Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

"When I'm King of the world I'm going to make it illegal for two men or two women to get married"

37 replies

Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:35

Says ds1 to me tonight....

AARRGGGHHHHH!!!!

"Why?" I said, in a calm, measured way
"because it's wrong" he says, "and you and Mummy are going to have to get unmarried".

Oh boy. Tell me it's a phase... He won't tell me where he's got this from, and up until fairly recently he was quite keen to marry his best friend Lewis, so I'm suspecting playground influence, which makes me very for him. We knew this was going to happen, but he's only 5.

So I had a nice chat with him about it all being alright for men/women to marry and how if anyone says it's not, he's got to think in his own mind about what's right and wrong and if he ever wants to talk to me about it etc.etc. Only he's not a great talker, so I don't suppose we'll ever hear the half of it.

OP posts:
Fireflyfairy2 · 16/01/2007 19:38

My dd marries her barbies to each other every day!!!!

But I suspect you are right about outside influences...

northerner · 16/01/2007 19:40

Bless him. I think they just say anything to go against the norm. I have a ds who is nearly 5, and he asked me who he will live with when he grows up, I said he would meet a nice lady, get married and live with her.

He said I don't want to marry a lady I want to marry Jake (his friend from school)

So I told him that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls if they wish.

So now he announces to all and sundry this is what he will do.

TRy not to worry.

hoxtonchick · 16/01/2007 19:40

. i'm sure it is the playground.

not the same, but ds came home today saying "god made us" which left me . we are an ardently atheist household. after a bit of propaganda ("actually, daddy & i made you"), gentle questioning elicited he'd heard it from a boy he hero-worships a bit. so we are having lots of talks about what some people believe & how thinking for yourself is ok.

hope you're ok too.

cazzybabs · 16/01/2007 19:41

OH no - it must be hard for you and for him. I don't me offend but children so want to fit on and the norm is married man and woman. But think how much culture has chnaged already - I was an umarried mother - which according to grandfather was equilvent to being Sadam Hussein..but now for our generation it is perfectly accetable for umarried people to have children and so my rambling point is in a few years it will be accetable and no child will comment about your and your dw. But for now you a pioners and so it will he hard for all you!

Big hugs to you all and I'm sure this phase will pass!

marthamoo · 16/01/2007 19:41

It's a phase. And it may not even be anything he's picked up from elsewhere, it may just be something he's come up with all by himself. They do have some quite off the wall ideas at 5 - my ds2 is marrying me. I don't think it signifies he's latently deeply homophobic

And anyway - I know he's your son and he's terrifically clever and talented - but I can almost guarantee you he isn't ever going to be King of the world...so I think you're safe

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:41

I know... Little sod. Just have to hope he never gets made King of the world!

OP posts:
cazzybabs · 16/01/2007 19:42

oh god I can't type - sorry!

what a crap message - my heart was in the right place!

tissy · 16/01/2007 19:42

It may be one of those thoughts that disappears as fast as it came, though.

Dd is determined at the moment that she is ONLY going to marry her brother. He apparently is OK, because he's not a boy (well, no he's not, he's 20, but he's still her brother!)

WeaselMum · 16/01/2007 19:43

oh dotty

haven't got any wise words - but dp and I have just read this and feel very too

our ds is only 7 months so this is some way off for us. He seems to love having two mummies at the moment!

I'm sure this is just a phase - I guess it will come out in time where this idea is coming from

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2007 19:43

that must be tough

Mind you, dont they all hate girls at that age and go "bleugh" at the thought of kissing them? So, it may be possible that he is being contrary according to his home situation?

lulumama · 16/01/2007 19:43

sounds like he has heard something, and is trying it out ...and seeing the reaction........5 is young though.....poor you....they do get funny ideas and fixate on things, it will pass , i guess, not making a huge deal, but telling him it upset you?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2007 19:44

Ah yes....DD insists on calling her younger DB "Dad", atm....

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:46

Weaselmum - it is hard! The other thing he also said tonight was "Why are you my Mummy?" - when I asked him about it he basically couldn't understand how I was his Mum because he knows dp had him, not me. So, I explained how I'd helped make him - which kind of got me into explaining the mechanics of it all - he's now fascinated by it all..!

What a nightmare though. We're going to have to keep being calm and positive and fight off all the crap he and ds2 come home with, as well as arming them well enough to not get bullied by it. All of which we knew 5 years ago, but knowing the theory and experiencing it first hand are very different!

OP posts:
lulumama · 16/01/2007 19:48

DS wanted to marry me when he was 5 and make daddy go away...

try not to worry Dotty......easier said than done...anyone in RL in a similar postion you can turn to?

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:48

cazzybabs - I agree, it's just a matter of time, and things have changed so much already.

5 year olds are just so conventional..!

VVV - yes, ds1 hates all things girly at the moment (completely denies that pink was his favourite colour until this year - school has changed everything...). I think it's impossible to overestimate the influence school has on children - amazing really that 5 years with us can be wiped out in a term!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:49

Yes, we've got friends with two boys who are slightly younger though - haven't started school yet. Will keep wittering on MN of course - keeps me sane (ish)!

OP posts:
nearlymybeetrootday · 16/01/2007 19:49

I do think it is a phase. he knows his family life is different and kids don't like being different sometimes- that is when your calm voice and solid partnership becomes his security net.

cazzybabs · 16/01/2007 19:52

Out of interest could you tell his teacher this...I am sure she could read a story on how we are all different (elmer springs to mind very quickly) - how boring it would be if we were all the same...you know little toby has ginger hair and katie has brown hair, robin is good at reading and johny is good at football, Claire has a mummy and a daddy and Alex has 2 mummies, Pete likes .... etc etc

you get the idea so very gentle and no big hooha about it...that is how I do it if he was in my class!

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:52

Absoutely. Calm voice. (as long as I can scream on here...).

OP posts:
Califrau · 16/01/2007 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mustrunmore · 16/01/2007 19:54

Not quite the same, but I have a 3yr old ds1, who has told me every day for 2 weeks that he doesnt like me anymore and he's not my friend. Whilst idolising my neighbour, and giving her cuddles at every opportunity. I'm hoping this is a phase too. Everything in his life so far has been, so am working on the premise that life is always just flitting from phase to phase.

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:54

Yes, fab idea Cazzy - will mention it to his teacher, who's really lovely and I'm sure could do a subtle mention from time to time.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 16/01/2007 19:55

Well Dottydot this is shocking

After all your best interests you've got a power-obsessed monarchist

Sit him down and explain that the notion of political power wielded by the monarchy is outdated and morally obscene, and as soon as you have some time in between the laundry and cooking, you are going to start the revolution

Original poster
Dottydot · 16/01/2007 19:56

Awww - MRM - ds1 did this to me as well last year! (they really are irritating little gits aren't they?). it's like they instinctively know which buttons to press... Took a while for ds1 to stop saying he didn't like me, but bizarrely I'm now definitely favourite Mummy!

OP posts:
marthamoo · 16/01/2007 19:57

School does have an enormous influence on them when they start in reception - but I think they become more their own person as they progress - they start to question what they are told (by teachers and their peers) rather than take it as gospel. Ds2 started school in September too and he has become something of an evangelical Christian - God made us, God made the world, God made our house (this last was too much for dh, an avowed atheist, who said "actually, ds2...people made our house.") Yesterday ds2 told me that God will make anything happen if you trust Him enough...

I remember ds1 being exactly the same - I think they are quite big on Christianity in reception - and last time round we were pretty taken aback by it all...but he's in Year 5 now and has formed his own ideas about God and religion.

I think in reception it doesn't occur to them that they can disagree or question anything they are told (so you do get a lot of Mrs X said this and Billy said that... and of course it must all be true and unquestionable).

I don't think there's anything wrong in telling him that what he's said has made you feel sad though.