Wedding etiquette - who pays?

[roisin]

My boys are being page boys/ushers at my bro's wedding in July. I had assumed we were paying, and we've budgeted for this. .. We haven't had formal photos done of the boys, and don't spend a lot on clothes, so it seems like an ideal opportunity to get them dressed up and get some lovely pictures done, and we don't mind at all paying for them.

But today sil2b told me that they are paying for the boys' suits. My question is what's the standard etiquette, and how loudly should we protest?

I don't really mind at all, and we'll simply spend the money on buying them a bigger prezzie, but just want to make sure I'm on the right side of etiquette. What do you think?

(Btw they are absolutely loaded, and we are absolutely not But we had budgetted for it, and are quite willing/able to pay).

i paid for my sisters' and niece's dresses at our wedding last summer....
they didn't say a word....

we are not loaded and we were paying for the entire thing ourselves.

If they've said they'll pay and it has always been their intention to do so, let them !!! I think it is swings and roundabouts where attendant outfits are conceerned, I believe that quite a few bridesmaid etc have to pay for their own outfits or at least their own accesories. I would never have felt comfortable asking someone to be my attendant and then telling them that they had to fund it themselves !! If we couldn't afford to kit them out then we just wouldn't have them , or we'd have less !

I would like to apoligise profusely for the SHOCKING grammar, punctuation AND spelling in my last post !!!

APOLOGISE !!!!

roisin, I paid for my niece's bridesmaid dress- I think in general the bride would pay, as she gets to chose the outfit (or the bride's parents- I mean whoever is footing the bill for the bride's dress!).

NDP- it never occurred to me that anyone would expect their bridesmaids to pay for their own dress- after all, they usually get no say on the colur or even style of the dress, and they can be really expensive.

My friends two little girls have just been bridesmaids and they went 50/50. I think roisin, its whatever these days, but I do think that the bride and groom should offer to pay, if they have asked for the pageboys / bridesmaids. That said, if it were my children and I was able, I would offer to cover the cost

So, no help there then, think I shall shut up and go away!

Thank you all - this is really helpful. I think I will phone and protest, but if she's insistent I'll let them pay, and we'll get them a bigger present.

my mum gets married this saturday and she's paided for all the birdesmaids (3) dresses / shoes etc.

i am paying towards my BIl's wedding - buying the cake and a few bits and bobs but thats becuase we offered and they are really on the breadline. however, if in your case they want to pay and they have the money - let them. if you want to get invovled in anything to do with the organisation of the wedding - ask if you can take anything off her hands - like phoning the church or the florists -
this way you will be helping - maybe not in monetary terms, but in a way they will appreciate.

I think that if they are loaded then they won't mind in the slightest, (and will probably feel guilty for asking you if you fork out lots of money on their account!)
I wouldn't protest really, just say that you had budgeted for it so it's a nice surprize now

i think it's fine if they want to pay - do you know what they are going to have to wear?? it's pretty normal etiquette as others say these days, because attendants so often end up with an outfit they would never have chosen themselves! i would say that my base assumption would be that the couple (or their parents) would pay, but that it would be all right if they asked you to chip in, provided they then gave you a veto on the outfit. sorry what a long post, saying exactly what everyone else has...