another and the n regret it.

OP posts:
jampot · 10/06/2004 21:19

What does your dp/dh think cantacceptit, does he want another? What are the reasons for not having one?

Original poster
cantacceptit · 10/06/2004 21:23

Dp is fine about having another.

Don't really want to give myself away by saying to much, but i had a difficult last pregnancy and would definatly have probs again.

Family wouldn't be pleased either.

OP posts:
zaphod · 10/06/2004 22:36

I felt the same as you, and I know that everyone thought I was crazy for wanting another, in the end it took me 4 years to conceive, but I have my fourth, and we are all delighted to have him. Then as a bonus we found we were expecting no. 5, and we are all delighted to have him too. I say go for it, if your dp is OK with it, who cares what anyone else thinks.

baldrick · 10/06/2004 22:48

cantacceptit, you say you'll definetely have problems if you conceive again, is this 100% definite, sorry but have to ask? and if you mean your family and his family wont accept it then who's life is it? What you and your dh choose to do is up to you and if you really want another child and it is meant to be then go for it....btw if having a child would mean putting your or your child's life in danger then all I would say is think carefully, but then I don't know your circumstances...but if it wouldn't then it's in God's hands....hope you reach an amicable decision soon...baldrickxxx

Easy · 10/06/2004 22:58

Look honey, I'm disabled, and when dh and I decided to try for a baby we didn't tell anyone, cos we knew my parents would be horrified, and the medical profession (having no idea what my disability is) would be scathing to say the least. We felt it was OUR decision, and carried on. When I became pregnant I was shocked (didn't know if I really could) but pleased. after 12 weeks we told my parents, who were just silent and tight lipped. The medics all just got on with it, altho' you could see that they thought 'disabled people don't have babies'.

What I'm rambling at is if you and and your dp want another baby then what your family think is irrelevant. The only thing that occurs to me, is would it endanger your life? You have 3 children who need their mother. Don't risk your life for a fourth. But if you feel you could come thru it, and another baby is that important to you, then the choice is for you and dp to make.

Original poster
cantacceptit · 11/06/2004 20:52

Thanks for all the replies

When i say the pregnancy would be difficult, what i mean is that there could be a problem with the baby and antibodies. I had them with Ds and he was almost completly unaffected (jaundiced and then anemiac for a while after birth), but they have said that it could be alot worse next time.
As far as i know there is no risk to my health but if the baby were affected in the womb i may have to have a transfusion through the womb in to the baby, which carries a high risk of miscarriage/prem labour. There would also be a high chance of me having to have the baby early.
They cannot say if this would definatly happen, and i do think that they were giving me the worse case senario but i just don't knoe really.

I know it's nothing to do with my family really but i hate to do anything to upset anyone.

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 11/06/2004 21:00

Cantaccept it, do you feel that you fully understand the medical information as to risks of having another baby - maybe if you could get your GP to refer you to some form of specialist obstretician to discuss the matter in more detail this would help you make up your mind one way or the other. Is the antibody problem caused by the combination of yours and dhs blood - if so, would you ever consider donor insemination with a donor who was compatible with you? (Hope you don't think I am being out of order suggesting this!).

mum28 · 11/06/2004 21:04

I know where your coming from cantacceptit.I have one lovely dd but would love to have another.The fact is i was very ill a week after having dd.I had to stay in our local mental health unit for nearly three months after suffering from puerperal psychosis.This makes you think people want to kill you and baby etc.So i could get this again if i have another baby.I have had to accept this fact but it still doesn't make these feelings of having another go away.

wellsie · 11/06/2004 21:28

Cantacceptit, do you have a negative blood and DP have positive blood? This happened to me and only realised when I was 16wks pregnant. Had to have AntiD injections 2 during pregnancy and then one afterwards as DS was positive blood. DS was absolutely fine and so was I but that was because of injections. Have been told that IF I have another they would just follow the same procedure, there is a greater risk with the 2nd child but as long as you have the injections you should be ok. Sorry if this is not applicable to you and I've just waffled on providing you with lots of useless info but thought it might help.

Cavy · 11/06/2004 21:38

I'm not saying you should feel this way...... but as someone who badgered DH into a 3rd baby, I almost regret it. Just because the pregnancy has been so awful. I'm the centre of the family and me falling apart had terrible knock-on effects on everyone else -- ok, nothing really awful happened, but I haven't coped well and have often been miserable. The 3rd pregnancy itself has been much harder than the previous pregnancies... I don't think I would have wanted a 3rd baby if I had known it would be like this.

So although I have always thought I wanted 3 children, now I think even if something happens and I lose this baby, I doubt I would want to try again. Wouldn't want to risk putting me or the rest of the family through it again.

I guess what I'm saying is that having a 3rd child might not be what you hope/think it will be... and that's leaving aside the extra health risks you know that you would have to face.

Cavy · 11/06/2004 21:40

Oops, I meant having a 4th child, in your case, Cantacceptit!

LubieLoo · 24/06/2004 21:12

mum28 - I also has puerperal pychosis with my dd, am fine now but always intended to have more than one child. What sort of advice have you had about whether or not you would suffer again?

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