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Original poster

Mumsnet Wedding Planners required please

43 replies

lilibet · 27/05/2004 18:45

ok, I know you all love talking about your weddings and coming up with ideas for other peoples, so I need a few suggestions about mine. Nothing sorted at all yet, not got a big budget, and it's my second time. We are hoping for sometime early next year, maybe spring? I did the big traditional thing first time and now we would both like something different to that. I'm a christian but our vicar doesn't marry divorcees, so sunk there, but as my Dad died a few years back don't fancy the walk down the aise anyway ( I have no male relations). Not bothered about having a civil ceremony, God will be there with us anyway.
We found a lovely hotel in Buxton which is a special place for us and about 50 miles from where we live, but that would mean that everyone who we invited would have to fork out around £130 per couple just to attend and I know that an awful lot of our frinds/family couldn't afford that.
the other thing is who to invite, dp's family is quite large and very close, if we invitd just the 'core' you are talking in the 30/40 region, I however have a mum and three children (only child of only children!)so it would seem strange and one sided inviting just relations, but to invite my freinds and not his to even things up isn't really a nice thing to do.

All these thoughts and we are only breaking it to the children/ parents this weekend!!

OP posts:
Clayhead · 27/05/2004 18:47

Would they have to stay actually at that hotel? Buxton is full of accommodation, could the guests go somewhere cheaper?

Original poster
lilibet · 27/05/2004 18:48

now why didn't I think of that!!

OP posts:
Clayhead · 27/05/2004 18:51

Sorry, that sounded so short, baby puked on leg half way through.

My brother has the same issue, wedding in £200 (eeek) per night hotel. He's been to a few local B&Bs and got some rates sorted for his mates. For example, one has 10 rooms, normally £25 per person per night but he's booked all 10 and for £20 pppn. That means his guests will have the run of the place too.

jampot · 27/05/2004 18:55

Oooh Lillibet - dh and I got married 6 years ago in a church admittedly. both my parents had already died and I didn't fancy any other male relation stepping into the role so our daughter and I walked down together (she was my bridesmaid). For the reception we hired a french restaurant which was lovely (not too french) for the whole afternoon and evening and it was excellent, really laid back. Please can I organise yours?????

Original poster
lilibet · 27/05/2004 19:11

Jampot, my dd is desperate to be a bridesmaid (she's 15), trawling the internet looking for dresses (all baby pink!!)

OP posts:
Tinker · 27/05/2004 19:22

Hi lilibet! I am going to a wedding (only the evening do) in a hotel in Buxton soon - bet it's the same hotel. I can report back what it's like if you like.

Original poster
lilibet · 27/05/2004 20:30

Is it the Lee Wood? I fancy the look of the conservatory, but they have three rooms, if you're in a different one nip down and have a look for me please?

this is it

OP posts:
motherinferior · 27/05/2004 20:42

Lillibet, big hugs and congratulations. Never made it to the altar myself but if and when I do, my only advice is a drop dead gorgeous frock

I'm so pleased for you both, I really am.

Original poster
lilibet · 27/05/2004 20:46

Ta MI, saw what you put on another thread about me and tutb, I was quite touched, in fact it was you saying that that prompted me to come back after a few months of lurking - so its your fault when I fail my OU, don't tidy my house, neglect my children and tutb and so he calls the whole thing off

I've found a dress - I have my priorities right!!

I could post a link but tutb may see

OP posts:
ks · 27/05/2004 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Hulababy · 27/05/2004 21:12

One other idea of getting guests there and book is to hire a coach to ship them in and out, which may be a cheaper option. It does mean guests arriving and leaving at same time, but I have heard of it being done loads more recently.

eddm · 27/05/2004 21:13

Hope you have a lovely day. Sigh... wish I could have my wedding day all over again...
Understand your dilemma about who to invite (remember just how tortuous that is) but the most important thing is: who do you actually want there? If you don't want a big do, you are just going to have to bite the bullet and tell dh's family that you want to keep it quiet (can use the excuse of it being a second marriage even if that's not the reason you want to keep it quiet, IYSWIM). As for not having equal numbers of family members on each side, if you aren't having a church wedding doesn't that free things up a bit? You've got forty-four people if you invite the 'core' of dp's family and yours, you could divvy up any remaining places between you ? say five of his closest friends and five of yours. Or just your very closest mutual friends. I hope if you explain that you don't want too much fuss people will understand...
We were very lucky, many of dh's relatives are Jehovah's Witnesses who 'didn't feel able to attend the style of ceremony you are choosing' so we could invite loads of our friends instead!

jampot · 27/05/2004 23:47

Lilibet - Monsoon do some lovely dresses esp. for 15 yo. My dd's was from Laura Ashley.

Fio2 · 28/05/2004 07:20

lillibet, congratulations you both sound like a lovely couple and I am so happy for you!

I would just do what you want. We had a civil ceremony and just had a table of champagne outside the place after and everyone toasted the wedding, had photos and then people went off in their induvidual groups for food if they wished or home and we went on our honeymoon (to york for a few day!) It was all we could afford but people came to wish us well. The only thing I may suggest if that if it is that important for you both for your families to come to try and have it closer to your home? Otherwise if you want to keep it very small I would go with what you both want yourself. This is most probably making no sense! Hope it all goes well anyway Buxton is lovely

littlemissbossy · 28/05/2004 08:47

Hi lillibet and congratulations We got married in a hotel (castle-type thing) in Scotland (WITH Vicar!) - yes Madonna got the idea from us with 40ish guests close family and friends only - no cousins, etc that you haven't seen for years!! I too have a large family so the guest list for a local wedding would have been enormous. We expected our guests to drive 4 hours and then gave them the option of staying in the wedding hotel approx £150-£200 a night or a local b&b (we stayed here ourselves once just to check it out). Most people stayed in the hotel and for those that didn't we pre-booked them a taxi for the end of the evening. I was worried what everyone would say to travelling such a distance, but all our guests loved it!

popsycal · 28/05/2004 08:53

Congratulations!

My dress was actually a cream bridemaid's dress and I loved it - was at least a quarter of the price of the rest of the dressed I saw! Wanted something plain and simple but it was beautiful - worth looking into!

We got married in a registry office - luckily, our registry office is on the banks of the river and was picturesque with a park nearby for photos if needed. The building itself was quite pretty and the wedding room had been newly refurbished and was beautifully decorated with flowers, etc. You could either walk down the aisle (which I did) and you and DP could meet together at the front.

After the wedding, about 40 of us went to a local italian restaurant and had their early bird 3 course special (£4.25 a head!!) and then we paid for a limited number of drinks.

Then we all went out and got drunk on an evening (aoart from my parents who kindly had DS for us). A kind friend paid for us to stay in a hotel overnight.

Then the 3 of us went on a cheapy package holiday!

Wouldn't have changed it for the world!

popsycal · 28/05/2004 09:01

"You could either walk down the aisle (which I did) and you and DP could meet together at the front.
"
should say:
"You could either walk down the aisle (which I did) OR you and DP could meet together at the front."

katzguk · 28/05/2004 09:15

if your planning buxton for the reception, am i right in thnking that sheffield is only 25-30mins away, the sheffield registry office is now next door to the winter gardens which could make a beautiufl back drop to your wedding photos. could then coach everyone out to buxton for the do

Northerner · 28/05/2004 09:35

Sheffield near Buxton?! o)

serenequeen · 28/05/2004 13:33

congratulations! i'm so pleased for you. your husband to be has posted here before hasn't he? he sounds lovely. good luck to you both, you deserve every happiness.

secur · 28/05/2004 13:40

Message withdrawn

oliveoil · 28/05/2004 13:43

What about Macclesfield or surrounding, is there anywhere there cheaper? I think that is near Buxton (I used to live in Offerton, nr Hazel Grove).

Also, I wouldn't think of £130 per couple as expensive, especially as they will have a lot of notice.

Original poster
lilibet · 28/05/2004 16:08

Thanks for all your suggestions. The coach isn't a practical idea as Buxton may only be about 50/60 miles away but its a very bad route from Wigan and would take around 2 hours. Dp and I have stayed at a nice much cheaper b&b in Buxton which I would be very happy recommending to people and would contact about the discount - good idea!

Those of you who have had civil ceremonies, what sort of things did you do to make yours special? I've only ever been to one and it was very short and a bit official - I'm not saying that I want to stand there coming out with all sorts of soppy mush in front of everyone but what have other people done?

OP posts:
Northerner · 28/05/2004 16:13

Hi Lillibet. I used to be a wedding planner and stood in on many civil ceremonies, and I had one myself. If you choose not to add any music or readings then it is pretty short.

You can have music but it's not allowed to have any religious connotations at all. We had 2 readings at ours and everone commented on what a lovely service it was.

eddm · 28/05/2004 16:14

You might be surprised about the civil ceremony, I'd always thought they were a bit brusque but actually found the civil bit of our wedding very emotional (although that could have been because dh had been in a car crash the night before and I didn't believe he was OK until I'd seen him!).
I imagine the registrar would be OK about having someone do a reading for you, and you can use music for the entrance and exit, just not hymns.