Anyone know ANYTHING about nursing homes?

[UnquietDad]

I tried this on the Sandwich board (!) but I think people haven't quite got into that yet. So I thought I'd ask exactly the same question here instead.

DW and I are 200 miles from my ageing parents. Other siblings are even further away. My father had a sudden illness recently and we thought he was getting better - now it appears the hospital aren't happy and they are making mutterings about nursing homes. It seems they can do no more. Basically they're saying, he's taking up a hospital bed, let's talk about getting him outta here.

All this has been a major shock to my mother, and although we've visited twice since it happened, it's not ideal providing support over the phone......

I imagine this is why people never move away from their parents. Or move back closer to them.

I know naff-all about nursing homes. if someone can fill me in I'd be really grateful. How do you choose a good one? are they just places people are sent to vegetate or can they be pleasant places? Is it like choosing a school, where everyone wants the best ones and you get the dross if you sign up late? Are there private ones and state ones? How much do they cost, and how do they decide how much you pay? How much independence do people get in them? Is it likely that, as my parents worked all their lives they'd be expected to pay for it in full?

Am totally clueless. Talk to me like an idiot please.

My dad was very poorly and needed nursing care, but my mum wanted him at home, in familiar surroundings. This worked very well. He was VERY ill after a major stroke and we kind of knew it was only a matter of time. In the end he was home for about 8 months before dying peacefully at home, in his own bed.

This was a much better situation all round, than having him in home, all confused, with strangers around him.

We had carers coming in four times a day, plus we had a night nurse from an agency for 3 nights which we had to pay full price for, then a sitter on the other nights, provided by a charity. The day carers were from the local authority and we paid something like £45 a week towards that cost.

hi fil has been in a care home for just over a year has slowly gone downhill since then most homes are much the same some may be slightly better mil says some staff do care others couldnt care less!his pension covers most of it and mil makes up shortfall.fil has dementia home is over 3 floors more able on first floor,2 dementia 3rd floor for more nursing care.smell can be bad but they do try to keep on top of it,fil has been attacked a couple of times by other residents and because he is now in a wheelchair cant defend himself is a real worry for the family.only thing i can say is try to find one near you because if you pop in and out often things tend to be kept on top of .It is a very hard and heavy job,under paid but cann be very rewarding good luck in whatever you choose to do!

Thanks everyone for all your wise words.

We are still waiting to see what happens at the hospital, but it is looking ever more likely that we will need to start looking at homes.

custardo you gave me an unintenional with "SS-run home". "You vill eat your food! Achtung!" (Yes, I know, but I'm allowed to find it funny in my current frame of mind!)

sorry no, colditz that was you with the SS!

Another question - if they take savings into account, then surely people who can demonstrate fewer savings have to pay less? How in-depth is the means test? Do they look at all bank accounts? Surely there must be, ahem, "creative" ways of moving money around?

Unquietdad

Sorry to hear about your father.

First thing, talk to a social worker in your fathers part of the world. They will be able to give you a list of the homes in the area. You will be able to sort out those that are suitable for him , meet his needs etc.

Your income is not assesed, it is your parents income that is taken into acount. You mother has a right to stay in her home, and the value of their house cannot be taken into the calculations. You mother has a right to keep savings up to a set limit, it used to be £8000, but that was about 5 years ago.

Go round them and visit. How does the home 'feel' to you. Would your father be happy there, what migh suit some may not suit your dad.

Will your mum be able to visit him, is it close enough to her home etc

Would an alternative be to have carers come into the home?
My grandmother has carers three times a day, paid for by her local authority, in order that she is not uprooted.
There have been problems lately, but TBH part of the difficulty is that she has dementia and so is unable to call the care agency if someone doesn't turn up. She is also pretty immobile and has a stairlift.
Not sure if this type of care would apply if your mother was still at home, but your father's geriatric social worker should be able to advise.
In general I think that local authorities are increasingly keen for the elderly to stay in their own homes wherever possible.

I too am incredibly angry that my grandmother (and my late grandfather) worked all their lives to pay off their mortgage, paid taxes and national insurance, yet if she is unfortunate enough to have to go into a home, her house will have to be sold to pay the exorbitant fees.
It all started in the 80's and as far as I am concerned it is robbery - a way of penalising people who have worked hard to save money.

Thanks MB & pooka.

Yes, I sort of knew it was my parents' income and that family income /savings didn't come into it, but it's good to have that confirmed. The £8000 thing is interesting too - will check that. Mum is already booked to talk to social services. Unfortunately she is doing a lot of it herself, as we are 200 miles away.

bogwobbit's link seems to relate to England only - anyone know the equivalent for Wales?

I'm going to get on the phone to Age Concern as well.

i manage a residential home and also work as care manager for ss. i am in scotland but i think it is similar. Your father should be allocated a care manager to assess his needs and whether he could manage in sheltered housing with a care package or would he be best in a residential home or nursing home. If the latter is decided then a finanical assessment will be done to see who contribution can be made. up here if you have more than 20000 then you are self funding under 12000 you are funded by the local authority though you do make a contribution form state pension. If a member of the family are living in the house then this is not taken if they are a dependant.