Leaving care - advice wanted from foster parents and care leavers

[CheeryGarciaFollowsTheStar]

Here's the situation - I have a 20 year old son whose 18 year old gf has recently left care. They've been going out together for the past 2 years and she has spent a lot of time in my home during that time.
She was taken into care at 8 and has had a number of placements so there's no bond with any of her foster parents, nor with her birth family, except a younger (16 year old) sister who lives nearby.
She received practical support on leaving care to help her find somewhere to live and, as she wanted to stay at college, to sort out her finances, and she has a key worker for the next couple of years (although the key worker is attached to an area some 50 odd miles away so contact is very limited). She moved in to her flat in August, with a lot of financial and emotional support from me/ds/dp. Since then I have continued to see a lot of her and I am the first person she rings when she needs help or advice. She has found leaving care and having to be totally independent a very big change to deal with and not what she was expecting, nor what she was prepared for, and there have been some really complicated bureaucratic things to deal with around benefits and college (this is a whole other subject so I'll save you the rant!).
My concern is that she is very dependent on me and ds and has no real relationship with anyone outside my family, although she is beginning to become a bit more independent as the months go by, and I am doing what I can to encourage her to make friends at college and spread her wings a bit.
I'd welcome any advice from those with experience of fostering, and particularly from those who have been in care, on how to best support this lovely girl to become a confident young woman.
Thanks!

I have no advice to offer, sorry.

I just want to say how kind & caring you have been to this child. You are a saint to help her & care for her this way.

Good Luck to all of you x

DH works with children in care, and he says that she will have contact with the Leaving Care team until she is 21. The key worker will be part of that team. He suggests that you contact the key worker and make him/her aware that this girl is becoming reliant on you, and that she needs more support from them. At the end of the day, they are getting paid to support her, and they have a responsibility for her until she is 21.

If she's getting support from you she will probably not be ringing the key worker herself, so it might be an idea to back off a little, if you can. Her college welfare team will also probably know about her (I used to work in a university welfare office and we knew about most students who had recently left care), so you could suggest that she talks to them for financial or college-related advice.

Hope this helps.

Thanks to you both.

Yes, BadHair, she does have a key worker with the leaving care team, who I have met, and I think they have largely left her alone because she's been getting support from me - they have a huge case load and C (let's call her that!) is probably one of their least vulnerable clients, as long as I'm there! The leaving care team are also based in one of the London Boroughs and we are on the south coast so contact is limited. I am planning on having a chat with her key worker next week when she's back in the office.

A bit of backing off is probably in order and it's also really hard to do when I have little confidence in the alternative sources of support (the leaving care team have cocked up a number of things in the past couple of months so C lost out on a couple of grants she was entitled to; the college welfare team have been fine). C clearly sees me as the closest thing to a mum she's ever had, and emotionally she is really very young, and she also has a tendency to give up at the first hurdle, so getting the balance right is a bit tricky. And, I am really very fond of her, indeed.

Messy eh?!

I have gone through "the through care system" i left foster care at 16 and set up my own flat etc and i was at college, i must admit i was a bit of a loner when it came to making friends, i prefer my own company. I'm 25 now and still prefer my own company. Only contact i had was with my dp's family his mum,dad and sister. It sounds to me as if she has built a lot of trust on you (i trusted no one at this age) i applaud you in that you have taken time and effort to be a friend to your sons gf. Emotional problems spring to mind as do many former foster children have like myself!

Thanks Kidstrak. Yes, C has placed a lot of trust in me and it's been wonderful to watch her open up and relax in the couple of years I've known her. There are all sorts of emotional issues that she will definately need to come to terms with, which is why I decided to ask on MN - I am keen to do what's right for her, not just at the moment but in the longer term as well.

Her key worker (personal advisor) has a duty to befriend and assist this usually involves keeping in touch with her and to help sort out housing , benefits etc. with her. This is usually done through weekly or monthly phone calls depending on her situation, she is lucky to have you to help provide some support there are a number of websites such a \link{http://www.careleavers.com/careleavers>

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