Milkybarkid - are you around?

[roisin]

I just thought of you today - this thread reminded me. I wondered if you still check in here occasionally ...? I hope things are going well for you with your baby son. Have you found it has dredged up some painful memories for you, or not?

Hi roisin, decided to shorten name. Thanks for thinking of me.

Not painful memories, but memories did come back. I must admit, I also think of this baby as my first, whether its because its easier (less painful), or because it saves telling everyone about the adopted one and being judged by them or just because I find it hard to believe I did such a thing and therefore it feels like I didnt do it and it instead it happened to someone else.

I never did tell any of the professionals although I'm sure they must have known by examining me and now I wish I had told them as although i am not upset about the adoption any more I would like someone to know. with regards registering the birth I never mentioned it to the registrar, I'm afraid if I tell the health visitor now, she will tell me to correct the record at the register office.

I am so pleased you are still on here mbk, and that things are going well for you. It's fantastic after all you've been through that you've now got a happy little family. I can't remember back to 4 month olds ... hope you're enjoying it.

I know what you mean about it being easier not to have to explain it to everybody. You will probably find that in time the pain eases somewhat, and it does feel easier to talk about it. I've told my boys that they have an older brother somewhere - they're only 5 and 6, and they don't really understand - but I want them to feel that they've "always known" so that if 'ds really 1' ever does come looking for me it won't be a big shock to them. But you're obviously not at that stage yet.

Tbh I can't imagine the HV will think about the registrar's, even if you mention it. (I am 99% certain that dh did not have to mention my first son when registering the birth anyway ... he went by himself, and would have had to check details with me, as he wouldn't have known the details. I'm sure he would have told me too.)

Do you get on with your HV? If so, I would consider telling her now if you think it would help you for someone to know. My HV was lovely - really supportive to me - and I would feel comfortable telling her anything. But not all are like that.

Roisin

Hi Roisin and MBK
Your post has really touched me. My mum had a baby adopted 37 years ago and like you both have said found the whole secretive thing difficult. I found out that I had a sister when i was 13 (I am 30 now) but TBH didn't really think too much of it, it was as though it hadn't happened and carried on with life. Our story does have a very happy ending as 3 years ago my sister traced my mum and it was a real success story. At first I was really wary about meeting her, it felt so surreal. my mum met her first and of course there were lots of tears. Mum had a picture of my sister and it was so strange and she was the spitting image of my mum, I warmed to her straight away. We met and got on like a house on fire. We are constantly on the phone and she comes to stay and I go to stay with her. She was even at my wedding which was lovely. I am lucky as not only have I gained a sister, I have gained a great friend too.
I hope you don't mind me sharing my story with you!

Thank you so much for sharing that story Blossomhill - that's wonderful, and a real encouragement to me. So often reunions of adopted children don't actually have the "happily ever after" ending. I hope and dream that one day my firstborn will choose to get in touch, and that my boys will speak as warmly about him as you do now about your sister.

I am really glad that you found it encouraging Roisin. I can really sympathise as I know what my poor mum went through. Blossomhillx