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Original poster

I had a really upsetting experience today

21 replies

carlyb · 26/05/2004 19:33

I had an nightmare today. Took ds (20 months) to the seaside. Met up with some other mums and their children for the first time.
It was all going really well and then ds ran off. I ran after him - a bit too late and slowly - because he reached the childrens paddling pool before me. it is about 2 foot deep and full of sea water.
He must not have realised that it was water because he ran straight into it and fell forwards. When I got to him he had sank like a brick. He didnt even struggle just sank. I jumped in and fished him out. He was ok - just a bit shocked. He cried for ages and I had to leave because me and ds were obviously soaked.

I am now playing the 'what if' game. I have never been out with other mums before and was so pleased to have adult company - now I am thinking what if I was so engrossed in conversation that I had got to him too late. I know this is silly as he was in the water for 1 second - but I will never forget the image of him laying there. I have not stopped crying since - it is a nightmare. I feel so stupid.
sorry to droan on - just had a bad day.

OP posts:

mothernature · 26/05/2004 19:38

carlyb dont beat yourself up about this, its just one of those things that could have happened to anyone of us, I'm sure it's not likly to happen again, don't stop going out with other adults you need the company of them for sanity's sake, toddlers often do the most unexpected things at the most unexpected times, life lesson learned I'm sure.

Cheer up he's still there with you, he's ok, he's safe. Pick yourself up dust yourself down and start all over again tommorow.... hope you feel better soon xx

maomao · 26/05/2004 19:45

Oh carlyb, poor you and ds! It must have been a shock for both of you. Please don't let it get you so down --- you DID reach him in time, he wasn't in the water long at all. Hope tomorrow is better for you. Hugs.

Piffleoffagus · 26/05/2004 19:56

what an awful thing, not your fault, next time he will know and you will be able to chatter in harmony and safety.
Big hugs xx

islandgirl · 26/05/2004 19:58

you poor thing. I'm sure lots of us are guilty of 'chatting', and taking our mind off them for a second, which is all it takes! do still go and meet other mums, and try not to worry too much.

roisin · 26/05/2004 20:26

Carlyb - this must have been a terrible shock to you. It is scary how quickly a tragic accident can happen.

I can sympathise completely. My ds2 is just 5, and actually a good swimmer, and I feel quite relaxed at the baths. But a couple of weeks ago he was in fairly shallow water on the 'beach area', fell over backwards and hit his head, and a wave washed over him. Your post immediately reminded me of that image of him lying on the bottom of the pool flat on his back under the water, utterly helpless. I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't been close enough to fish him straight out.

coppertop · 26/05/2004 20:35

Carlyb - Sorry to hear you had such a bad day. If it's any consolation, my ds1 did something similar at the age of about 18mths. He had my complete udivided attention but just ran. He opened a so-called child-proof gate and jumped straight into the paddling pool. He landed on his feet and just walked straight back out at the other end. This was at our local park.

Try not to blame yourself. They move so fast at that age that you probably wouldn't have been able to stop him even if you were alone.

Tessiebear · 26/05/2004 20:38

Oh poor you carly. I have got 2 DS's 6&3 and i have had a few similar experiences. My sister still recalls a day when i lost DS1 aged 2 at the time, in Mothercare world. She said i was just doing laps of the shop screaming his name. He was only missing 3 minutes and when i found him i held him and sobbed. In those three minutes i had imagined he had left the store & been abducted by a paedophile. I saw myself giving one of those hopeless emotional appeals on the news... it was terrible. I have frequent days out with mums and kids and i have devoloped the knack of talking to the mums whilst watching my DS's every move. It is the only way i can get peace of mind. Hope this helps a bit

serenequeen · 26/05/2004 20:41

oh how upsetting! you did get to him in time, which proves you were paying enough attention. agree with mothernature - tomorrow is another day. try not dwell on it.

WideWebWitch · 26/05/2004 20:41

Carlyb, please don't be so hard on yourself. He's fine, that's the main thing. Poor you, sounds horrible though. Keep seeing other adults though, definitely!

Tommy · 26/05/2004 20:46

Ditto what everyone else has said! There but for the grace of God and all that... DS2 fell backwards in the bath the other day and for a split second, I could see him looking up in complete panic from under the water. It made me cry. It happens.
Keep meeting up with other Mums - hope you got some support from them too

Tissy · 26/05/2004 20:49

Tommy, that happened to me a few weeks ago, and dh found me and dd sitting naked in a pool of water on the bathroom floor, clinging together and sobbing our hearts out!

Hulababy · 26/05/2004 20:52

(((hugs))) carly. I can really sympathise. But you did get there in time and you weren't too engrossed.

I lost DD the other month - she was about 1 and 3/4 years old at the time - ina shop, and probably for no longer than 1 minute but I paniced, and when she was brought back tp me I couldn't stop shaking and was physically sick. It was horrid and I did all the what ifs. But coming and posting on Mn that night made me realise I wasn't alone and sadly these incidents really do happen to us all at some time or other.

Have a drink, relax and put your feet up. Take care

twogorgeousboys · 26/05/2004 20:56

Sending big hug to you Carlyb. I think most Mum's have had that "what if" moment or moments. You've had a big shock and probably need to cry to let it out. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

marthamoo · 26/05/2004 21:00

We all do that "what if" thing - it's completely normal and part of the coping mechanism I think. Ds1 has fallen down the stairs (top to bottom) and disappeared (he was actually hiding but I did the "hit by a car/abducted by paedophile/walking along nearby train track "thing in my mind) out of his grandparents' garden. Ds2 fell and split his head open on a coffee table and I did the whole "it could have been his eye/brain damage/fractured skull" thing too.

One of my friends was at her brother's wedding reception, chatting away, when her husband suddenly ran across the room and yanked their three year old daughter off the window she was hanging out of (she was hidden by voile curtains). They were on the 4th floor of a hotel. Even though she was fine, my friend said it was days before she stopped re-playing it in her head and bursting into tear at what might have been.

Don't beat yourself up: we've all done it.

Original poster

carlyb · 26/05/2004 21:30

Thanks so much for your responses everyone. I feel much better now. I think I was in a bit of shock - but am starting to feel a bit normal. Some of your stories made me feel better! It is so nice to come on here and always recieve such good support. thanks x x

OP posts:

Angeliz · 26/05/2004 21:35

Not really in the same league, but in a pet store today, dd (aged 3), was walking behind this woman and got distracted, the next thib i knew she was pulling the back pockets of this womans jeans and trying to swing as she thought it was me!!!!!!
The look on the womans face was priceless, dd was VERY embarrassed and cried and i was just overcome with hysteria!!!!
It really was funny!!!

Anyway carlyb hope you're better now++++

Paula71 · 26/05/2004 22:11

Carlyb, it is that heart in throat moment that stays with you! Of course you have had a huge fright and will probably remember this longer than your ds does!

I speak from experience, last summer ds twins (then aged 18 months) were being bathed by DH. He stupidly went into their bedroom for something. I was tidying up downstairs when I heard this noise, I could feel inside it was something awful. When I raced upstairs ds twin1 was underwater, eyes wide with fright. Luckily he had held his breath so all we had to deal with was the terror of it all.

Needless to say DH was yelled at, screamed at and ignored for a week I was so mad! Within minutes of it happening ds twin1 was wanting back into the bath to play with his brother! I still get chills thinking about it and, believe me, DH never leaves them!

You are not stupid. It is why these things are called accidents. I sometimes think we are given extra guilt with all the info we are given when pregnant etc. The emphasis is on, here are how accidents happen, if you let them happen knowing this you are an idiot. No, accidents sometimes happen no matter what.

Just to confirm how bad as parents we are ds twin2, not to be outdone, fell down the stairs that summer as well! Despite the stair gates. (He was unharmed and the hospital doctor said - to comfort me I think - not to worry, babies bounce!) Waaaa!

koo · 26/05/2004 22:40

Carly, my eldest is a really good swimmer but my dh had to rescue him from drowning last year.

We hadn't checked the minimum depth of the pool and it was over his head even in the shallow end (very old pool). He swam happily for ages and then just ran out of steam. There was no way he could get a footing and he quietly slipped under.

What was I doing? Chatting.

It is a good lesson to learn early on - you need eyes in the back of your head.

mummytojames · 26/05/2004 22:46

carly it was just a accident i know its hard but dont beat yourslef up about it its not your fault and it could have happened anywhere please dont stop going out you need adult convo for your own sanity as well as you little ones

Clarinet60 · 28/05/2004 17:39

Ditto here, but a road this time. I was chatting in a friend's house and none of us had realised that the front door had been opened. 2 year old slipped out, I hadn't even noticed he'd gone, but went into the kitchen to fetch something and saw him heading up the path towards the road. I was just in time to stop him, but only by about 2 seconds. So don't feel too bad Carlyb, you're not alone.

nightowl · 29/05/2004 02:00

oh carly...terrible. i know how you felt aswell. im usually such a careful person but i lost ds when he was four. we were on holiday, at the fairground in the arcade. ds was with my then bf and i was playing on a penny machine the other end of the arcade. bf and ds walked over, spoke to me and trooped off again. five mins later bf comes back without ds. i asked where he was, he said "i left him with you" i said "no, he went back off with you" all of a sudden i was running around outside screaming his name absolutely hysterical. i remember thinking "OMG...this is a fair...he could be ANYWHERE by now...im never going to find him". luckily he was found about 2ft from where boyfriend had been, sitting in one of those covered car driving games. (if id stopped to think, i would have looked there first because he loved them) it shook me up though...for a long time...and i gave bf such a mouthful even though it wasnt really anyone's fault. awful.

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