I'm so hurt by Best Friend

[Sunlounger]

I used to see her a lot before baby now hardly ever - she knows I've been feeling isolated and lonely (moved to new area recently near her) since baby - anyway last week my DH went out to meet her DP for a boys night (they play darts) out in a pub 10 mins from our house - he got there and she'd gone along too with her DP and stayed there all night with them! I'm so hurt, she knows I can't get out much and could have popped in to see me - but she did not even bother to text me or phone before or after, and DH came back suprised that she was there, he certainly did not enjoy his 'lads' night. Is she selfish or what!!

Maybe just thoughtless. Does she really know you feel isolated etc? Pre-kids I would nearly always have chosen a night at the pub rather than staying in with a friend with a baby. Maybe a bit of a heart to heart is required?

What about arranging for dh to stay in with the baby while you and your friend get to spend some child-free time together? You may even get the chance to meet some new people so that you won't feel so isolated.

Message withdrawn

Having a baby changes a lot of friendships. I've found it easier to accept that, rather than fight it. And like Tinker said, she may not appreciate the isolation you're experiencing. She may think, "Oh, smug new mother!" (wrongly , of course).

When I first moved to London from the US, I thought my dh's best friend and his wife would make lots of efforts to get together with us, as we would have done if they'd moved to NYC. But they didn't, and I was completely alone for 6 months. Sometimes friends' reactions to your moving or having a baby can tell you a lot about what kinds of people those friends are. She may not be as good a friend as you thought, and you may just have to accept that.

Most likely, though, she needs a little time to get used to the new situation. Maybe it's worth asking her directly why she's avoiding you. She may have some feelings of anger or resentment that may not even be logical but which she might need to express. Good luck.

I find that i have certain friends without children who just dont appreciate how you feel with kids - ie the solation etc You really need to spell it out to them. I had a friend just like yours. You should have a talk and let her know how you felt the other night. It might be a make or break with your friendship - but if she is any kind of friend she will understand and change

Thanks for messages, I've tried to talk to her in the past about this as something similar happened when I was pregnant, but she just says I'm having a go at her, so I can't win really. I feel really gutted. I think it might be best to just let go of the friendship as I find it too upsetting - even before I had a baby I'd never do that to my best friend who had a baby - no way. She only wants to go out when it suits her, so I have to wait for her suggestions so there's not much point in trying to organise anything until she suggests it. She knows full well that I have been feeling isolated as I've told her - even said we were thinking of moving back to old area because of it - but to no avail. Oh well!! Thanks anyway

A friend that I went all through primary and secondary education with (and we were really close) dropped me when she started going out with her now husband. When my dd was little she called one day and during the conversation asked "how's whats her name?"

It takes a long time to get over it doesn't it. I think we assume all people are going to behave like we do or might, and when they don't it's such a shock.