If you were pregnant with twins and miscarried one..

[poppiesinaline]

would you tell the remaining twin when they grew up that they would have been a twin? or not?

Nutcracker, I was nine weeks too when I lost the twin. Do you really think your nine year old is too young to know? You make me feel a bit careless. As I said before, my surviving twin is only 4 next month and would not understand yet if he was told, but his siblings all know about it and occasionally mention it. I didn't tell them at the time of the miscarriage but I think I told them before ds3 was one so they would have been about 7, 6 and 4 at the time. Obviously the younger one wouldn't have understood at the time, but as it is mentioned casually from time to time, I suppose her understanding grew gradually, as I presume ds3's understanding will also grow.

I wonder why it is no big deal for me to mention it but you have not yet told your dd? I don't mean anything by that, just genuinely wondering about it.

TBH it's just never come up until she said that she wished she was a twin.

I thought about telling her then, but thought she may be upset by it.

I am not sure if I will ever tell her tbh, not sure what good it would do, but then it's not bad thing either.

I have since been told that I simply can't carry twins as I have a womb abnormality and there just isn't room, so I don;t know wether I avoid it because it upsets me or what.

Sometimes the quicker you say something, the easier it is. My greatest dread on realising I was carrying twins and only one would survive (I knew both facts from 20 weeks)was telling relatives. I felt I was letting them down. Mad I know. I just know 11 years on that I'm happy it's in the open.

I think honesty always works best

Yes, absolutely- its aprt of your childs history and your own. Why not ell them?

Mum lost several of my brothers (well, all my brothers- 5- I ahve only sisters) through stillbirth (and 1 rubelal termination), she never told me until I was a teen. Obv not as essential as twins but still felt rather that a huge part of my family history (and a good explanation for Mums years of depression) ahd been hdden from me

My mum was a twin but one died quite lat ein in pregnancy (i think it was about 18/19 weeks she said) Shewas told but before she knew, she said she felt different to her otyher sisters (shes now one of 5) AND THAT THERE WAS PART OF HER MISSING.Sorry for caps.

i haven;t lost a twin but if my boys ever asked, i wouldtell them about my m/c

my younger sister was a twin and yes she is aware of it. I don't think there has ever been a "there;s something we need to tell you "kind of chat, its just something that has been mentioned over the years that she is now aware of.

I've just realised that what I wrote might worry some people. I honestly don't think it's made any difference to me, the comments my (d)h made is just because he's an a**e. I don't want any of you to think I'm saying your children might grow up with any problems.

Hope that makes sense

I lost my youngest child's twin when I was only a few weeks pregnant but he knew he had a brother right from the start. He seems okay now though, after several cranio osteopath appointments. And we will tell him more when he is older.I always knew my 3rd pregnancy would be twins. Wasn't to be though.

Aren't a surprisingly large number of singleton pregnancies sctually twin pregnancies where one is lost early on though? Lost early and the mother is none the wiser I mean. Do you think the surviving twin in those circumstances "knows"?

Yes.

I was one of twins and the other miscarried.I also had an older sister who died at a few days old and when I was about 3 my Mam had another miscarriage.I can't remember not knowing about any of these.

Sorry to hear about your baby.

Would tell when they grew up, not before. Had a friend whose mum made the whole family troop off once a year to visit the grave of her first child, who died as a baby, before the others were born. Maudlin and horrible for my friend - affected her relationship with her mother. Done in a matter of fact way, I can see it might work, but not in an anguished what a tragedy, you must wallow in it, way.

As both my DC were conceived thru IVF they were both twins at one point and in the case of DD she started out as a triplet. I don't know that I would ever want to tell them about that as the twins/triplet were miscarried very early on, certainly before 10 weeks. Would it not bring about some sadness to their lives to know they may have had a twin? I don't know, I will however tell them both when the time is right that they are both IVF babies.

yes of course - they shared the womb at some point and would have a sense of some kind of connection, however ill defined.

I was a twin but she died when she was 10 days old. I never knew anything or had any inner feelings about having been a twin. When I was older I found my wrist band (that you get in hospital when you are a baby) in the loft when I was having a nose and it said twin on it but I still didn't think anything of it. Then one Xmas lunch everyone was talking and commenting on my hair colour and my Gran said something about "she had nice hair" and the whole table went quiet. That and the wrist band made me wonder but again no-one told me anything. Mum told me when I got married as she wanted me to know in case I had twins. However, she twisted the truth about my twins death slightly so we are still in the situation where I know the truth but she doesn't know I know etc etc. Anyway...waffling on..this thread just made me think about this issue of twins and people telling offspring about it.