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Desperate for a better life

45 replies

Fairyfly · 09/06/2004 06:36

In the last year everything has come crashing down, my self esteem, my energy to live and work and all my hopes. All i can see infront of me is a bottomless abyss and i am starting to get scared. I really don't know how to turn things round, i am constantly looking for answers to get me out of the huge hole i have found myself in. I am just finding dead ends. I am unemployed and have no idea how you get a job anymore, i don't know what i am good at and feel so low that i would be amased if someone would employ me in the first place. I have no skills that would get me into work. I feel terrible and worthless that my life has amounted to being a single mother on income support. I am finding it increasingly difficult to survive on the money i have availible. I need to move as soon as possible but don't know where to go and what would make me happy. I am sick to death of trying to keep my head above water and stay positive when i just get kicked to the ground again. I have been up all night worrying myself stupid, feeling all this pressure alone. Has anyone any advice on how to create a life for yourself out of nothing. I want to look at the future with more hope, i just don't know how to create it.

OP posts:
dinosaur · 09/06/2004 10:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

glitterfairy · 09/06/2004 10:43

Ff everything that you need to create that life is inside you. You just need to believe that and go for it. Self doubt is natural after everything that has happened but you are strong and funny and witty and bright.

What happened to the nursing idea?

Hiddenspirit fantastic ideas. Janstar that is an incredible and triumphant life story.

I wonder whether you are not still in part of the grief process ff and that this is has been exacerbated by what has happened over the last few weeks.

moominmama86 · 09/06/2004 10:51

Wow, Janstar - you're a complete inspiration. I'd be happy to achieve half of what you've done to get yourself out of a horrible situation. I really hope you are so proud of yourself.

FF - so sorry you are feeling this way. You are not terrible and worthless, and you are not alone - we are all here for you any time you need us. I can understand how hard it must be to motivate yourself but even the smallest step forward will be a start. Please do try the job centre (or maybe the CAB?), local agencies etc. I agree with Janstar about needing things, needs, ideas, whatever to motivate you - something specific to focus on.

You CAN do it. You will do it. Please don't give up - you kow there is loads of support and encouragement here (and probably lots more proper advice than my ramblings ).

Janstar · 09/06/2004 10:57

Another thing you absolutely have to do is to look at the big picture and not the small. The most worthwhile things we can acheive in life take a long time and committed work to do. That's why you don't have to be a go-getter to be an acheiver. You can be a plodder and be just as successful.

Bugsy2 · 10/06/2004 10:50

Oh Fairyfly, I'm glad you've popped up again and had a good moan. I was worried that you had disappeared completely.
You are understandably feeling really low at the moment. I felt similar last year when I was made redundant, dh left and it took me much longer than expected find another job.
The fact you are a mum immediately gives you skills to get a job - you could be a childminder. If that thought fills you with complete horror, how about taking in ironing? Could you put a note in a local shop (preferably at the posh end of town/city/village). At least that would be cash in hand and you could do it in your own time.
It is hard for me to suggest stuff as I don't know a huge amount about your life. I know when I was feeling like you, I went to get antidepressants to help me fight my way through the gloom to find the positive side of myself again.
I'm stabbing around here for ideas, but you probably have a computer and you can type, what about secretarial work?
Are you in a rural area, could you move to a town/city where it might be easier to find work?
Anyway, giant huge hugs. If you want to just get away, you'd be welcome to come and stay in my mad house for a few days.

tigermoth · 10/06/2004 23:27

fairyfly, sorry life is getting to you so much. Toothache and hiddenspirit gave you great practical advice, and janster's inspriring story shows what can be done if you are determined and keep a better future in sight through the present crappy times. Is there any way you can make things easier for yourself right now? I noticed janster moved in with her father for a while, right at the beginning of her slow but sure march to a better life. I'm not saying moving in with your family is the right thing for you, but it's a thought? I know you have young children. Life will get easier once they are at school. You can work or study more easily. It might seem an eternity but you can use this time to plan what you want to do.

It's awful not to have a life plan when you want it. Sometimes I'm happy to drift along, but other times I need to know where I am going. It doesn't matter it I am not there yet, but having the plan gives me hope.

nightowl · 11/06/2004 00:34

well a few years ago i had a mortgage, decent job, dh and our lovely baby. now i live in a council house and im a single mom of two kids with different fathers, recently made redundant. so i do know where you are coming from ff. i dont know how to mend things either but i wanted you to know that you have my support and that i know how it feels. im sorry i cant offer any useful advice but im here for you xx

Fairyfly · 11/06/2004 00:38

XXXXXXXXXXX

OP posts:
Fairyfly · 11/06/2004 00:41

Well.. i fell in love, without a doubt, he was sooo fit, he left....... badness, i thought i could move on and get over it, stupid idea

OP posts:
Fairyfly · 11/06/2004 00:55

i know life is great, i feel ashamed that i want to give up, i am so lonely, i don't know how to get out of it

OP posts:
Janstar · 11/06/2004 09:51

Hi Fairyfly. How are you feeling today?

glitterfairy · 11/06/2004 13:04

OI ff get onto msn I may have something to cheer you up only a little something mind!

Tortington · 11/06/2004 17:26

really sorry your feeling this way ff. i think you should take up the suggestion of new deal for lone parents and get the info sent to you there must be a website someone?

however as i understand the curent benefits system you get penalised for studying over gcse level which would be NVQ2 i think. so bare this in mind.

my biggest tip and i cannot emphasize this enough is to get back into some form of education. just getting out builds your confidence- you meet with other people maybe make new friends and have something to aim for - it doesnt have to be to do with a career - do a drawing class or pottery. there are lots of courses available and if your on benefits they are reduced or even free.

this is what did. i left school with nothing more than an art gcse. i got married had a child v. young mortgage went tits up and then found i was expecting twins. the lifesaver for me was a local college offering a free creche for those on benefits or low incomes. i went on a course which was interpersonal and learning techniques and my only reason for doing this was to get away from the kids. sounds horrid but staying at home, skint, with diagnosed depression one more child than i had planned for and no support was too much. so off i went to dump my kids just to get away. thats when i got the bug. i learned from that course about "access courses" A - level equivalents. i got a part time job and studied at the same time, doing a couple of gcse's in the evening which i paid for. next thing you know i am doing the absolute unthinkable just 18 months earlier - applying for university. 4 years later ( took a year out) i had a degree and by working part time i had a job history. i worked packing those disney posters in tubes making my own money for 2p ( i shit you not)2p a tube. i worked at a local supermarket, and i worked then part - time for my landlord - a housing Association. that turned into full time work, i got more relevent community work qualifications and here i am years later.

and all becuse i needed to get out of the house before i was committed. i tell tenants i come into contact will that story a lot and it makes then thnk "if she can do it, then why not me?" because i am nothing special learning doesnt come easy to me it was hard work and i did it for the achievement i desperatley wanted that photo of me in a hat and gown - whilst everone else was planning their careers and what high earning job they were going to get. whilst all my peers were off the student union. i got the bus 10 miles home to 3 kids - young kids, did the housewifey bit, went to work and studied. all for the hope and the photo.

please take up the opportunies of cheapo education just to up your confidence if not to learn anything in particular. just getting out and having something to aim for helps your self esteem and gives you a new image of yourself and changes that bottomless pit which is depression which you never think your going to get out of.

xxxxbest wishes, love and prayersxxxxxx
mail me anytime [email protected]

essbee · 11/06/2004 18:06

Message withdrawn

baldrick · 11/06/2004 18:09

ff, so sorry to hear of your situation, am about to take son to Youth club, so haven't given much of a response but will be reading through your postings tonight and hopefully able to reply to you, hope you're all right.

babysteffee · 11/06/2004 18:20

FF have you thought about selling bits and pieces on ebay or car boot sales? Might not be much but it'll make you a few extra quid and boost your confidence.

If you think you have no skills and don't feel ready for a paid job, how about voluntary work? There's loads of different things to do, and it'll give you a confidence boost knowing you're helping someone. Your benefits won't be affected and you'll get things like childcare and bus fares paid for, plus you'll get some extra skills (though I have to agree with a previous poster, you DO already have skills, even if you don't believe it).

I can vouch for St Johns Wort. I used it to stop smoking and it really does cheer you up.

Fairyfly · 11/06/2004 20:53

Thankyou, you are all fabulous xxx I feel inspired

OP posts:
aloha · 11/06/2004 21:14

I have no advice for you FF, but just to say I am sorry that you've had such a dreadful time, and that yes, you are young and your time will come.

robyncat · 12/06/2004 21:31

You could try winning that house in the competition for a fiver

HiddenSpirit · 19/06/2004 22:58

Just wondering how things are going FF?

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