Will this affect his whole life?

[bemused]

DS2 (3) has a swimming lesson on a Monday which clashes exactly with football-after-school for DS1 (5). I told DH that I'd rebooked DS2s swimming for the next term and could he commit to coming home early on any Monday to pick up DS1 from footy. He said no so I said that I didn't see how DS1 could do footy this term as I'd have to keep finding people willing to take him home for half an hour.

Apparently, this will affect DS1s whole life because he'll have to come and sit watching DS2s swimming lesson whilst his friends are doing footy and DH couldn't believe I'd made such a decision (rebooking swimming) without consulting him. Apparently I should have not booked DS2s swimming so DS1 could continue with the footy practice that DH saw once and said was rubbish. He claims that being told he can't continue with footy will affect DS1 but telling DS2 he can't do his swimming won't have the same effect because he is "less aware" and is not swimming with friends. Apparently we can take him swimming on a Sunday and continue to teach him ourselves (which, from experience, I know won't happen)

As it happens, I have enrolled DS1 in footy again so I have to go through the whole **ing faff of asking people to take him home. I HATE doing this as I'm very shy and dislike asking people things.

I've been struggling to understand this all day...

1. Should I have consulted with DH over a decision which affects him not at all?
2. Will missing out on 1 terms football scar DS1 for life and scupper his friendhips?
3. Should DS2 be taken out of his swimming lesson where he loves both the lesson and the instructor?
4. Am I being dense here??
5. Is there life on Mars?

I've not changed my name to hide, just to ask the question without any interference from my usual name.

1. No
2. No!
3. No
4. No
5. Yes - your dh seems to be a resident!

Men! Honestly!

It will have a terrible and detrimental effect on his life friendships, future finances (as a non-stinking-rich-premier-player), self-esteem (being forced to watch toddler soak up all the attention) and will undoubtedly cause life-long issues between him and his mother for which he will need psychotherapy.

Which is why, as it is so important, it would be a good idea for your DH to agree to meet him from footie.

P.S, on the plus side of course, the decision might save DS2 from drowning. Which will have a considerable effect on the rest of HIS life.

Seriously, Bemused, are you sure it is such a chore for another parent to take DS1 home for a bit? Is there something you could do to reciprocate? I would love to help out another parent if it meant I had someone to call on in return.

It's just that I really really hate approaching people, especially when I really don't know them at all. Apart from 1 mother (who took DS1 home twice last term from footy!) I only ever briefly chat to them in the playground at picking up time. I know I'd find mothers to do it, I'd certainly be happy to do it for another mother. If only I didn't have to ask!

It's the "how could you make that decision" bit that has really wound me up though. Which decisions am I allowed to make on my own? The bit about it affecting the rest of DS1s life was, quite obviously, a pile of poo.

But exactly Bemused : you should be able to take decisions on anything that HE won't take any responsibility for. If he won't co-operate with collecting from footie, he has no voice in the decision, IMO! Not when it clearly ISN'T a matter of life and death anyway. If it was a health or education matter, and he COULDN'T be there it would be different.

The man is clearly barking!!

Bump. Hoping to catch the evening rush.

If it were me I probably would have mentioned it to my dh beforehand but dh would ultimately have left the decision to me as I would be the one making all the practical arrangements. Unless your dh can make the effort to come home early to collect ds1 then I don't think he should have a problem with your decision. As for your original question, no I don't think ds1's life will be ruined by going without extra football for a few weeks.

I wouldn't have thought it was a decision necessary to consult him on. I wouldn't have consulted my husband, at any rate. If I did I'm sure his answer would be "Whatever you think is best".

Glad you're bemused about it, though.