To tell or not to tell - help needed from tactful, kind, eloquent MNers please..............

[yorkshirelass79]

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If she's adamant about the hair thing, I think you have to just support her.

(From what I know, extensions have to be very very expensive indeed to not look crappy.)

Just say her hair is lovely the way it is & very natural. I know when my BIL was getting married he wanted to wear contacts, but his wife managed to talk him into wearing his glasses as that's what he looks like most days.. natural looking!!

Maybe if she asks your opinion just be honest that it will bring down the tone of her day?

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It might actually look lovely. I would just express your concerns and say that you are worried it might date the wedding pictures a little.

Iu would just say "You know I love you, right?.. well because of that I want you to look wonderful and have a fantastic day. Please don't think I'm trying to be mean and I sure they'd look good, I just think that maybe you'll live to regret the purple extensions... I think this would look fantastic though" - perhaps if you're a really good friend you could offer to buy it or something

I would go along the lines of "oh but you won't look like YOU then, when X sees you at the altar! Why don't you have your hair done like this instead?" and brandish conveniently placed hair magazine pic.

I had my hair and make up done for my wedding and it looked lovely but dh prefered it when it was all taken off as he said it didn't looked like me iyswim.

Well you would like to think that the hairdresser knows their job and makes her look wonderful for the day I suppose!

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I would say that the hair would look wrong, given that the rest of outfits are so traditional looking. Could you suggest a lovely veil/headdress instead? Say it matches the traditional look more.

I like the 'you won't look like you' line - think that's a bit gentler + very honest. Is there anything that you/mutual friend has done that's similar so you can make it sound more like personal experience 'I wish I hadn't worn deelyboppers iwth my wedding dress even though I though it a great idea at the time' style-y?
Could you suggest she talks to another hairdresser (ideally someone you know is very tactful/classy etc to get more opinions - perhaps someone you/a friend used and really recommend??
My only other suggestion is - would she take this better if she was slightl;y pissed?! I find I can be more honest with people when we're all 3 sheets to the wind - essentially becuase I find it easier to be soppy 'I blaady lurrve you you know, and 5 think you;re georgeous ... but ...."
Obviously could backfire horiibly, but if it does you can always blame the booze
Otherwise really tricky. Would like to think I'd be blunt, but suspect I wouldn't have the nerve - people get so determined about wedding stuff & suspect there's a danger of loosing a friend if you go about this the wrong way.

One word - Photographs!!!! If she hates them they will be there for ever. You can go too far with everything matching.

sit her down .. pour her a drink and say

"I love you .. but you're a mad old bat and I simply can't let you put purple streaks in your hair and ruin your day .. you will look like a punk .. your hair should not match your colour arrangement .. get a grip woman!"

Twig, that's the best idea. If she insists after that, then on her own head be it!

Suggest that it might all look a bit too contrived if everything matches.

I have to agree with Twiglett. Subtly obviously isn't working. If she is still admant after that you just have to respect the fact that it's her decision.

But, after it's all over and they live happily ever after, in 10 years time they'll have a bloody good laugh (in a nice way) at how cracker daft she looked.
Sometimes when I look at my wedding I do wish I'd been a bit less traditional and done something wierd and ultra fashionable. OK maybe not the purple hair extensions, but a strange dress or something. I could wear mine tomorrow and it would still look 'nice'.
So I guess I'm saying don't chance your friendship over it, say something in one of the many kind and girlfriendy ways suggested, but be there to laugh at the photos in 2012...