struggling really hard to keep the tears back, someone, anyone help me have a laugh pleaseeeee

[step2]

Can't turn to anyone about this right now don't want to depress nearest and dearest but found out two things today that wish I hadn't, help me laugh or at least smile PLEASE. (know I should be grateful for the fact that I'm alive and the sun is shining but it's not helping)

do you wanna talk about it step2?

hugs XXX

What happened step2, I woudl send a joke but I'm afraid it may not be apropiate

Anything we can help with?

I find the sun shining when I'm feeling p*ed off about something makes me feel worse so stay indoors and tell us what's wrong instead, then we can make you feel better

what up?

hmmm, without knowing the details, would it help to quote my dear old nan, 'There's always someone worse off than you'?

Sorry mate, hate to think or anyone feeling so upset.

Is threre anything else we can do.

sorry just need a laugh pathetic or risky wouldn't object as I'm feeling very very very down and it's pathethic really just everything smacked me again just when I thought I would try again left feeling why me why us why why why I must have been so wicked in a previous life. Just I have tried keep trying and then someone comes along who has been and is really horrible to me for years and they have succeeded beyond my struggle where I have failed. Sorry. Feeling so down just want to talk to someone but can't turn to anyone except those I don't want to upset.

Not clear on what's happening Step2.
Do you want to spell it out to us and we can all try and help?

Or shall we just tell you silly things and try and make you smile?

Step - this is a really good place to share that sort of thing - especially when you don't want to talk to friends on hand. Sorry you're feeling so down.x

step2, would it help if you told us the full story. i'm sure there will be someone here who can help you.

Step, if you want to talk this is absolutely the best place.

If not, this is the best place for a very silly laugh: www.framleyexaminer.com

What do you get hanging from trees?

Sore arms.

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I have just got this one from an Spanish friend (good to laugh at yourself sometimes)

Three men, an Italian, a French and a Spanish went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first:
"I wake up in the morning, I see the yellow sun, I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next:

"I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."

Last was the Spanish:
"I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone: green...green..., I pink up the phone and say: Yellow?...."

thank you & thank you all no-one can help make things better but thank you for the I just got

you never know until you try.........try us!!! we are very friendly and helpful. Ive had some fair stuff happen to me. You can always contact one of us privatley through contact talker, we wont gossip about ut. Sometimes it helps to talk to strangers

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A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. Someone on here could have gone or be going through same thing and you'll always get amazing support whatever it is on Mumsnet.

Had BBQ at the weekend - couple (him terribly arrogant and up his own bottom andher just plain thick!!) who's wedding we are going to in the summer in Italy were talking about there preparations and said that they had been to see the priest and after much lying he had written them a letter to say that they could be married in a Catholic Church because they were regular church goers - anyway whilst making small talk the priest then got all serious and asked them how the preparations were going (any god fearing catholic would realise he meant the lessons you have to attend to get married in a catholic church) and she piped up - Oooohhhh I've got my dress and Jimmy's got his suit and we've sent all of the invites and bvooked the hotel adn we are having 15 courses - apparently she waffled on for 10 minutes before the priest had a chance to stop her and explain what he really meant!! (Well I found it funny!!)

Oh and he told me that he is going to make her have 2 sets of triplets (cause he would like 6 kids but it won;t be fair for her to be pregnant for that amount of time) and he is going to make sure she is having them by C section too cause he doesn;t think he could cope with her having to go through natural child birth!! - AAARRRGGGHHH _ Bless him these are just a few of the corkers he came out with!!

don't fight tears, step, they are your friend {{{{}}}}

Marriage jokes!

Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man marries typical good looking woman. When they get home from the honeymoon he says, "I go out when I want with whom I want, no complaints from you. I expect a hot dinner every night unless I tell you I won't be home. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
(SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Anyway....here is a joke for you.

A man is in a bar with a friend drowning his sorrows, fed up with his wife....'maybe i can help you there' says his friend...'i know a man who can do her in for you if you like. His name is Arty and he will do anything for a quid'.....'a quid?!' says the man.....'yes' says the friend. So this bloke meets up with Arty.....'she will be coming out of tescos on saturday at 1pm....she will be wearing a red scarf'........'ok' says Arty.....The man pays Arty his pound and leaves, waiting for the weekend to arrive.

So saturday comes and Arty is in the carpark of tescos watching out for this woman........sure enough out she comes. Arty follows her to her car and strangles her with her scarf....

He heads back to his car, but as he looks up, he sees another woman leaving tescos wearing a red scarf....'oh sh*t...what if i killled the wrong one' he says??? 'i better do her in as well just to make sure I got the right one'.....so he follows her as well and strangles her.

Poor Arty didn't realise though that security cameras had caught him killing the two women....and he was soon arrested.....

Headlines in the paper the next day.....

'ARTY CHOKES 2 FOR A POUND AT TESCOS'

Hope you feel better soon x

ROFL skerriesmum!!!

Thanks!