I'm sinking. Someone please help me!

[harman]

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I am so sorry for you harman with things the way they are for you. I think you ex is being really unreasonable seeing as you've got 3 kids and a bump to find a house for. Why can' t he move out?
I hope something comes up for you, its hard when you don't know what to do and don't want to be in a bad area.
I think everything seems worse when you're down, i don't reaally know what to say except hang in there, and keep trying.
You're stronger than you think you are. Be brave.

I'll be thinking of you and hope your situation improves. hugs.

harman, how come he is in the house? Have you spoken to a solicitor yet? Your living conditions sound impossible, even without all the emotional stuff, and you and the children should be in the house, not him.

If seeing a solicitor is too difficult or expensive or something could you go to the CAB and see what your legal position is? Surely it should be possible for you to get back in? (Or could you go back "with" him and then change the locks when he's out?)

If not, are there any housing associations where you are? I think they are a better source of housing these days. You are so overcrowded where you are surely you would be high priority?

You can probably tell from the number of question marks that I know sod-all about this but I wish I could help.

Please don't beat yourself up about the occasional cig! Hope you can find somewhere to live soon. Hugs.

Harman, you poor thing. These are my thoughts - I hope something is useful:

1. don't beat yourself up about the occasional cigarette (but don't overdo it obviously). It's more than understandable in your position IMO. I did the same thing when dd was in hospital.

2. Can anyone lend you enough money to cover 6 months of rent upfront? No-one will care about the housing ben if you can do that. Or can you find a guarantor? Some agents will be a bit more lenient if you can do that (and pay the deposit + 1 month's rent)

3. alternatively, have you tried phoning the council to ask which agents will deal with HB? There should be one at least.

4. are there any housing associations in the area you can go to first?

5. Is there anyone else in the family who would look after one of your kids for a week or two, just to give you a bit of breathing space?

I hope you find something to help anyway. All the best.

do you own the house between you?? is it in both your names (just thinking that if it is the case he may have no right to let you move as you may be entitled to stay, bearing in mind your predicament at the mo)...Hugs((((())))))to you
Baldrickxxx

I don't know what to add but I'm thinking of you. As kind as your brother is letting you live with them it will be hard on all concerned. If you haven't seen a solicitor yet then I think you need to. I agree that if the house is jointly owned and that you will be getting custody of the children then you should be able to live there.

I hope things get better soon.

I can't think of anything practical that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to send you my sincere sympathy and a hug.

I think Harman's main problem is that she left the house and her ex-p is willing to let her move back in - so technically she is not homeless.

Harman, ff there is no violence involved, could you not go back and then see a solicitor about where to go from here? I understand that the house is in joint names with a mortgage.

The law won't allow you to just chuck him out as it is his primary residence and he has done nothing (in the eyes of the law) to warrant removing him from it. It is feasible to go back and then change the locks when he is out. However, he could then apply to the courts for an order allowing him back in and you are no further forward. It might be that, once he was out, he might be persuaded that, for the sake of the children, it would be better for him to find somewhere else and to let you and the children stay there.

Do you have any other family around?

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Oh harman, no advice really but just loads of support. Have been in a similar situation and sending loads of hugs your way

Harman, loads of hugs to you.

I left my exh with my three children and there was no way he would move out. In 12 months we lived in three different houses (one in a very bad area) and he still wouldn't move out of a four bedroomed house to let us home till we went to court. If the hose is in joint names there is nothing that you can do, sorry. If you move back inadn change the locks he is within his rights to 'break and enter' as you would be if he did the same. Don't do back - it would be confusing for your children and a backward step for you. If you go to teh council you can refuse 2 properties so you may not end up in a bad area. I dont know about housing associations - I was lucky to be able to afford to rent privately (or lucky enought to go in debt by renting privately!!) - where do you live?

I know that you and the children will have low times but I have done this and come thru the other side and I now have a fantastic man and life. You are doing the best for you and your children and as other people have said, don't beat yourself up over the odd cig.

Hugs again lil xxxxxx

Harman, poor you. Sorry I can't help but thinking of you.

Lots of hugs, Harman!

Harman what a horrible situation. I have no useful ideas but just wanted to add my support and say am thinking of you xx

awful situation.. awful man to put you in it.
How about any women's aid places.. Maybe they can help? advice etc?

Harman, maybe a women's aid place is worth trying as Unicorn says. I know he was not physically violent but his behaviour certainly fits into the 'abuse' category as far as I am concerned, and more importantly, hopefully, as far as a refuge is concerned. I am sorry not to be of more help.

You poor thing, just read your thread and wish I could think of something new, I think all you can do is contact every organisation out there to get advice and help as Im sure you are doing, what about Citizens Advice, Health visitors, etc. Getting on the list for a council house might not be the worse thing in the world, a friend of mine was living with parents with her two ds's, all sleeping in the living room, after about a year they got a council house, not the best area, but not the worst, they are really happy now and doing great but she went through terrible depression at the time. Make sure you phone the authorities/solicitors etc all the time.....those who shout loudest and all that, but I know its not that easy when you have three kids to think of and one of the way. Good luck.

Harman. No advice but just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. xx

No advice here either, sorry, but I just want to wish you well, Harman.

H - have just read this too and know I'm pretty close to you location-wise if I can be of any help to you - even just to see a friendly face might be at least a distraction for a while?? Will catch up on the other thread and we can perhaps arrange something. How old are your kids?

Harman thinking of you - think womens aid organisations is agood step forward also make a fuss at council register anywhere youcan and see CAB and Soilicitor - keep positive for your children and yourself you can do it keep stronge and keep posting for support

Just keeping this active - you need LOTS of support!

harman, thinking of you. I wish I could think of something to say to make it better for you.

Are you on the council housing list? if not, this would be a safety net at least. Even if you don't want to move into a council property, it could help you get a housing association home - many HAs have to let properties to a proportion of people on the council waiting list. Housing Association properties can be IME nice places in reasonable areas. I don't know if that helps at all but hope upon hope that your dh sees sense somehow and moves out.

thinking of you harman stay strong xxxxxxx

hi harman, brilliant advice already. sorry you are in this situation