Please help - don't know what decision to make.

[jamum]

Went back to work in september full time (was turned down for flexible hours)and thought I had the childcare sorted.

But over christmas I was forced to find a new childminder.

This doesn't seem to be working out.

Ds (One and a half) has started biting and hitting within the last 2 weeks, seems very unsettled and generally unhappy. Whilst I am not doing my job terribly well due to having to leave so early every day in order to pick ds up, and getting in later than normal once I've dropped ds off.

Colleagues have started to make the odd comment about it, and I've had to postpone meetings to fit around ds.

I've no support from dp as he works quite far away so doesn't get home before 6.30 at the very earliest.

My career is quite pressurised, and it's suffering due to ds, and ds is suffering due to my job. Noone wins.

But can't afford to not work. I've been on the lookout for a parttime position in a similiar job, but nothing since september.

I'm exhausted and utterly fed up with the whole situation. I normally enjoy my job and don't know if I would resent staying at home fulltime with ds (I was climbing the walls by the end of my mat leave) but now feel so guilty about ds.

What should I do?

Are there any nurseries around you. I know its not for everyone but they can be useful and they quite often have good opening hours that would allow you to carry on working full time with the view of carry on looking for part time work.

I would wait and see for a little bit. After DD was born in October DS also one and a half started biting and hiting and seemed very unsettled but now things are definately getting better. I think changes such as a new childminder or baby can knock a little one back for a while and he will need time to settle into the new routine.

Why were you turned down for flexible working? Do you think the situation would improve if you had flexible hours? Could you not go back and say that you are thinking the position is not possible for you at present with current hours? No harm in asking especially if you are right about other people 'commenting'. Sorry I know it is an awful feeling when stuck between trying to peform well at work and worrying about your child.

Do bear this in mind, most children especially when they realise they get a reaction may do something-some its biting some hitting some scratching etc. It maybe just a phase or it could be him telling you hes not as settled as you thought(or would like him to be!) Just remember its normal(although in our eyes not exceptable)behaviour

Definitly think the situation would improve if I was part time, over holidays ds is so much calmer, nicer and happier. It's not an option to be part time with my present employer - but looking at other options all the time. I would need to earn a similiar wage (pro rata) as I do now in order to pay mortgage/childcare which I pay out of my wages (while dp pays all other bills plus CSA for his dd) etc etc

dont know about nursery as childminders always seem to be more felxible
is the cm near work? could you get a cm near work?
what kind of work do you do? i know the benifit offices are fab to work for they give loads of flexi and great hols