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Original poster

Wierd situation in our street - what would you do?

30 replies

dotcotton · 29/01/2007 09:41

Last night Dh went out to the shop and came back saying that a woman who we are pretty sure is our neighbour's wife was sitting on a suitcase opposite their house, just looking at the house and crying. We deliberated and he went back out to ask if she was ok. She's japanese and apparently doesn't speak much english but just kept saying "thank you".

He went out a while later with a cup of tea which she took, just asking which house to return the cup to. He was still concerned so went out later before we went to bed and she was gone, but the case was still there.

As nice as i thought it was for him to be concerned i couldn't see what we could do, she didnt seem to be in immediate danger or to be hurt, we didnt want to interfere in what we thought might just be a wierd drug-induced row (we know he does drugs and is an alcohoiic and she looked quite out of it) and i thought the police would just laugh if we called to say someone was sitting in the street on a suitcase crying.

But she's still there this morning, so now i feel like I should do something. What though ??

OP posts:
colditz · 29/01/2007 09:42

by still there, do you mean still sat on her suitcase?

totaleclipse · 29/01/2007 09:44

Could social services help?, I would call them to see what they suggest being as she has been there a long time.

Original poster
dotcotton · 29/01/2007 09:44

Yep, still sitting on her suitcase

Now i've written that we left her there last night i think i must look a bit heartless but i sort of rationalised that maybe she was waiting for a friend or cab to pick her up, now i think maybe she hasnt got anyone to help her

OP posts:
Whoooosh · 29/01/2007 09:45

I think I would have to go and see if she needed any help-she must be freezing.
I am my own worst enemy but I would have to invite her in.

BettySpaghetti · 29/01/2007 09:46

Difficult one.

You could ask if she wants to use your phone to phone anyone (friends, place to stay, someone to help her) or you could offer to phone someone for her.

Otherwise I would be tempted to phone the police and ask them to drop by - they could use their judgement as to what help she may need (if any) eg. refuge/mental health and advise or help her accordingly. then again if there are drugs issues this may not be welcome?

Sorry, not much help there .

KezzaG · 29/01/2007 09:48

I would want to invite her in, but would be a bit concerned in case of any repurcussions - from either her dh or her. you dont really know what you are getting involved in.

However, I couldnt just leave her, so I think I would call the police. Im sure they wouldnt just leave her there, and hopefully could get a translator or something tofind out what is wrong.

What a weird situation!

satine · 29/01/2007 09:48

I think if I were in your position, I'd try to get her to come into my house, at least, so she'd be warm. You might not want to take on the situation all on your own, but she's obviously in distress and needs help from someone - and a friendly face would be more sympathetic than the police or social services.

NannyL · 29/01/2007 09:56

that is a tricky one

i dont think i could just leave her there though

Original poster
dotcotton · 29/01/2007 10:00

I'm calling the police, I don't want to invite her as it's just me and dd and as some have said, scared of what i could be getting into.

OP posts:
Freckle · 29/01/2007 10:07

I'd call the police but invite her in as well. She may refuse, but at least you will have tried. I'm not sure what people think might happen - are you concerned her dh might prove violent because you offered his wife some shelter? Seems a bit far-fetched really. Especially if you have already notified the police - he'd be hard-pressed to do anything with the police aware of the situation.

InTheHouse · 29/01/2007 10:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

nailpolish · 29/01/2007 10:14

i would call the police

you wouldnt be much help if you cant talk to her and she cant talk to you (because of language barrier) At least the police can provide an interpreter for her to talk to

maybe phone the police, see what they say?

nailpolish · 29/01/2007 10:15

id be worried too that her drug induced partner would come knocking on the door whiile i was home with dds...

SSShakeTheChi · 29/01/2007 10:19

I'd invite her in, let have a bath, give her some breakfast. Imagine you were in Japan, could barely speak the language and were sitting on a suitcase in the street. Sounds awful.

Chandra · 29/01/2007 10:25

I would invite her in, and ring women's aid, the police or anyone that may help her. TBH if she has been kicked out and has no money or ways to communicate their needs, she needs help ASAP.

SSShakeTheChi · 29/01/2007 10:26

Oh that's a good idea, women's aid.

NbgsYellowFeathers · 29/01/2007 10:28

I wouldnt invite her in as you dont know her circumstances and what is going on around her. Better to keep yourself and your children safe
but I would call the police, they will certainly come out to investigate.

Original poster
dotcotton · 29/01/2007 10:46

Thanks everyone, good advice and some of you are so much nicer than me!

I have just gone to speak to her (and called police earlier). Dh wrongly assumed that she was this guy's wife as he knew his wife was japanese and they have a volatile relationship.

It turns out that she lives in the house she's outside, and from what i can work out she is trying to reconcile with her daughter, but the boyfriend doesnt like her and won't let her in the house. I just asked if she wanted more tea or anything, or to use my phone, she just kept saying she was ok and thank you.

Who knows the real situation but i don't think its as drastic as it might have seemed, just a very sad family situation from the looks of things. I did give her my house number and tell her to come round if she needed help later.

OP posts:
jampot · 29/01/2007 10:51

i think you've done the best thing dotcotton. You've offered her assistance if she requires it although she sounds quite proud too. Does her daughter live in the house with her boyfriend?

Original poster
dotcotton · 29/01/2007 11:01

I dont know, tbh it was a bit difficult as we couldnt understand eachother properly, i think either she has come from Japan to get her daughter, hence suitcase, or they all live there and the boyfriend has thrown the mum out. SHe said something about the daughter returning to Japan.

Either way i'm glad we helped a bit but not sure i could do anything else.

OP posts:
Chandra · 29/01/2007 11:05

HAve you rang the police? it's cold outside, and although mother's stubborness may be legendary... another few hours in the cold may be too much for her.

Hope the DD is OK, it doesn't seem to me that in a culture like the Japanese one, a DD would be able to leave mother out in the cold regardless of the circumstances. It just doesn't work that way

SSShakeTheChi · 29/01/2007 11:16

Good on you for caring. What did the police say? Were they helpful? Are they planning on doing anything?

Freckle · 29/01/2007 11:31

What about asking your neighbour's wife to speak to her? If the wife is Japanese, she should be able to work out what the situation is and you could then take it from there.

SSShakeTheChi · 29/01/2007 11:35

the neighbour's wife is the daughter of the woman in the street and estranged from her mother it seems so not speaking to her.

jampot · 29/01/2007 13:54

oh right so the lady sitting on the suitcase has a daughter who is with the drugnut?

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