am i behaving like a spiteful, spoilt child?

[nightowl]

a little boy from down the street came to play tonight and when i walked into the lounge he and ds announced that theyd been swapping games. (think games console) this boy had a large pile of about 20 of ds's games. i eyed them up and wasnt too happy about it but i thought oh well, thats what kids do. it wasnt until after he'd gone that i checked the games and hed given ds five of his in return!! hes taken all ds's best and new games and left us with the shitty cheap ones just used as stocking fillers. im really annoyed. put together those games have cost a lot of money and ive tried to buy ds one every now and again to build him a good little collection up. to make it worse, this lad has two games consoles and lots of games of his own, now ds has nowt! am i just being spiteful? i thought the idea of swapping was that it was equal exchange. im happy to give away things he doesnt play with anymore but i think that was taking the p**s. im so angry and feel like his sweet nature has totally been taken advantage of. i could cry actually at his little face when he realised what hed done

I think you should contact the boy's mother and say that you didn't realise what they were doing, and that obviously they must return the games. I'm sure she will agree!

i think that however annoying this is (mainly cause you paid for the games) it will teach your son a lesson. Now he realises later on that he has a rough deal he will learn not to do it again!
Maybe say to him that he shouldnt swap things you have brought for him as presents, this may deter him in future.
I did this when I was little with my marble collection and learnt from it!! The fact that I even remember it not 24 years laterr proves that!

and to answer you question - no you are not behaving like a spiteful, spoilt brat! I would feel the same as you

I would contact the boy's mother, also. Hopefully she'll contact you; but if she's like me, it might be a while before she realized (I'm very spacey). But if my son did that, I'd want to be contacted and would be happy to sort it out quickly.

If my children swap or borrow things from their friends, I always contact the parents to check that it is OK. Hopefully the mother will realise that her child has come home with a substantial value in games and will check with you fairly quickly.

DD is only 3, so I have no direct experience of dilemmas like this. However, think I would be inclined to say that the other child could borrow the games for a day or two, but they then must be brought back to your ds. Perhaps you could tell him to think that it's just like a library - you can take the books home for a short time, but they belong to the library so must be returned.

It's lovely that your son is trusting, and wants to share with his friend. Think it would be best if an adult ensures that he doesn't learn a hard lesson because of his kind impulses.

I'd contact the mother and say that you (and DS) were under the impression that you were lending the games for a short time.

Nightowl, get 'em back!!!

How old is your son?

Depending on age, it didn't necessarily occur to the other little boy that cost was an issue - it just looks like a good game to him. Also, I think I'd take the view with any toys, clothes etc., that kids go in for swapping, that it is ALWAYS a temporary swap - children don't have permission to swap toys permanently, precisely because of situations like the one your describing. They're just not capable of making rational decisions about these things until they are older. Also, they could give away presents, leading to no end of offence caused to relatives, friends etc. It's just easier to have a general policy of not allowing toys to be given away (or received) on a permanent basis unless permission has been obtained from both mummies first!!!

Nooo - that's too hard a lesson for a little boy. Go and see the boy's mum, taking his games with you, and get yours back!

I would leave it a couple of days so the boy gets time to play a few and then go round with his five and say Ds is finished with these now,shall we swop back now and do you want to come round for tea whilst im here so its not so obvious your desperate to get the games back.
And in future, have a policy of one game per swop!

my bro has just turned 9 and is not in the least bit streetwise. some little blighter "borrowed" his gameboy advance and despite repeated requests to child and mother it was never returned.

Go and get the games back, with a smiley "they just don't understand at this age, do they?" comment. you are absolutely right to be cross. Also have a quiet chat with DS about "we don't swap things" if you haven't already.

Definitely go round and get them back - some kids are far more calculating than they should be at that age, he might not realise how much they cost but he knows which ones are good and which aren't - do you know exactly which ones he took? If he has a lot of his own you might struggle to find yours so make a list as far as you can.

If one of mine had ever come in with a pile of anything I would have made sure they went straight back, but if I didn't see them come in and they then got mixed up with our own mounds of Stuff I might not notice, his house might be the same.

Your DS has learned the lesson but shouldn't suffer for it. Good luck!

Have you got them back yet? speed is of the essence here. Just explain that your ds mistook swapping for borrowing and he's now missing his games. You don't have to get heavy about it, but do speak up. Agree it's a good idea to make a list of what's gone, also take round the games your son got in return, too.

I think you'll be ok, but I shuddered when I read your post earlier today - my oldest son lost a number of toys through swapping games before I stopped them. I had children saying to me,'sorry I haven't got that game, I swapped it on, I've lost it, so and so took it' etc etc just spreading general confusion. Some children, I'm afraid, are wise beyond their years as another poster said. But usually if a toy got 'lost' or swappes I did get it back, but I had to ask first. Don't rely on parents of the other child to return the stuff. Good luck!

No you're not (but ds' friend certainly was).

As others have said - do not hesitate in contacting the little boy's mum...

i went round this morn with a rather embarrassed smile on my face and just sort of said "i just wanted to check it was a temporary swap as ds has given your ds his new games, hes fine to borrow them but can we have them back when hes finished with them" she was absolutely fine about it, sent a load back immediatly and will return the others later sort of thing. just struck a chord with me as i used to lend friends things when i was a teenager and never got them back as theyd either given them away to someone else, lost them or sold them! i learnt the hard way and it wasnt nice! hmmmm...ds and i are due for a little chat methinks!

Followed this thread but haven't posted yet as all my advice had been said before!

Glad you managed to sort it out though - you must be relieved!

Glad it worked out.

Glad it worked out. Remember to remind her for the rest!

This is one of those threads I feel I need print and keep in a binder, so when it happens to me, I'll know what to do. (Yeah, like I'm that organized....)

Hooray! Well done.