I'm not being unreasonable (am I?)

[JJ]

We're flying to the US (we're American expats in Switzerland) to see friends and family and have a holiday for the summer. We have a house there (rural AL) near my aunt's and mom and dad's.

My BIL and family (wife, young daughter) are coming to see us and expect to be welcomed with open arms on the day we arrive. They'll be staying with us and we're raggedy and jet-lagged when we come in and I'd rather they waited a day or two.

This might mean they have to stay in a hotel for a night (they'll be at a conference a couple of hours away which ends on the day we arrive) and don't have a lot of money.

I'm still ok for asking them to wait a day, aren't I? From door to door, it'll be around a 20 hour trip and almost no sleep for anyone. I really want to crash in an empty house and not have to entertain. I know my mom's and aunt's houses are full, too.

Not at all unreasonable, JJ! And I think they are being a bit insensitive. Will they not respond to a firm 'I think we need a day or two to make ourselves - and the house- ready for guests' - or just give them a later arrival date for yourselves.

Actually, I take back the insensitive bit - they can't really change their dates due to the conference, and may well be feeling a bit awkward arriving the day you arrive, but havn't the money for a hotel! Would it be possible for you to arrive a day or two earlier?
Otherwise just explain that they will really have to fend entirely for themselves for the first couple of days. i can se why you don't want it - but you might not have much choice!

I'm sorry to contradict you, but no... It will be very kind of them to wait until a day later, but it wouldn't be kind at all from you to tell them not to come when they are making all the effort.
My family always welcome us with a big dinner, party or restaurant going, for them is 8:00 pm for us,at the time we arrive after 14-20 hrs of travelling is about 4 am, however I still find it very rude to tell my sister who made the effort of travelling for 2 hrs with her family not to come until later. I may be the one that is away by they also miss me and cutting them short of something they have done because they appreciate us sounds to me a bit rude. By the way, my family is in America as well.

Why should you have to play hostess to them, JJ? It's not like you really "live" there anymore. I think I'd say, "Sure you're welcome, but you'll have to take care of yourselves (cooking, whatever) for a day or two until we get over the jetlag."

pay the $100 for them to stay the night in Best Western nearest to you, tell them it would be just awful if they had to wait on your doorstep if your flights and connections were delayed and you would never forgive yourself after they have come all that way to see you, no, no, really, you insists!!!

I have turfed out friends who were crashing at our house when we were away because I wanted to come back from the trip from OZ to an empty house and not have to entertain, I think a cranky tired hostess is best avoided at ALL costs.

I do have to admit that:

1. I'm antisocial and very cranky at the best of times
2. I don't like my BIL v much

No 2 is because he's a guy to whom the phrase "Give him an inch, he'll take a yard" applies and he's taken advantage of our hospitality (what little I possess!) before.

So I'm thinking that I will ask him to wait a day and offer to pay. They don't have much money, but certainly have enough money for a hotel for a night. Plus, I was wrong -- they're coming from a wedding (he mentioned the conference ending in an earlier email, hence the confusion), so are paying for that.

We came back from only a holiday a couple of years ago and my inlaws had a set of keys "just in case the alarm went off". However, I knew as soon as we set that they would install themselves in my house and use it as their own (they were staying at my sister's (vacant) flat at the time about 15 mins away. Sure enough they did move in and sleep in MY bed etc and of course they were still there when we got home (in fact they opened my door to me ) they had made a casserole for us all to eat (including them) and didn't pi$$ off until about 9pm. I would be inclined to tell your BIL that you don't know when you're landing etc and could they make alternative arrangements for that evening but you're happy to have them visit the next pm

Hi! Sorry for not reading properly before -- I was making supper.

It turns out it's a moot point what I think. My husband doesn't want them to come that night and has asked him to leave earlier than they had planned. I think that my BIL was expecting a week's free holiday (all inclusive with a babysitter on call). Well, maybe not that much, but it's a relief to me.

I think if it were his other brother, one of our close friends or my sister it wouldn't matter. It's just that what will be a stressful situation anyway would have been made unbearable after the trip.

Thanks again for all your thoughts! I swear I'm usually a bit more generous than this...

Personally I wouldn't give it another thought except for you to tell them that it really isn't convenient for them to stay at least for the 1st night. Presumably you'll need to sort stuff out if you haven't been there for a while and do shopping etc etc. I think they're being unreasonable to expect otherwise imho.