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Original poster

Is it a nightmare to have a small wedding?

18 replies

canella · 03/02/2007 12:15

We've been together 9 years and have got 3 kids and we want to get married without the big hullabaloo that comes with it. we've both only got small families - i'm also quite shy and a big wedding would freak me out - but how does it work? has anyone out there managed to just have family and really good friends whithout offfending the rest of your friends? we've found a place that holds weddings for just 30 people - ideal we think but will i lose some friendships over it??

OP posts:

GhostOfMumsnet · 03/02/2007 12:16

We had a small wedding. 20 family guests and no reception. I loved it and family said it was the most relaxed wedding they'd been to.

Tommy · 03/02/2007 12:25

if they are real friends, then then won't go off in a huff because you didn't invite them.

You could always have a party for your friends a bit later on.

It's your wedding - do it how you like

amidaiwish · 03/02/2007 12:35

i think having a very small wedding is easier than having say a mid size wedding.
You can just say you are having a small family do with the children and leave it at that. The problems start when you invite some friends and not others imo so as long as you have very definite very close friends and not a wide circle where you have to choose/set up a hierarchy you should be ok!

Jbck · 03/02/2007 16:44

I wanted a very small do but DH wanted the whole works, trouble was his family is very small & mine enormous so it ended up a bit one sided. He had far stronger feelings on it than I but we compromised slightly & had 60 for the wedding/meal bit & about 200 at night. I had a fabulous tme but it was a lot of stress & you lose sight of why you're doing it etc , then you end up with nothing to talk about immediately afterwards because your whole life has been planning this thing for months. We only planned & booked for 6 months I dread to think how these people who book 2 years ahead cope.
DH's friend otoh had around 20 in a really intimate setting & we spent ages over cocktails in the venue's piano bar then a lovely meal, very simple, nothing else. They got married fairly late around 4 & we were all still sitting chatting over coffees around midnight. It was very relaxed, they had a privated dining room in the place & the attenion from staff was great. I'd recommend it & would have been even keener on it myself, if they had been married before us.
Only downside - they're divorced & we're still together 11 years later but I'm sure that's a coincidence

Pixel · 03/02/2007 17:49

We had a small wedding, partly through lack of money but mostly because I couldn't face the stress of all the organisation and having to be the centre of attention all day. I wanted to enjoy marrying dh, not worry myself sick about it. Neither of us have a lot of family which made it easier because we just told everyone else it was family only at the service. We were running our own pub so we were able to put on a small buffet in the afternoon to which our friends and regulars were welcome but as it was a weekday it was very low-key. We hung around for a couple of hours chatting and took some photos in our lovely garden then disappeared off on our honeymoon (we could only manage a weekend). It was all very relaxed and the only thing I slightly regret is not having a proper wedding dress. It didn't bother me at the time but when my sister got married last year and had the full works I did feel a bit of a pang as she tried on all the dresses. I didn't envy her the rest of it though!

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2007 17:58

We had
me, dh, my ds, our dd
my sister, her dh, 2 children
my other sister and her dp
step sister, her dh, 3 children
my mum and her dd
my dh's mum and dad
my dh's brother and his dd
lovely friend #1, her dh, 2 children
lovely friend #2, her 3 children

so a total of 15 adults and 14 children. It was lovely. I sent Christmas cards to lots of people saying oh btw we got married, it was a VERY small wedding, sorry we didn't invite anyone.

CorrieDale · 03/02/2007 17:59

We had a tiny wedding. 15 people, including two children (one of whom my sister invited as 'company' for her son!!!!!) It was absolutely great - we could afford a really nice meal for the reception, then we went home for cake and champers. It didn't go on late, so we could have a nice early night and I expect in my twenties, I would have thought it was a bit dull and low-key. But then, in my twenties, I was more bothered about 'the day' than the marriage that would follow. Hence, DH being my second DH!

I think one of DH's friends was quite offended not to have been offended, but that was on the basis of 'you came to mine so why couldn't I come to yours'. He was the only one - everybody else understood and weren't a bit put out.

ArcticRoll · 03/02/2007 18:14

We had very small wedding-just our ds,my mother and dh's parents. Several reasons for this;dp and I had been together for over ten years and didn't feel need for public declaration, also I have a huge extended family and couldn't face inviting them all.

None of my friends were offended-I think they thought we were a bit odd!
I have attended several lavish OTT weddings which have resulted in hasty divorces.

I would stick to your guns and don't be swayed by others.

eemie · 03/02/2007 19:19

Tell anyone who asks that you're on a tight budget, they'll understand. Have a great time. My sister had 11 people including herself and her dh and it was one of the best weddings I've ever been to.

3rdTriMossTer · 03/02/2007 19:24

Canella we had a small wedding, about twenty people in the registry office, and more for the buffet after. We hired a small room in the downstairs of our local for the buffet / reception, and said to our other friends that they were more than welcome to come down to the pub afterwards if they wanted.

Priority for the wedding itself went to immediate family, and the friends who were travelling furthest, whereas friends / family who lived locally came to the buffet, or the pub. That way no one felt offended that they weren't a close enough friend to come to the wedding.

It was lovely!

foxtrot · 03/02/2007 19:37

Small wedding here, with immediate family only, numbering about 20, including DS1 & 2. It was lovely, we had a lovely register office do then to a posh hotel for afternoon tea. DH and I then went out for dinner together.
Friends understood that it was just family. We threw a big party when all 3 DC were christened, which seemed a much better reason for pushing the boat out, and had all our friends along with their children.

belgo · 03/02/2007 19:41

We had a small wedding, ten guests, only close family. We told everyone only close family. We got married in the very pretty town hall where we live in Belgium. We had a meal afterwards. My brother in law is an amateur photographer and took beautiful photos as a wedding present.

A very perfect day, and I don't think we offended anyone.

Like foxtrot, I've held bigger parties for Christenings.

Whatever you do, make sure it's what you want and have a lovely day.

2shoes · 03/02/2007 19:42

we just had close family and close friends. was lovely.

marymillington · 03/02/2007 19:46

We had 45 people - I'd have been even happier with half that but DH is a gregarious soul.

Small intimate weddings are much much nicer than inviting everyone you've ever met and their other halves IMO.

FioFio · 03/02/2007 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

canella · 04/02/2007 09:21

thanks for all those positive stories! i tried to reply last night but mumsnet wouldnt connect!!!
jbck-really like the idea your friends had of getting mariied later in the day then a really nice meal. just not sure what do to about inviting a few close friends - two of them live quite far from us and oneof them i've never met her partner despite them being together for about 4 years! Could i invite her but not him or is that a huge social faux pas??

OP posts:

Miaou · 04/02/2007 09:28

Just to put the upsetting people into perspective canella - dh and I had a massive wedding (I was in my early twenties and my parents insisted on the big affair,we were happy to go along with it) - we had 120 to the day do and another 50+ at night - but my grandfather wouldn't speak to my mother for three days because they didn't invite his cousin (he backed down a bit when he found out that dh's cousins weren't invited either!). We both have massive families.

I suppose what I am saying is that however many or few people you invite, there is always the possibility that someone along the way will get upset about not being invited. But it's your day - don't be afraid to do it your way!

Whizzz · 04/02/2007 09:46

We had a civil ceremony - friends could attend if they wanted but we then had a meal just for immediated family - followed by a bigger reception for all in the evening. I don't think anyone minded missing out on the meal to be honest.

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