Calling All Mums with 2 or more Children Under 5

[twogorgeousboys]

I know this won't be an exact science, but I wondered if all you lovely Mumsnetters could help me with my own mini survey.

If you have 2 (or more) children under 5 (so probably not in full time school yet), do you go out to work (full or part time) or are you a Stay At Home Mum?

The reason I am asking is because I keep getting the feeling that my DH thinks I shouldn't be just a SAHM, I should be back at my job too. He doesn't say anything specific, but definitely gives off "signals" every now and again IYKWIM.

I'm feeling pretty inadequate at the moment, but I just know that being nearly 40, with a 3 year old and an 11 month old, I just couldn't hack going back to work as well at the moment, even part time.

We could do with the extra money obviously, but we're managing on one salary, and if I did go back now, childcare costs would render it a bit pointless.

So, would like to hear from as many of you as possible to get an overview. If you do go out to work, how many days a week. If you are a SAHM with your little brood, what are your thoughts about when would be a sensible time to go back into paid employment?

I haven't read the other responses, but I am a working mother with a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I am supposed to work 4 days a week, but often work 5. I have been doing this since my ds was 11mo. old and after 5 months maternity leave after having my dd, I went straight back to work. I LOVE my job and work because I enjoy it. It is a welcome break from family life and i'm sure much easier and more restful than being a SAHM. By the time I've paid for childcare it really doesn't pay to work, so it's really only for my sanity and enjoyment.
If your dh wants you to go back to work, it might be worth considering it, at least part time or temporarily. You might find that it's just the break you need and that you will feel far more adequate.

I have 2 DDs, one is just over 2 yo and the other is 5 months. I am working 3 days a week. I don't make much money after you subtract what I pay for nanny and cleaner, etc. DH says that it doesn't matter how much I bring home because I would probably want to pay someone to give me a job so that I wouldn't have to be a SAHM without help. What he says is a bit insulting, but there's some truth to it because I think I'm just not the type to be a SAHM. I haven't the patience for it. I found myself getting a bit depressed while I was home watching DD1. We don't live near any family or anyone to help out, so until I went back to work and got a nanny, I was never apart from DD1. I think that if your personality is suited for a SAHM, then that's great, but it's not for everybody. I don't think it's really an issue about money, although I do think that DH appreciates the extra dodge. Lately, I've been a bit stressed about work, and the thought of being a SAHM is really appealing. So even though I think I'm doing what suits me, it still isn't easy. Sorry to ramble! Good luck in your decision.

Just thought I'd bump this in case anyone else would like to contribute.

I have 3 under 3 - we both work 4 days per week in fairly well paid jobs. One child goes to childminder 1 day per week, while grandparents look after the younger 2. We share the rest of the childcare between us. If we had to pay for more childcare it would not be cost effective to work.

I personally would not cope being at home all day everyday with my lot - work is a total time out from parenting and I think makes me a better parent (I hope !)

I have a girl of 5 and a boy of 4, and my dh is always going on about me going back to work so i know exactly how you feel. I am at this moment filling out an application form, lol. Although my kids are abit older than yours i have one at school and my ds goes in september. I personally feel i would like to go back to work as i haven't worked in over 6-7 years, so abit daunting really. But another part of me wants to be at home for the kids. But financially I need to go back as dh wants a career change and its not as much money as he's getting now. I hope you find a solution. But do whats right for you don't get bullied into going back if you don't want to at this time. Cause they are only little once.

I have a 5 yr old (just) and a 2 yr old. I went back f/t after ds1 and 4 days a week after ds2. However last year I was made redundant and have been SAHM for 1 year.

I am sooooo much less stressed these days - ds1 is in school and I am around to take him to his swimming class etc, play at friends, have friend here, go to harvest festival, carol sevice etc etc at school.
Ds2 is in nursey 2 days a week , so I do housework shopping, haircuts ME time, etc when they are both out of the way.

dh works long erratic hours - sometimes works away, so can't be relied on to help out. He agrees that our quality of live has improved since I stopped work - weekends are fun, not a rush to catch up on chores, and he doesn't get nagged nearly so much.

I do miss the buzz of the corporate life, but I don't miss the stress. I couldn't have stood being stuck at home with 2 small kids when they were babies, but now I have a nice life as a SAHM.
I am not planning to return to work ever - I've done 20 years (older mum) and that's enough

thanks once again for all your messages.

I know for sure that i don't want to go back to work at the moment. When they're both at school I will.

A friend of mine who is also an early years primary teacher said she's spent a long time looking after other people's children and now, while her children are little she wants to concentrate on her own. I think this is the way I feel too. If we can manage without the money for a while, then I'm staying at home and developing a thicker skin when dh has a moan.

My career prior to teaching was PR (gave up big fat salary to do something which I felt was more worthwhile). If I was still a PR person, then my salary would probably make going out to work viable, but the teaching won't. Plus, much as I love 'em, a class of 5 year olds isn't necessarily a sanity break from two little ones at home!

Thanks Mumsnetters, you've helped me think things through!

Hi there

8months and 2.5yrs.

Stuff DH! I have to work 3 days, and that's not to fund extras - it pays the mortgage. We are genuinely hard up. But my husband doesn't want to do full-time, and likes doing childcare. I LOVE BEING A MUMMY and long to do full-time mummying, it does get me down. The upside is we share the care - I am no way into any form of substitute parenting. I amd probably going to try and drop a day in July and go to 2 days per week which will certainly make life very tricky moneywise but I feel my children deserve the best and that is me!!! Tho hubbie is great stay-at -home dad on his days and brings them to meet me at lunch.
Your hubbie might be keen on extra money but you have done your kids (in my view) far more than any extra cash could ever ever do for them by being there. You're doing the very best job in the world. I am also nearly 40 (38 this year!) and I think the best work I do is at home talking and playing with my children. My dad was a freelance cartoonist, my mum a stay at home mum (my sister was severly handicapped) and I thnik having them around was a massive gift in my life)

Stick to your guns.

Jxxxxxx

ps

like you, my job is good, and i am also someone with a strong academic background (ma), but give me the intellectual challenge that equals develpoing the minds and hearts of two little children.

Jxxxx

Havnt read whole thread but got the jist.

23 months and 8 months

Been stay at home mum since first DD born but am going back full time next week. Two days in office and rest at home. Like you the childcare costs are an issue so i will mainly work at night ( and try and stay of mn) plus Dp will work everyother weekend so he has days off in the week and i will have a nanny for 3 days as cheaper than two in nursery.

Im returning to work as i need some money of my own and so i cna contribute to the household bills even if it is only the food it will help DP. Plus i need some proper adult communication (gossip)

DS1 5 autistic - in school part time

Ds2 2 NT- goes to nursery twice a week

No way could I go to work as well (or at least if I did no way could dh) DS1 can't do after school clubs or holiday clubs, most afternoons he either needs to be dropped at nursery or is at home. next week is his last week at nursery so then he will be home with me 3 afternoons a week.

We need cash though so I've started doing a few things at home (one with another mumsentter which is fun ). When he's in school more I'll have more time and will be able to do more, but will always be available to do school runs.

I have DS3 and DD 1 and work 3 days a week, also teaching. I'm currently expecting and this time will become full time mum. I stayed at home a lot longer with DD and enjoyed it more than I expected, I have also enjoyed working less since I had 2 (i can't commit time to marking, preparation etc)so hopefully this will work out best all round.

Just found this 2gB!
I'm a SAHM of 3 kids under 5 - dd1 is 4+4months, ds is 2+4months and dd2 is 6 months tomorrow. There is no way I have the time or the energy to go out to work - I have a full time job at home, and am lucky enough also to get a childminder a daya week (dh was very insistent about this - says I need a day off, which of course I do!!)

I'm not sure if/when I will go back to work. We are pretty much planning to pack up and go of to live overseas in the developing world where I would want to do informal education work with women, so basically that would involve being a SAHM and meeting up with people, pretty much what I do now! If we did stay in this country than I think I would probably stay at home until dd2 went to school. They are only little for such a short time and as we are lucky enough to be able to afford for me not to work outside the home, then I think I should take advantage of that.

I do do other things. Like I am an exam marker (I'm a teacher so I find it good to keep my hand in with my subject), I do crafty stuff and we have 2 self catering holiday properties which are my responsibility, aminly the admin and some cleaning on a Sat. I'm training to be a bfc and learning spanish (I make good use of my day off!)

But I wouldn't like to be spending all day in a classroom if I don't have to. Dh likes working full time so good on him. He's only keeping me in the manner to which I have become accustomed!!

tgb, am a SAHM of 2, 9 months and 29 months.

I'm glad I have the luxury of choice to be able to do what I do. I will go back to work at some point in the future but not sure when. Busy with dd, ds and supporting dh with career & exams at the moment. My mum stayed at home with us and then had a rewarding and exciting career after we had gone to school, she is now in her mid 50s and in a senior role so I guess I use that as a role model.